Pregnancy at 15 advice

bargainbunny

Pregnancy at 15 advice

Hi my daughter is pregnant and yes she is only 15.. so im still in a state of shock.

I spoke to the nurse and apparently its basically the *norm* now for teenagers to be having sex again shocking..
I had my son when I was 17 and although I love him to bits I found out when I was 5 months and had no choices so I struggled for a long time as a single parent as his dad was taking the im staying at home with my mum route whilst I had home and son to care for..

So to find out my daughter is pregnant at such a young age horrified me and I can say I probably was pushing her more in the direction of the you dont have to have it route.. which upset her alot.
As she has been bullied alot and constantly struggles to fit in with the *mean girls type* she has had alot of upset and is awaiting a visit from the ED phsc too who will probably diagnos her with Aspergers which her brother has too.. I feel kinda bad pushing her to make that decision

Anyway after a few heated discussions my daughter has stuck firmly to
keeping her baby and seems to have a bond already.
Im proud she has principles and has fought so hard to get her wishes heard but at the same time im so scared for her and the baby.

Her dad has taken it well.. better than me but he lives 200 miles away so is basically not here to support her mentally.
My family / friends have all been supportive, the only one who hasnt is my bf who thinks she is a chav anyway and he is very old fashioned..
I can see his point but im at stage now where its whats done is done

So can anyone offer any advice im sure going to need it as is my daughter.
Thanks

spicyprawn

Hi Bargainbunny,

I'm not much help when it comes to advice but couldn't look and leave! I found out I was pregnant at 5 months when I was 15. I had lots of support from my mum and dad, I always went to them for advice, comfort and support. They were disappointed understandably but supported me with any decisions I made. I got loads of baby books from the library so I could understand full what was going on throughout pregnancy, birth etc.
Do you know anything about the baby's father, or is this a subject not discussed yet?

Spicy

j.e.j.

This must be every mother's nightmare who has teenage girls. 15 is very young. How far gone is she, and is the baby's father around??

You need to decide whether you are happy to be bringing up her baby as well as her (which I fear is what's going to happen).

thorsoak

Can I suggest that you read Mooloo's threads, to see the possible implications on all your lives?

Elle7

You probably need to talk to your bf if he's going to be around, it seems very harsh of him to brand your daughter a chav...

That aside, I appreciate what a shock that must be! I think your daughter has made up her mind, so now you need to talk about the consequences of this with her. Find out who the father is, and tell him. He has a right to know, and you might as well tell him now and get it out of the way.

Then take your daughter to see Citizens Advice, and work out benefits she'd be entitled too. Talk about what you'll do when the baby is born. If you work, who will look after it while she is at school?

You'll also need to tell the school, although maybe not yet, depending on how far gone she is. They'll need to know for risk assessment/insurance purposes.

There are a few other threads like this around, a memorable one was started by Taxi. His daughter is pregnant, and has joined the site herself, so if she sees this and comments she might be able to give you a different point of view.

I hope this has helped a bit!

mountainofdebt

oh hell here we go again.

j.e.j.

mountainofdebt wrote: »

oh hell here we go again.

:rotfl:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=3305172&highlight=pregnant+at+15

Gillyx

How far along is she?

I'd say the main things to be sorting out are if she is keeping the baby and returning to school who will care for the child during the day? With her studies are there any ways of her completing work to effectively "be ahead" of her peers, so time taken off having the baby won't affect her school work.

Will the dad be involved?

After you've sorted out that sort of stuff, everything else will fall into place.

bargainbunny

Hi thanks for replies, just had midwife on the phone think im more scared than my daughter..

My daughter doesnt attend school as the education inclusion team have signed her off due to her depression and bullying, which imo is a good thing as it would just get worse now, she does want to go to college and i have said that if she goes i will look after the baby but if not then i wont.
I have to be at home anyway to look after my son when he cant go to school although i was looking at being able to get a job soon.. oh well

Ive also talked with her about teaching Zumba and said id do training with her once she has had the baby as she loves dancing and its something we both like so i could encourage her more.

In regards to the dad well he comes from different background, cultural speaking and his family would dis-own him.. he knows and was supportive at 1st but then told her to basically get rid.. then went back to his ex.. so no he wont be around or at least not until he has grown up he is 16.

My bf does not live with us so he;s not a big problem tbh and i have told him thats its her choice to make and if any one does not like that they can go through me 1st.

So whilst its def not ideal it is happening, I look into benefits etc as i didnt think she be able to get them.. her dad said he would rent a flat here for her as living here with a autistic big lad is not really ideal
they argue enough without hormones in the mix.

glitter03

mountainofdebt wrote: »

oh hell here we go again.

:rotfl:

I thought the same!

bargainbunny

spicyprawn wrote: »

Hi Bargainbunny,

I'm not much help when it comes to advice but couldn't look and leave! I found out I was pregnant at 5 months when I was 15. I had lots of support from my mum and dad, I always went to them for advice, comfort and support. They were disappointed understandably but supported me with any decisions I made. I got loads of baby books from the library so I could understand full what was going on throughout pregnancy, birth etc.
Do you know anything about the baby's father, or is this a subject not discussed yet?

Spicy

Hi thank you for this, how did you feel dealing with this so young?
did other girls pick on you or anything? im more worried about my daughter emiotionally more than anything as she is very sensitive and insecure.
Im trying to be supportive but im dreading it too..
I know for me i grew up instantly and motherhood came naturally, but she cannot even keep her room tidy etc ..
I dont want to be the one left holding the baby really.