Pregnancy at 15 advice

Caroline_a

bargainbunny wrote: »

Hi thanks for replies, just had midwife on the phone think im more scared than my daughter..

My daughter doesnt attend school as the education inclusion team have signed her off due to her depression and bullying, which imo is a good thing as it would just get worse now, she does want to go to college and i have said that if she goes i will look after the baby but if not then i wont.
I have to be at home anyway to look after my son when he cant go to school although i was looking at being able to get a job soon.. oh well

Ive also talked with her about teaching Zumba and said id do training with her once she has had the baby as she loves dancing and its something we both like so i could encourage her more.

In regards to the dad well he comes from different background, cultural speaking and his family would dis-own him.. he knows and was supportive at 1st but then told her to basically get rid.. then went back to his ex.. so no he wont be around or at least not until he has grown up he is 16.

My bf does not live with us so he;s not a big problem tbh and i have told him thats its her choice to make and if any one does not like that they can go through me 1st.

So whilst its def not ideal it is happening, I look into benefits etc as i didnt think she be able to get them.. her dad said he would rent a flat here for her as living here with a autistic big lad is not really ideal
they argue enough without hormones in the mix.

Presumably he realises that he will have to support this baby financially? So I would have thought that at some point his family will have to be told....

rachbc

bargainbunny wrote: »

her dad said he would rent a flat here for her as living here with a autistic big lad is not really ideal
they argue enough without hormones in the mix.

I would really think hard about doing this - for a start social care would likely get involved if you said she couldn't live with you. At 16 independant living would be a possibilty but even then with depression and poss aspergers is putting her into a flat on her own with a baby really going to be the best for either of them?

bargainbunny

Caroline_a wrote: »

Presumably he realises that he will have to support this baby financially? So I would have thought that at some point his family will have to be told....

Believe me they will be told just not until she has had the baby as they could be violent to her.

Cyril

I cannot think what your daughter has to offer a baby tbh. No father, a life on benefits, mentally vulnerable etc etc.

Get rid for both their sakes.

spicyprawn

bargainbunny wrote: »

Hi thank you for this, how did you feel dealing with this so young?
did other girls pick on you or anything? im more worried about my daughter emiotionally more than anything as she is very sensitive and insecure.
Im trying to be supportive but im dreading it too..
I know for me i grew up instantly and motherhood came naturally, but she cannot even keep her room tidy etc ..
I dont want to be the one left holding the baby really.

Hi, I was very scared when I first found out but with the support from family and the baby's father(now my husband ) I began to feel more confident at becoming a mother. I didn't get picked on as I was not on the school register (another story). I would suggest your daughter had a try at some baby/mum clubs to gain confidence? I was much the same as you in the sense of motherhood coming naturally to me.
I would try explaining (which I'm not very good at!) That although you will be there to help and support her your role will always be as a grandparent and that is it. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come across as angry. I didn't once think that once my baby was here I would just bung her off on mum or dad and carry on with my life. Your daughter may think the same.
My parents have only ever babysat 6 times in 8 years and even then I feel guilty for asking!

Spicy

bargainbunny

Cyril wrote: »

I cannot think what your daughter has to offer a baby tbh. No father, a life on benefits, mentally vulnerable etc etc.

Get rid for both their sakes.

If it was my choice of course but its not and I can only make sure she makes a life for them both.. push her to get a job .. it can be done

For me I wanted her to take the termination pill but she wont do it
and the drs wont force her infact they would talk her out of it.

So I as her parent will support her

taxi36

Elle7 wrote: »

There are a few other threads like this around, a memorable one was started by Taxi. His daughter is pregnant, and has joined the site herself, so if she sees this and comments she might be able to give you a different point of view.

First off let me just say that all of the feelings you have right at this moment in time I have felt too so I fully understand how you are feeling. These feelings pass , trust me on that. Whilst you may feel like the bottom has fallen from your world , you will get through this.
Secondly
Please dont take this the wrong way but your BF called your Daughter a chav? Better still you allowed him to call your Daughter a chav? Wow! If anyone called my Daughter this they would be hearing me!

Your Daughter right at this moment in time is a 15 year old girl who is (even if she is not letting on to you) terrified! Her whole life is going to change and she will know it even at this early stage.

As the above poster said , my own Daughter is pregnant , due in December. She however is slightly older that your own Daughter (17 , 18 by the time her Baby arrives) but it still was a massive shock when I was told that she was pregnant. We all still think of our Daughters as our Babies .

Myself and my Wife arranged one to one councelling for our Daughter to help her make the decision of whether to keep the Baby or have the termination. This had to be the best decision I have ever made. The lady we took Toni to was the nicest person ever and she spent time talking our Daughter through the good and bad points of whichever outcome was reached (continue with pregnancy or termination) she didnt hold back and I think this is exactly what we needed she made sure that my Daughter knew that having a baby isnt just dressing it up in pretty out fits and taking it out in the pram to show it off lol

If your Daughter wants to keep her baby I urge you to allow her the maturity to make this decision. Please please please dont force this young girl into a termination which she will later regret. Think of how your Daughter will live with this decision for the rest of her life if she feels that you forced her into it....

If she choses to continue with the pregnancy then life as you all know it has finished BUT a new life is waiting for you all as a family to include this new baby into your home.

At the end of the day and something which I have come to realise is that a teenager having a Baby is not the end of the world.

Just allow your Daughter to make her own decision. Give her plenty of hugs as she will be needing them right now and most of all let her know that whichever decision she arrives at she will have your full support.

Cyril

I totally understand that whats done is done but from a wider viewpoint it looks like exactly the sort of situation that society is tired off and we need to break the cycle somehow.

If she was entirely self funded what she does is up to her but as a tax payer I think we have enough teenage parents draining the pot.

Allegra

taxi36 wrote: »

At the end of the day and something which I have come to realise is that a teenager having a Baby is not the end of the world.

I quite agree.

However.

A teenager with a mental disability having a baby might just be the end of their world.

Bargainbunny, you say you do not want to be the one left holding the baby - if your daughter has an ASD, though, I really can not see how it could possibly end up otherwise. Your daughter might think and believe with all her might right now that having this baby is just what she needs to complete her life... But if she is AS she will have absolutely no comprehension of what having a child actually entails. The noise ? The smell ? The constant insistent need ? :eek:

Best of luck to both of you - you will certainly need it ! x

bargainbunny

Cyril wrote: »

I totally understand that whats done is done but from a wider viewpoint it looks like exactly the sort of situation that society is tired off and we need to break the cycle somehow.

If she was entirely self funded what she does is up to her but as a tax payer I think we have enough teenage parents draining the pot.

Cannot really argue with you when i have the same views but i will say
she has a very tough mum behind her who WONT let her , Im there for her but dont agree 100% as I said to her you dont have to do this..
but she has stood firm and I respect her for that.