Pregnancy at 15 advice

bargainbunny

Its not really about the money in this case as anything my daughter and baby need will be provided by myself and her dad.. for the time being anyway until she can work..
She be 16 in October so not sure how things work then.. If she submits a good portfolio before attending college she will be in with a good chance
of getting a place on a course, i just have to teach her plus teach her life skills.. espically things like cooking/household and budgeting
quite alot to cram in before Feb.

Ive made her save her pocket money.. i know its not much but its a start.
Thank you for the links

mountainofdebt

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

The benefit money goes to the parent of those who are under 16 if they have a child (so the grandparent) as far as i'm aware.

tbh this is totally irrelevant as it wouldn't matter who gets the money.

If a girl (who currently attracts child benefit / tax credits) for her parents gets pregnant, then quite simply that stops when the girl claims for her baby

rachbc

thats what happens - when she turns has the baby and turns 16 the op's daughter can claim benefits in her own right and her parents will no longer get CB or CTC for her

System

You mentioned she's not in school due to depression? Make sure that she's in regular contact with the doctors to monitor this as she could (not a definete but it can happen) be at risk of post-natal depression.

Dave101t

at least you will live to see your great great grandchildren.

meritaten

I think that you are crossing bridges before you come to them OP. I do NOT mean to be nasty, but most of the problems you are worried about havent happened yet! Deal with the here and now - your daughter is pregnant at 15 - ok its not desirable, but its been happening for thousands of years, its the WAY you deal with it that counts.
your daughter wants to go through with the pregnancy - fine.
does she actually want to KEEP the baby? she has months to make up her mind.
after that? well - why not just support her and let her have counselling as Taxi suggests. she may well have Aspergers - does NOT mean she is stupid or not able to make decisions. but, its HER body, her baby and its HER decision. as her mum your job is to support those decisions!

bigmomma051204

Hi - just to say, google and see if you have a local Sure Start childrens centre (look on ur county council website if u cant find anything on google).... they will be able to help signpost you to organisations who can help and they will probably also run a young parents group. I run one in the childrens centre i work in and the mums who attend have all found it useful as i can provide them with advice on benefits, careers advice, parenting, etc etc! We are like a one stop shop...

On a general note, i have seen MANY parents over the years i have worked in my career field and age definitely does NOT have any bearing on parenting skills. I have seen terrible teen mums who dump their kids on anyone and grab money from every pot available then have another kid when their first is about to go to school so they dont have to work. I have also seen brilliant teen mums who care for their children beautifully and try their best to work/go to college etc. On the other hand i have seen 40 year old mums crumble when they have their first child as they have no idea how to care for someone else other than themselves.. they have been totally unable to look after their child and have needed alot of intervention to help provide basic needs. So it is true that age doesnt matter. Just ensure that your daughter is supported by you BUT also has other support networks in place so she isnt totally dependant on you.
Good luck to you both (and feel free to PM me if you need any advice or anything!)

Caroline_a

I'm not going to join on the abortion/no abortion argument, but OP I do feel that unless you can persuade your daughter to either have the baby adopted or to have a termination, then you are in for massive problems. By the way you talk about her, she sounds to be very naive and lacking in any sort of life skills. It sounds as if you are going to have to take over looking after this baby for the most part fulltime - do you actually want that? You already have 2 children who have issues, what if the new baby has issues too?

Your bf doesnt sound too impressed with it all - ok, he shouldnt be criticising your daughter, but if he decides that he doesnt want all the hassle you will be on your own.

And finally, the baby's father and his family sound a bright lot - you being scared of violence against your daughter if the family find out.

This is all a huge burden for you OP - and then what if in a year or so there's another baby, and another....?

Please think through how this will affect YOUR life. You appear to be taking all the responsibility, whilst your daughter is taking little, her ex boyfriend none, whereas they are the ones, whatever their age, should be the ones responsible for their child.

Cyril

With all the rights, wrongs and issues surrounding the adults in this I can't help feeling all the discussion has been around the adults involved and OP sounds very considered and responsible but no-one else in the picture does,

What about the poor baby in all this, its all very well saying ' my daughter wants it' she'd probably be as happy with a puppy but imo you cannot bring a new child into the world with such a carcrash home life. It'll have an immature emotional vulnerable child as a mother, an ill uncle, a non existent father, an indifferent step granddad and a run ragged grandmother trying to hold it together.

These are not strong role models to nurture and bring a child up around. A baby is not a plaything or an easily disposed of toy.

And whilst I kind of understand OP's wish to support her daughter , her daughter has to be made to see she is not being fair to any potential child and she should wait until she's older and more established emotionally and financially she has something to offer a baby.

Plans_all_plans

And exactly who are you to judge?

While I can see your point that the set up is far from ideal, the baby could be the making of the girl. You just don't know. There is the option of adoption if the girl/family truly cannot cope.

Trying to force a girl into an abortion that she does not want would be infinitely damaging to her mental health and her realtionship with her mother, plus any future relationships she has with men.

OP, plenty of us (me included) have coped with children that we did not plan or want at that time in our lives. A supportive, extended family and a good network of professionals (at teen pregnancy outreaches etc) will really help you.