Pregnancy at 15 advice

taxi36

Allegra wrote: »

A teenager with a mental disability having a baby might just be the end of their world.

The OP's Daughter does not at this point have a definate mental health problem.

Read the OP again , it says that the OP is awaiting a visit from a medical expert and she thinks her Daughter may be diagnosed with a condition.

At this point in time thought the girl is diagnosed.

j.e.j.

Cyril wrote: »

I totally understand that whats done is done but from a wider viewpoint it looks like exactly the sort of situation that society is tired off and we need to break the cycle somehow.

If she was entirely self funded what she does is up to her but as a tax payer I think we have enough teenage parents draining the pot.

It's also a slap in the face for women who for financial reasons feel they can't afford to continue with an unplanned pregnancy and choose the 'responsible' option of having a termination.

But ultimately it's between BargainBunny and her daughter, though I echo what other posters have said re. is this such a good idea, especially given that the girl has some special needs and issues herself.

bargainbunny

taxi36 wrote: »

First off let me just say that all of the feelings you have right at this moment in time I have felt too so I fully understand how you are feeling. These feelings pass , trust me on that. Whilst you may feel like the bottom has fallen from your world , you will get through this.
Secondly
Please dont take this the wrong way but your BF called your Daughter a chav? Better still you allowed him to call your Daughter a chav? Wow! If anyone called my Daughter this they would be hearing me!

Your Daughter right at this moment in time is a 15 year old girl who is (even if she is not letting on to you) terrified! Her whole life is going to change and she will know it even at this early stage.

As the above poster said , my own Daughter is pregnant , due in December. She however is slightly older that your own Daughter (17 , 18 by the time her Baby arrives) but it still was a massive shock when I was told that she was pregnant. We all still think of our Daughters as our Babies .

Myself and my Wife arranged one to one councelling for our Daughter to help her make the decision of whether to keep the Baby or have the termination. This had to be the best decision I have ever made. The lady we took Toni to was the nicest person ever and she spent time talking our Daughter through the good and bad points of whichever outcome was reached (continue with pregnancy or termination) she didnt hold back and I think this is exactly what we needed she made sure that my Daughter knew that having a baby isnt just dressing it up in pretty out fits and taking it out in the pram to show it off lol

If your Daughter wants to keep her baby I urge you to allow her the maturity to make this decision. Please please please dont force this young girl into a termination which she will later regret. Think of how your Daughter will live with this decision for the rest of her life if she feels that you forced her into it....

If she choses to continue with the pregnancy then life as you all know it has finished BUT a new life is waiting for you all as a family to include this new baby into your home.

At the end of the day and something which I have come to realise is that a teenager having a Baby is not the end of the world.

Just allow your Daughter to make her own decision. Give her plenty of hugs as she will be needing them right now and most of all let her know that whichever decision she arrives at she will have your full support.

Thank you, it helps knowing we not in it alone, she has been reffered to
teenage/mother baby group so hopefully that will help her.
I have a huge family who have all been great.. which helps.
My bf got a piece of my mind and will soon be an ex if he keeps it up
your children always come first just a shock that my little girl is having a baby wow
She has made her mind up so by our calculation the baby is due in Feb
hard part for us will be coping as my son has autism and barely sleeps and can be very loud.. aggressive sometimes.

Thanks for sharing it really does help

bargainbunny

Allegra wrote: »

I quite agree.

However.

A teenager with a mental disability having a baby might just be the end of their world.

Bargainbunny, you say you do not want to be the one left holding the baby - if your daughter has an ASD, though, I really can not see how it could possibly end up otherwise. Your daughter might think and believe with all her might right now that having this baby is just what she needs to complete her life... But if she is AS she will have absolutely no comprehension of what having a child actually entails. The noise ? The smell ? The constant insistent need ? :eek:

Best of luck to both of you - you will certainly need it ! x

Thanks and yes having a son with Aspergers its already a struggle slightest noise like neighbours drilling he goes nuts.. thinks they coming through our house.. and all the rest of the issues that goes with it.. had to fight tooth an nail with Education LEA to get him into special provisions and now his home life will be turned upside down..
I worry that he may cause his sister alot of upset too and i always have to be between them or they clash.. its like Mike Tyson arguing with minnie mouse if you understand.. but with the strength of an ox.. so not best living arrangements.

Luckily im a fit mum but im dreading this and also waiting on a diagnosis of pos AS for my daughter who as you can tell already has alot of issues.
Problem I have is cannot make her do anything she does not want to do and she is already thinking of herself as a mum.
So best i can do is be there and help

pigpen

My youngest son hates most things.. esp.things which upset his routine.. however.. he is absolutely fabulous with babies.. absolutely adores them.. so you may find he takes to a baby in his house really well.

Plans_all_plans

j.e.j. wrote: »

It's also a slap in the face for women who for financial reasons feel they can't afford to continue with an unplanned pregnancy and choose the 'responsible' option of having a termination.

I disagree.

While no-one would jump for joy that a 15 year old is pregnant, ALL women in this country have the option of continuing with a pregnancy and living on benefits until such time as they can get into employment. Whether a woman wants to do this or not is down to her, but the fact someone else wants their child is certainly not a slap in the face to someone who has made a different decision. After all, they had the same options.

If you're proclaiming to be 'pro-choice' you can't tell someone else what they should be doing. Either a woman should have autonomy on this decision, or she shouldn't. You can't have it both ways.

If I said "women who have abortions are giving a slap in the face to infertile women" I'm sure everyone would be up in arms. It's the same sort of statement.

OP, there is an organisation that can help with equipment and possibly make a one off donation if your daughter needs it. http://www.lifecharity.org.uk/our-organisation

This website was also useful when I was expecting http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/index.htm

Best of luck

j.e.j.

Plans_all_plans

I hear what you're saying, but it's not straightforward in this particular case: is she a 15-yr-old woman (in which case as you say she has the right to choose as she wishes and is responsible for herself) or is she a 15-yr-old child who is still the responsibility of her parents and is reliant upon the support of the mother.

Anyway, I wish the OP luck. I don't envy her predicament!

mountainofdebt

Cyril wrote: »

I totally understand that whats done is done but from a wider viewpoint it looks like exactly the sort of situation that society is tired off and we need to break the cycle somehow.

If she was entirely self funded what she does is up to her but as a tax payer I think we have enough teenage parents draining the pot.

Perhaps one way would be to stop the child benefit / tax credits / any other benefits for any young girl that got pregnant so effectively child benefit / tax credits / any other benefits would only be payable for the grandchild and not the mum iyswim.

In fairness I think these days its a rare commodity to find an entirely self funded child - although I guess children of 40% tax payers are likely to become so soon lol!

bargainbunny

pigpen wrote: »

My youngest son hates most things.. esp.things which upset his routine.. however.. he is absolutely fabulous with babies.. absolutely adores them.. so you may find he takes to a baby in his house really well.

I hopeso would certainly help alot we have got a young baby in the family
but its hard to know how he would interact as normally he hides away when too many visitors.

He did say to his sister to keep the baby though

Plans_all_plans

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Perhaps one way would be to stop the child benefit / tax credits / any other benefits for any young girl that got pregnant so effectively child benefit / tax credits / any other benefits would only be payable for the grandchild and not the mum iyswim.

The benefit money goes to the parent of those who are under 16 if they have a child (so the grandparent) as far as i'm aware.