parents gifted money but now want it back

Mojisola

navydiver wrote: »

it really has come like a bolt out of the blue, it was my wifes fathers 87th birthday 2 weeks ago and we threw and paid for a huge party with lots of family and friends to celebrate it at home

navydiver wrote: »

we do take an interest in them we have a sit down sunday lunch every sunday, this is why this has come so much out of the blue because it has not been mentioned before, I work 12 hour shifts days and nights so it is not possible to see them all the time, my wife works 5 days a week, this is to help pay the extra mortgage we took on to buy this property, we would have been fine with her working part time if we had stuck to our original plan, we never forced them to move to where we were they decided they wanted to do that, and my mother in law has said they did that because they would need help in the future, we were well aware of that but it seems we are not providing sufficient. they do go out twice a day have a good circle of friends, go to chujrch and are in the WI, my wifes father has difficulty walking so I went out and bought and bought a mobility scooter so they would still be able to get into town, we live about 100 yards from the high street but up a hill, they still go on hoilidays, as you can see they are not confined, and this makes it all the more erratic as some have said

navydiver wrote: »

I agree entirely but we have lived here for 18 months we had to make new friends as well, they come in for sunday dinner once a week, my wife takes them out to garden centres, we even had a veg patch sorted in the back garden because my father in law likes to grow his own veg, in short we have bent over backwards, which is why it is now so upsetting

It doesn't sound as if this is an elderly couple languishing in isolation, neglected by their daughter and son-in-law!

navydiver and his wife had found a house they liked and could afford with mrs navydiver working part-time. They changed their plans to fit in with what the older couple wanted. They have paid the utilities and council tax for the whole property so the parents have had no living costs to worry about.

It still seems possible that the brother is behind this.

If the older couple will be honest about what's upset them, navydiver may be able to come to some compromise if it's really about daily contact. If it's the brother wanting more money from them, it may be in their interest to keep the status quo so they are unable to give it to him.

Catblue

Agree with margaretclare here.

Funny how child 1 (the daughter) who lives next door, takes them out and helps in their house is the one who bears the brunt of their accusations of neglect. Even posters on here have been suggesting that she should do more.

And yet child 2 (the son) pitches up once every 12 years on average to visit and that's somehow okay by everyone. He gets an exemption from the duty of care since he has a penis. Isn't it strange that he completely escapes blame for doing nothing while the other child is pilloried for not doing enough?

Pure sexism on the part of the OP's in-laws, and probably one of the reason that the OP's wife is so unhappy with the situation.

poppysarah

Catblue wrote: »

Agree with margaretclare here.

Funny how child 1 (the daughter) who lives next door, takes them out and helps in their house is the one who bears the brunt of their accusations of neglect. Even posters on here have been suggesting that she should do more.

And yet child 2 (the son) pitches up once every 12 years on average to visit and that's somehow okay by everyone. He gets an exemption from the duty of care since he has a penis. Isn't it strange that he completely escapes blame for doing nothing while the other child is pilloried for not doing enough?

Pure sexism on the part of the OP's in-laws, and probably one of the reason that the OP's wife is so unhappy with the situation.

It is -if thats what it is - but that's the OP's in laws problem and one the OP's wife might have already known about.

Chyna-s

Lance wrote: »

OP purchased a house with an annex because parents wanted to live there. I assume this was more expensive than his original smaller house so why sgould he get a big mortgage and have the hassle of renting out the annex to help with costs because the aged couple are sad they are not visited daily. The grandparents are willing to leave daughter and her family in financial straits and !!!!!! off because they are not prioritised. Age is no excuse for this selfish behaviour unless mental deteriation has set in. They won't like spending money with a lawyer. Let them make the first moves rather than throwing good money after bad.

:T :T here here. I do wish other people would read posts properly before attacking the OP.

Caroline_a

People have talked about mental issues, but these sometimes come in a variety of forms. My late dad was totally compos mentis until he died at 93, but would get confused about figures. So sometimes I would show him something that say, normally would cost a few hundred pounds, and was reduced to say £100, he would grumble about how much it cost. I would explain how the prices were, but I realised after a while that he used to get tens, hundreds, and thousands mixed up.

The reason for all of this may be the brother, or a multitude of reasons, but additionally it might be that they genuinely think that the sort of money they lend was something that might be very easily obtained out of a normal month's wages.

Oldernotwiser

iwb100 wrote: »

I'm not being funny but if they see them every weekend then that is a lot more than most elderly parents see their kids.

And I'm sure they see them during the week sometimes as well.

It is a bit selfish for them to expect someone with a busy life and a job that is necessary to support their family to just "drop in" every day.

Most elderly people don't live as close to their adult children as this family do.

How busy do you have to be not to have 5 minutes to pop your head around the door and ask if they're OK or even to sit down and share a cup of tea, particularly when there are two adults and a couple of kids to do it?

I certainly don't think that the parents should ask for the money back but I can see how they would be unhappy at having so little contact with their family whilst living so close.

Amanita_2

We did exactly the same thing.

My inlaws sold their house and gifted the capital to my OH and we sold our own house and bought one with an annexe for them to live in. This was all done as one transaction. Both sales and the purchase completed on the same day.

The new house was 100% ours - the inlaws did not appear on the mortgage nor did they appear as part owners at land registry. They had separate legal advice which we insisted upon and were made fully aware of the possible consequences before going ahead - ie OH and I would own the house and they would be dependent on our goodwill for their future accommodation.

It has all worked out fine - even if I wasn't really expecting for them to ive into their 90s!

dcems

Cant believe how judgemental some people are being !

Its a mess thats for sure.

All i would say is that you need to talk to them and find out why they are doing this. Obviously you are p off and I understand that, but you need to at least try before you think about lawyers etc. This is family. You only have one set of parents in your(wifes) life. Life is short. Try and talk to them before its too late. If you do,and they are adamant you will both have to decide wheter money is more important than family.

wisbech_lad

To be machiavallian...

- Agree to pay them back, after house is sold

- Put up house for sale for a (very) optimistic price

- Stay put for years

Angela_D_3

Is there an update yet ? Would be interested to see what the solicitors said as my MIL gave us £16,000 to finish off the house we are in, new windows etc.
The idea was once it was finished we would buy a house big enough for her to have an annex and she'd give us a contribution towards that.
Given that she doesn't miss an opportunity to remind us about the £16,000 to say I've gone off the idea is an understatement. The fact that her house isn't/and won't sell at her asking price and neither will ours it's all up in the air and irrelevant at the moment but I'm sure it won't be long before she starts asking for the £16,000 back.
What do they say about families and money.