parents gifted money but now want it back

mustrum_ridcully

navydiver wrote: »

On a seperate not there is only one other family memebr a brother who lives in Thailand and only contacts them when he needs money, maybe thats the reason and they dont want to say.

Bingo?

From the age of your parents I guess he's in his 40's (at least). Personally I think it's not a good sign when someone of that age keeps running to the bank of mum and dad when they need some money. Is it possible he's been giving them a bit of hard time about needing money or how unfair it is that you've been gifted a deposit etc.?

Enterprise_1701C

From my point of view (and this would be very unlikely to happen to us, I would never have my father and stepmother (she epitomises the wicked stepmother idea) living with us, and I can't imagine my in-laws living with us either) they asked you to buy a bigger house than you would have otherwise and they put money towards it, they refused to have anything to do with the paperwork so have no proof that they actually paid money towards it. They now want out and want the money back, but that would mean you would have to sell and would not be able to afford a suitable property afterwards.

Have you actually told them that this would cause such problems, or have you been shielding them from the facts?

I would be very annoyed if this happened to me and would probably refuse to sell also. I would be very interested in what your solicitor has to say, but if you are forced to repay the money I would be very surprised if you could not make deductions for things such as the drop in value of the house, the bills they have not paid, money towards council tax, and a decent level of rent whilst they have been living there.

Errata

poppysarah wrote: »

Throwing dementia accusations at them would be like throwing petrol - but some quiet research into possible other erratic behaviour.

It might be just that they expected roses round the door and have found that they may as well live miles away with their own friends... Or they've got wonderlust and want to see the world in their twilight years.

I suggested the OP needs to be assured of mental capacity. This would be a sensible thing to do on his part in order to ensure the parents don't finish up in a worse situation than they believe they are in now.

navydiver_2

mustrum_ridcully wrote: »

Bingo?

From the age of your parents I guess he's in his 40's (at least). Personally I think it's not a good sign when someone of that age keeps running to the bank of mum and dad when they need some money. Is it possible he's been giving them a bit of hard time about needing money or how unfair it is that you've been gifted a deposit etc.?

He is actually 57 !!!! and has lived out there for the last 23 years, he has only been back twice in that time, we have actually been out there to see him as well, his most recent request for money was just 6 weeks ago

navydiver_2

Ok to let others that have replied know, we do take an interest in them we have a sit down sunday lunch every sunday, this is why this has come so much out of the blue because it has not been mentioned before, I work 12 hour shifts days and nights so it is not possible to see them all the time, my wife works 5 days a week, this is to help pay the extra mortgage we took on to buy this property, we would have been fine with her working part time if we had stuck to our original plan, we never forced them to move to where we were they decided they wanted to do that, and my mother in law has said they did that because they would need help in the future, we were well aware of that but it seems we are not providing sufficient. they do go out twice a day have a good circle of friends, go to chujrch and are in the WI, my wifes father has difficulty walking so I went out and bought and bought a mobility scooter so they would still be able to get into town, we live about 100 yards from the high street but up a hill, they still go on hoilidays, as you can see they are not confined, and this makes it all the more erratic as some have said

navydiver_2

Jane_Blackford wrote: »

From my point of view (and this would be very unlikely to happen to us, I would never have my father and stepmother (she epitomises the wicked stepmother idea) living with us, and I can't imagine my in-laws living with us either) they asked you to buy a bigger house than you would have otherwise and they put money towards it, they refused to have anything to do with the paperwork so have no proof that they actually paid money towards it. They now want out and want the money back, but that would mean you would have to sell and would not be able to afford a suitable property afterwards.

Have you actually told them that this would cause such problems, or have you been shielding them from the facts?

I would be very annoyed if this happened to me and would probably refuse to sell also. I would be very interested in what your solicitor has to say, but if you are forced to repay the money I would be very surprised if you could not make deductions for things such as the drop in value of the house, the bills they have not paid, money towards council tax, and a decent level of rent whilst they have been living there.

You have it in one, and yes we have told them, but they are not interested. They could actually afford to go and buy another house without any problems but want the money they gave my Wife back, she is threataning to disown them and fight them all the way, they have always had a difficuklt relationship and I only agreed to this to keep my wife happy

navydiver_2

jungle_jane wrote: »

OP would it not be best to sit down and try and resolve with them? Perhaps discuss expectations so that you all know what each other's needs are?

My parents live with my sister in a similar set up and it's been 5 years of hell for them simply because there are no boundaries in place. its a bit different to your situation though - my parents live in the larger accommodation and my sister keeps dropping in on them all day long. my parents are both pretty miserable but feel quite trapped - they don't feel like they can simply up and sell because that would be placing my sister in an impossible situation.

It would all be so much simpler if they had it out with her - sat her down, told her what they are prepared to put up with and then listened to her and what her expectations are. from there they could negotiate and comprimise and in future if anyone oversteps (or understeps) the line then it can be dealt with.

Feel very sorry for you OP - i've seen first hand how difficult these arrangements can be.

Thanks Jane

I would love to try but think my wife is way to angry with them at the moment

Errata

Ok - Bottom line. If they are now saying they lent you the money (they may call it an investment but I think in law it's nothing of the kind), they will have to take steps through the court to get it back. They will need clear evidence proving it was a loan.

navydiver_2

duchy wrote: »

Hmmm
OK so from their point of view they helped you move into a bigger property than you could have otherwise afforded and they feel you are not properly appreciative and don't even care enough to stick your head around the door once a day to say hello. Do you ever invite them in for meals ? Take them for days out ? Take an interest in what they'd like to do ? Involve them in your lives ? Are they free to just drop in or do they feel they need to make an "appointment" ? (I'm not saying they should-just trying to get you to see it from their perspective -especially as they are transplanted to a new area with no existing social circle of friends to occupy them) Sounds like they feel neglected.

I'm not unsympathetic -I lived with my Mum for a bit when she was in her seventies and there were times I wanted my own space and didn't want to hear her chat or stop for a cup of tea with her as I was busy with my work and my family ......... but it's just one of the things you do when you live with other people who are whether you like it or not emotionally dependent on you.

I agree entirely but we have lived here for 18 months we had to make new friends as well, they come in for sunday dinner once a week, my wife takes them out to garden centres, we even had a veg patch sorted in the back garden because my father in law likes to grow his own veg, in short we have bent over backwards, which is why it is now so upsetting

SuzieSue

I can only imagine that the brother has sown seeds of doubt in your in-laws' minds. If they have gifted you the proceeds of their property, does that mean that the brother will not get half the inheritance?

He or someone else has probably pointed out to your parents that you could throw them out on the streets with nothing as they do not own the property and perhaps they are concerned about that.

As far as I can see, legally, they can't make you give them their money back and so they are at your mercy which is probably what the solicitor told them.