parents gifted money but now want it back

ceridwen

Errata wrote: »

1) You need to discuss this with a solicitor
2) You need to be assured that either, or both, parents have mental capacity to act in this matter

The reason I mention capacity is that their behaviour seems quite erratic and the reasons they give for it quite bizarre. 1 in 5 of those over the age of 85 have a degree of dementia and dementia affects people's ability to accurately judge a situation and understand the implications and consequences of their actions.

This is what I am wondering - ie whether one of them is becoming a bit "ill" and isnt quite thinking logically. It doesnt seem to have occurred to them that they would have to pay those bills of theirs that you are currently paying for them for one thing if they went ahead with this.

So - yep...a good talk between all parties as to why they are trying to change their mind "after the fact" plus pointing out the financial realities - ie that the house has declined in value and could they afford to take over their own bills if they moved out and where you would be able to find the money to repay them from in the circumstances (ie I cant see how you could from what you say).

A bit of clarifying of mutual expectations would be in order. Maybe they did think you would be "living in each others pockets" - whereas you had assumed that living closer meant you were to hand in case of emergencies. There is a huge gap between pocket-living and available for emergencies and people who no longer have jobs sometimes dont realise just how much time/energy full-time jobs take AND that one has to "have a life" on top of the job AND relate to them and its difficult to find time for all 3 things even if children arent involved (ie making a 4th item to fit into the time available).

thegirlintheattic

Tricky. If the origin of the conflict seems to be your wife not popping in each day then why don't you sit down and say to her parents that you will both make an effort to visit/invite them round. Popping in for 10 mins after work each day could maybe save you all this stress.

Do not pay them anything until you have spoken to a lawyer. If you start paying them back or discuss this then you are admitting it is a loan not a gift.

IR_Fudger

Hey

I've got a similar problem. I want an expensive 3D TV but can't afford it. I have asked the bank to help me and they managed to give me a loan for most of it but I still need to borrow extra from friends and family.

Is there anything that can go wrong?

DVardysShadow

IR_Fudger wrote: »

Hey

I've got a similar problem. I want an expensive 3D TV but can't afford it. I have asked the bank to help me and they managed to give me a loan for most of it but I still need to borrow extra from friends and family.

Is there anything that can go wrong?

If this is a genuine question, rather than an oblique comment on the situation under discussion, please start a new thread. Discussion of your problem here will disrupt the ongoing conversation.

IR_Fudger

DVardysShadow wrote: »

If this is a genuine question, rather than an oblique comment on the situation under discussion, please start a new thread. Discussion of your problem here will disrupt the ongoing conversation.

It was the latter I'm afraid

However, I do feel that the bigger picture of the op's comment is being missed. I hope that a minor p*** take of the situation will help casual observers understand that getting finance from 3 sources to buy something is against everything that this site stands for. It is not moneyspendingexpert.com etc...

Unless I'm wrong and have misread something....In which case I apologise in advance.

sonastin

From my reading of the situation, your analogy should be more like...

"I wanted to buy a new TV so I borrowed some money from the bank. I could only afford a small screen LCD but then my friends suggested that we pool our money and buy a big 3D TV to share. Now I've got the big screen but my friends want me to pay them back so that they can have their own TV. I can't return it to the shop to buy the smaller one I would have been happy with because we've all watched it now"

The OPs problem isn't that he got a better house because of their money, its that they put him in a situation where he got the better house and then they moved the goalposts.

DavidF

How much has the house depreciated ? How much "Rent" have you potentially lost out on for that annex in the time they have lived there ? Add these two figures + solicitors fee's (actual + potential)together and deduct that total from 30k. If after revealing this new total they are still adamant that they want to leave then you poss can get a top up on your mortgage if you can afford this. If not then tell them tough. It would take them many years of legal battles to get any money back from you - and even then its unlikely they would "win".
That is the cold/hard route I would take AFTER I had exhausted ALL avenues of mediation.

Mojisola

DavidF wrote: »

How much has the house depreciated ? How much "Rent" have you potentially lost out on for that annex in the time they have lived there ? Add these two figures + solicitors fee's (actual + potential)together and deduct that total from 30k. If after revealing this new total they are still adamant that they want to leave then you poss can get a top up on your mortgage if you can afford this. If not then tell them tough. It would take them many years of legal battles to get any money back from you - and even then its unlikely they would "win".
That is the cold/hard route I would take AFTER I had exhausted ALL avenues of mediation.

And remember that Step-father will only get half of what you offer because the other half is your Mum's.

Imp

It's situations like this where the absence of a nicely worded thank you letter (photocopied), and maybe a big bunch of flowers, when someone gives you a large gift has repercussions. Something along the lines of

"Enormous thanks for the gift of a deposit for our new house. I am sure we will all enjoy living there. Lots of love, xx"

Then at least you would have something to show a solicitor/judge.

firsttimetom

greenman2 wrote: »

I just don't want to see what happens when house prices drop more.......

I don't want to turn this in to a 'House prices' thread BUT if house prices were to fall then the amount of people using the bank of mum and dad for 'gifts' when they purchase a property would be a lot less for 2 reasons

1. The parents would have less equity in their homes so would be able to offer less through equity release or downsizing.

2. The house price to wage ratio would fall, meaning people could afford a house without the need for such a large deposit and they would be spending less of their wage each month on mortgage repayments so they could actually spend it in the wider economy rather than handing it over to banks every month.

High house prices are such a drag on this country it is unbelievable. They make us uncompetitive on the world stage (as our wages have to be higher to pay those high mortgages), they saddle us with huge debts for 25 years+, and worse still they create massive rifts and falling outs between family.

I feel for the OP and his wife as her parents are entering their twilight years. A falling out now may never be resolved, and once her parents are gone it's too late. However this ends, I think you and your wife will regret the whole thing.