parents gifted money but now want it back

navydiver_2

Errata wrote: »

Ok - Bottom line. If they are now saying they lent you the money (they may call it an investment but I think in law it's nothing of the kind), they will have to take steps through the court to get it back. They will need clear evidence proving it was a loan.

Thanks for that, there is no paperwork, having just been speaking to my own father who knows what is going on he has said, who gives someone the sum of money my wife was given without anything in writing if its a loan !!

pinkshoes

Tell them ok, they can have the money back.

Explain that the money was gifted to them as an early inheritance, but you accept that they have now changed their mind.

If they want their "investment" back, they will now have to wait until the house is sold, and any loss from the selling price will be deducted from their lump sum, which could be a huge amount or a small amount, depending on how cheaply you price the house to sell it.

Ultimately, their decision has pretty much ruined the family relationship, whatever the outcome. I would put your thoughts onto paper, and spend time drafting them a letter.

navydiver_2

SuzieSue wrote: »

I can only imagine that the brother has sown seeds of doubt in your in-laws' minds. If they have gifted you the proceeds of their property, does that mean that the brother will not get half the inheritance?

He or someone else has probably pointed out to your parents that you could throw them out on the streets with nothing as they do not own the property and perhaps they are concerned about that.

As far as I can see, legally, they can't make you give them their money back and so they are at your mercy which is probably what the solicitor told them.

Brother in Law will get the remaining money, when they die, and this is equal to the amount the gave to us

duchy

superbabe612 wrote: »

I agree, you need to talk to them.

You live next door to your parents-in-law but your wife doesn't see them every day? And you wonder why they're upset? They feel isolated and vulnerable. They moved from an area they knew and felt safe and comfortable in, to a strange place, probably to be closer to their daughter, only to find that she can't spare 5 minutes to pop in after work and say hello?
!

I suspect superbabe has hit the nail on the head as far as your in-laws are seeing things

I think your wife needs to put the anger aside -and try and see why they are reacting this way -and communicate (not argue it'll only make things worse). This isn't about who is right or wrong -it's about finding a balance to keep everyone happy. Putting it bluntly if you can't afford to give them back their money then it's up to you to find a path back-not terribly fair perhaps -but life often isn't.

Yes you could stand your ground and let things progress legally and pay the legal bills but that'll probably cause the most almighty rift between your wife and her her parents and even though right now she may be too angry to care.....chances are later on she'd regret it and it might be too late then.

navydiver_2

Thanks for all your thoughts everyone, will wait and see what the solicitors say now.

little_miss_moneysaver_3

Hi Navydiver,

My partner and I are buying our first home. His dad has given us a large deposit towards the house (otherwise there's no way we could get on the ladder). He's been asked to write a letter saying that he is gifting the money for the house. That letter clearly has to state that it is a gift and he has no interest in the property and that he does not want paying back. I this this is part of the legal part so they know where our money came from. I don't know if this is just because we're first time buyers, but surely your solictor at the time should have advised you of having a similar document?

LMMS

jungle_jane

navydiver, following on from what miss money saver said i just bought a new place a couple of weeks ago and my mortgage company were a huge pain when it came to the source of my 25% deposit. i ended up having to send them photocopies going back a couple of years to show the build up of funds. I wonder if you guys might have had the same situation - ie you would have told them that some of your deposit was a gift?

your say your wife has always had a difficult relationship with them - is there perhaps something else that has occurred that has pushed her (or their) buttons? families have such strange dynamics - it could be that some ancient vibe or grievance is rearing its ugly head that perhaps you are not aware of?

Catblue

navydiver wrote: »

Ok to let others that have replied know, we do take an interest in them we have a sit down sunday lunch every sunday, this is why this has come so much out of the blue because it has not been mentioned before, I work 12 hour shifts days and nights so it is not possible to see them all the time, my wife works 5 days a week, this is to help pay the extra mortgage we took on to buy this property, we would have been fine with her working part time if we had stuck to our original plan, we never forced them to move to where we were they decided they wanted to do that, and my mother in law has said they did that because they would need help in the future, we were well aware of that but it seems we are not providing sufficient. they do go out twice a day have a good circle of friends, go to chujrch and are in the WI, my wifes father has difficulty walking so I went out and bought and bought a mobility scooter so they would still be able to get into town, we live about 100 yards from the high street but up a hill, they still go on hoilidays, as you can see they are not confined, and this makes it all the more erratic as some have said

You don't have to explain yourself, seriously. A lot of elderly parents would be over the moon to have their daughter and her family live so closely and be so helpful. Strange that your wife is the one getting it in the neck for neglecting her parents when their other child visits them on average once every 12 years!

And if their reason for wanting to move from the annexe is that "you don't call round to see us enough", then how do they think that situation would be improved by them moving further away? Surely your wife would see even less of them then? So that excuse is clearly nonsense.

I also think the brother might be behind it. If your wife's parents have mentioned to him that they have given their daughter, say, £100K then he'll be asking where his £100K is.

As an aside, I have noticed that there seem to be more and more threads on here about sticky family situations regarding money that was "given" by parents to purchase a house that later turned out to be an investment or a loan. Symptomatic of younger people struggling to afford a house on their own, I suppose, but I do think that it is a real shame that family relationships are jeopardised as a result.

Caroline73_2

What an awful situation for you. I'm with Errata on the dementia front. My grandparents started to get very agitated about money in the early stages. My grandmother asked my father to sell her car for her, which he did and then paid Tue money into her account. Within a few days she had consulted solicitors about the 'theft' of the car by my father.

I think the relationship between you and your wife and her parents is now screwed so play as hard and dirty as you need to.

joerugby

navydiver wrote: »

They also wanted us to see if we could find a house with an annexe so we could all be close, parents are 87 & 84, so this made sense as we would be on the doorstep if needed.

This seems to be the crux of the matter.

They wanted you to buy a house with an annex so you "could all be close" whereas you thought it was so you "would be on the doorstep if needed". There is a big difference between these two perceptions.