parents gifted money but now want it back

poppysarah

joerugby wrote: »

This seems to be the crux of the matter.

They wanted you to buy a house with an annex so you "could all be close" whereas you thought it was so you "would be on the doorstep if needed". There is a big difference between these two perceptions.

But I assume everyone viewed and agreed before they bought this place?

savingmummy

Things like this normally come out that indeed it was a gift!
If someone gives you money off their own backs without drawing up a contract or doing it through solicitors etc then it is classed as a gift!

A slightly different senerio but my mum gave my sister 5k as a loan...my sister paid her back £100 a month (as discussed bewteen them) for 4 months then stopped! My sister got away with paying the rest back and my mum lost out as nothing could be done as it was a `gift` not a loan in the laws eyes.

joerugby

poppysarah wrote: »

But I assume everyone viewed and agreed before they bought this place?

They don't seem to have agreed on the frequency of contact

greenman2

Hi navydiver,

Your story is quite similar to mine: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3337512
and I really sympathize with you and your family.
In my case, if that helps I think that I underestimated the fact that in my step-fathers generation, where people probably didn't tend to live beyond their means as credit wasn't so freely available or just wasn't the done thing. I feel this is part of the problem in my case where all of the costs incurred, together with interest rates (granted very low at the moment) on amounts of money relative to the average income is huge is just not comprehended by them. They just see it as money which will be yours when they pass on, without understanding that it also is a big commitment/responsibility for the recipient/s and not a simple matter of reversing that decision.
I also agree with several mentions of checking for mental health issues, as often the last people to know of problems or want to accept them are the people themselves. How far do you let even family members dictate what they want, when their actions are so out of character.

From a personal point of view, I regret deeply the day I agreed to accepting the arrangement - there is a danger of having a bitter and divided family and being financially almost ruined, as the amount of money involved in even average house prices and the probable deprecation and rise in interest rates, coupled with potential high legal costs gets ever more worrying.

Good luck.

Cyril

What a difficult situation.

I think they need to understand that if this animosity continues they will lose their daughter in their twilight years when they will need her most.

Who is going to help them if they choose to move away with the practicalities of great age - certainly not their son who appears to be quite happy in Thailand.

Very few families want the stress of elderly relatives and I think they need to realise how lucky they are to have a family that have gone to great lengths to accommodate their needs.

I really cannot see how having to return the money can have a basis in law without any documentation and tbh if it goes through the courts and is challenged they'll be dead by the time its resolved. I wouldn't personally want to leave this world at loggerheads with my nearest and dearest.

Its either one of two things in my mind, they are using emotional blackmail to get your wife to spend more time with them or brother is pulling the strings wanting money.

Really feel for you.

greenman2

Post 39-Catblue

As an aside, I have noticed that there seem to be more and more threads on here about sticky family situations regarding money that was "given" by parents to purchase a house that later turned out to be an investment or a loan. Symptomatic of younger people struggling to afford a house on their own, I suppose, but I do think that it is a real shame that family relationships are jeopardised as a result.

That is a great point and I couldn't agree more..average house prices relative to average wage is so way out of sync, and parents/relatives helping out or living communally is confirmation of that. It's strange because often the parents/relatives have downsized to release equity as they didn't have much savings, even when the average house price/av. income was much better. Families do it often out of necessity, but end up losing something a lot more valuable than the reason they had for doing it in the first place.
I just don't want to see what happens when house prices drop more because the banks are not lending and interest rates go up to curb inflation and more and more people are losing their jobs.
Sorry to be so doom and gloom but I do think they are all huge worries for the employed/mortgaged person/family.

SAMMYE_2

They offered you the gift and its is bang out of order for them to turn round and try and say they've changed their minds! Unfortunately it is too late for that.

They have to stand by what they said as this influenced your decision to move there!

They gave you the money as a gift and that is that you cant just mess with peoples lives like that.

Stand firm on this.

Angela_D_3

I have to say I'd be telling them to shove it, interesting to see if they pop around on Sunday for their roast lunch as usual or if they stay at home.
You have 2 children OP you have to think of them, if the old folk don't want to live in the annes you can always rent it out to cover the costs of subsidizing these two for the past few years.

sonastin

I understand that your wife is so angry with them that she can't speak to them - I think I'd feel like that about my parents if I were in the same situation. But as you are one step removed (even though I'm sure you're close to them too) can you take a deep breath, put your calm objective head on and then go round and speak to them on your own?

Find out what it is that they really want: money, somewhere else to live or just a bit more attention. There are ways around all of them which don't need to involve lawyers and court rooms but you need to know where they are coming from to be able to meet them in the middle.

If they aren't willing to work towards a compromise, put it all in the hands of your lawyer and get on with your life - and accept that you're living next door to some people you really don't like. If they aren't prepared to treat your daughter with the love and respect owed to family, they don't deserve love and respect in return.

GDB2222

This is just a family dispute. Nothing to do with lawyers.