Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

twink

morning stormy, you are not going mad or not normal, i felt like you, wondered why i couldnt cry, but it was about six weeks after before i could cry, i feel that in some way we are protected from the full enormity of it at the beginning, whether it is shock i dont know, but i feel if it hit us fully at the beginning we just wouldnt cope so i think if you have to go on your course i would say do it, it will be too much to have two next month

my dh passed away in the july and i started a new partime job in the august and took driving lessons, it helped to be busy and among people, and no i dont think people will think you are hard, i think grief is a private thing between the family, sending you love for today x

hypno06

There is no right or wrong here. You do what is right for YOU. Every day may be different and your emotions may well change, but there is still no standard, no typical, and no right or wrong.

The smallest things make me cry - something on the radio, a film coming out at the pictures that I know my dad would like etc. Other "BIG" things like birthdays just make me sulk, and be grumpy!

AnW'sMum

Morning Stormy

A bit late this reply (been busy listing stuff on ebay!) I feel so much like you regarding tidying clothes up. My mum helped me in the early days by doing my HUGE mountain of ironing. She put all DH's clothes to one side in a neat pile and suggested that we put them in a box so they didn't get strwen all over. As it was mostly his uniform it didn't feel too bad but his Quo T shirts I put back in the cupboard ready for him to wear next time. I still haven't sorted through his clothes as like you it would feel like I am putting him away so to speak. When I was sorting all the clean underwear for us all I did throw some of his old socks and pants away as they needed replacing and I told him as much out loud!

I still go through preiods of numbness and nothingness about it all and find that at those times I sometimes find it easier to deal with some of the more practical things that need doing. But then the other day I burst into tears because I couldn't open a jar of jam, the lid was on too tight! It catches you unawares but I think it is so important not to worry about what ither people think. If you want to cry then do if not then that is also fine, you have to do what is right for you and your family and only you know what that is.

On the work front, if you go to London and find it all a bit too much once you are there will you be able to bail out and come home early? Can you have a mobile phone on at all times so your children can get in contact whenever they want to? Does your employer know the significance of tomorrow's date? Make sure that you dictate to them what you are comfortable with and not the other way around. From what you have said in the past I am sure they will do all that they can to help you.

Anyway that's me for now! Better go and see what havoc my DD an DS are causing and then back to listing more stuff. We had planned to move them round bedroom wise which means rotating stuff from 3 rooms simultaneously last summer but obvioulsy it didn't happen. DH would have wanted us still to do it and we need to, so listing stuff to get rid will help get a few £££ and help when we move round. Wish me luck.

Love n Hugs to all those that need them

xx

bellsbells

I cannot really add anything to the other advice offered, other than to say they are all right! There is no right or wrong way to act or feel. There is just making it through the day and the next challenge, like tomorrow. There have been so many of these moments for you to deal with, and many more to come, but you ARE getting through them - you are one amazing woman! Who knows if it would be better for you to stay at home or be away - either will be difficult. Possibly being away from home will offer a little relief - you are not at home surrounded by memories and jobs that need doing, and work will keep you busy at least. Whatever you decide you as always have my thoughts and hugs!

BB

babyangel10

Just wondering how the footy went today Stormy?

I'm sure John's looking down and feeling very proud of you all - you are doing just fine.

But, if you do ever get to the point where you completely crumble and feel like life's not worth living, please, please see your GP or tell a friend. However strong a personality you have, you don't know how you are going to react over the coming weeks/months/years. There is plenty of help available, as mentioned at the start of this thread, so do use it if necessary.

Hope the rest of the weekend is ok for you all, and you have a peaceful week at work.

Big virtual hugs,

T x

Violetta_2

Hi Stormy and everyone else, I have already posted on this thread a few times I'm Highland's girlfriend, finally set up my own id but still feels odd posting.
Anyhoo never mind all that. Just wondered what you had decided to do stormy re going away for the meeting? I'm sure the kid's will be fine with whatever you decide to do.
Re people thinking your hard for not crying all the time- I think as everyone has already said we are all different most people know there is no certain way that bereavement affects you and those that think otherwise are not worth bothering about.
I do think it would help in the long run to ask for more info re what happened to John with the scan's etc in the lead up to his passing, surely the hospital SHOULD be happy to answer any questions you have, if you don't you might always wonder what if.
I hope everyones well and your dd scored again :T
Take Care J x

Stormybay

Hello everyone,
Well, I have decided to go up to London tomorrow, I will have my work mobile with me at all times and the childen know they can call. If it all gets too much, I'll be on the first train back, it's only 3 hours. If I do stay, I'm meeting up with step daughter on Tuesday for a meal, so I think that will be nice, she has been such a star to me, so I'd love to meet up. She lives and works in London, so it's not often we get the chance. Stepdaugher 1, 2 and their Mum have gone over to the US for their sister in laws funeral. It's on Wednesday and there is a memorial service on Friday.
The week after that, DD3 and ! are going to stay with Stepdaughter 2 for a few days. She's also in London and has tickets for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and the London eye, so that will be lovely.
DS2 has cried all weekend, he's so upset about his Dad, keep saying 'It's too soon, it's too soon'. All I can do is hug him and let him cry. He has just started a new job 2 weeks ago, he's doing really well, but he's so emotionally and physically tired and drained. He so wants to tell his dad all about his job, and finds it so hard that he can't. He's only 16, far too young to loose his hero so tragically. I feel for him so much.
DD3, Rosie scored 2 goals this morning, man of the match, she played a fantastic game, it was a cup game and they won 2 - 1. She tod me afterwards that she heard her dad shouting 'Have a Go, Rosie, have a go'. He always used to shout that.............she was really happy with how she played and I told her how proud her dad is of her.
Thank you all for your understanding and convincing me that I'm not going mad. i do have a work laptop, but not sure if this site is blocked or not, so if I'm not about, it's only because I'm unable to log on here.

Take care all,
I'm sure I'll survive London, it's sort of normal for me to be going there, I'll just miss John and my late nights phone chats.............

Hugs to all who need them tonight
Stormy
xxxxxx

victory

Hi stormybay, London will be fine for you but even if it is not like you said there is always the ability to come back.
You are def not going mad, some days will seem like that but it is not true, it is just the way it is for now, some days it will engulf you and some days there maybe a chance of a smile but whichever way it is it is entirely normal...
I am pleased for you that maybe even if you do not feel like it you are keeping active, keep strong, hugs to you and all those with you that are grieving, my thoughts are with you .... xxxx

miggy

Hi Stormy,
Sorry I haven't been around lately (computer broke down) and I haven't caught up properly but I wanted to give you a hug and let you know I will think of you down in London. You'll soon be back :-)
BTW I didn't cry over my Dad - though I've dreaded his passing as long as I can remember. It isn't wrong, it's just that people cope differently. As someone mentioned already, sometimes the tears come over less important stuff instead.

twink

sending love for you and your family, hope the trip goes well for you, could ds2 keep a book to write in too, would that help, and well done to rosie scoring the goals, i am sure john is watching over you all, as someone said to me its like a ship going over the horizon, you cant see it any more but you know its still there, take care x