Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

smokybabe

Hi Stormybay, just popping in to see how you are doing. I hope you enjoy your chinese and I am sure dd3 will keep you occupied with tales of her trip.
Take care of yourself and your family, <<<<hugs>>>>

Smoky. xxxx

Stormybay

Hi All,
I didn't have the Chinese in the end, my eldest Step Daughter come around, she really was upset and I think things are sinking in. she had been painting her new kitchen that John had fitted just finishing it they day before the heart attack. She came across a part of the wall where John had put a pencil mark and couldn't make herself paint over it. She was just so upset. Her Mum and two sisters have gone over to America for her SIL's funeral and to be with her brother, but she is just too upset to travel and didn't go. She's feeling so lonely as she was John's first born and they always had such a close bond. They were so alike and we all did los together. We all went on holiday to Turkey last year and she's so pleased she came, but talking about it made her cry so much. I feel for her, it's just awful.
So, the Chinese never materialised and so I shoved a Pizza in the oven instead, forgot about it and it burnt!
At the moment, DS1 and DS2 are having a few drinks in their bedroom and have a couple of girls in there too. They are having a fine old time, laughing and joking and I'm trying to drown it out, because I just want to go in there and scream at them, cos I feel I'll never have a great time again. They are a little noisy and I just hate it, but it's not fair on them, they deserve to get on with things, but I can't.
I've just written a few more pages in my journal, I'm back tracking to when I took John to the hospital, and haven't got to the 'journey home' bit yet, I don't want to get there in case it becomes real.........God it is real.
I'm probably staying up late tonight, I don't think I'll sleep, so I'll stay up until my eyes drop.
Love and hugs to all
Stormy
xxxxxx

Mrs_Sparkle

Hugs to you Stormy. I've been reading your progress and I think you're coping amazingly and holding it together for your lovely daughters. Please take care of yourself. C x x

ihatechoosingnames

Hi Stormy,
I PMed you when you first wrote in this thread...just wanted to say I hope each day is becoming a little bit easier for you. I suggest you watch a film/listen to music or something to tire yourself out tonight..
all the best xx

mandymoo

Thinking of you lots xxxx

twink

oh stormy its so rough, i know, but trust me you will be able to laugh again, but your heart will always be full of johns memories and you will laugh with some of them too, glad you werent too annoyed with your sons, everyone copes differently, no doubt they have their sad moments on their own, this will be the time when the numbness wears off and you will feel the raw pain, but you will get through it, believe and hold onto that thought, sending you love for today xx

Dumyat

nice to hear how you are getting on. everyone deals with grief in their own way. no doubt your sons are doing it one way, you and your stepdaughter are doing it another. that was nice that she came to see you though.
these weeks after the funeral are the worst I think. for the bereaved the world stops but everyone else seems to go back to their own lives (if you know what I mean) One day at a time stormy. x x

babyangel10

Hi Stormy,

Hope you had a restful night?

If it's any consolation, I burnt my pizza last night too!

Sorry to hear that the night didn't go too well, hope today and tonight are better for you all.

Big hugs,

T x

nearlyrich

Stormybay wrote:

she had been painting her new kitchen that John had fitted just finishing it they day before the heart attack. She came across a part of the wall where John had put a pencil mark and couldn't make herself paint over it. She was just so upset.

This is exactly what happened to me, my dad had been painting my living room skirting boards a few weeks before he died and his paint encrusted trousers were in the cupboard under the stairs for when he came back to finish off (which he never did) He used to smoke Hamlets and would put them out and put them in his pocket so I picked up these painting pants and loads of Hamlet dock ends fell out onto my newly hoovered carpet and I just howled for aged. I was really mad at him for leaving the job half finished and for mucking up my carpet, it was a big outpouring (and I am crying now just thinking about it) .

Afterwards I felt really guilty for being mad at him but I read later that anger is a stage of greiving and I did feel better after a good cry.

Stormybay, it's good that your SD still comes round to share her feelings with you and I just wanted you to know I am still thinking about you and the family.

babyangel10

Yes, I understand all this, because I was having a clear out of my medicine cupboard the other day and came across an empty meds bottle which was for one of my beloved cats who died unexpectedly a couple of years ago.

Nowhere near as heartbreaking as losing your human loved one, I know, but I couldn't bear to throw the bottle away, as I felt I was throwing a memory of him away. Sounds stupid, especially as I have lovely photos and videos of him to remember him by - but it must be all part of the grieving process I suppose.

Ain't life a !!!!!! at times eh?.....