Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Dumyat

why not speak with your GP or phone the consultant at the hospital. If he was conscientious enough to phone to see how he was, I'm sure he would be happy to discuss what happened.

twink

stormybay, read your post, can you go and speak to the consultant? or is there any way you can get hold of johns notes? thats all you need now
glad you were able to have a lovely chat with your friend and that rosie has been able to go to camp xx

anniestar

Just a quick hi and to let you know that my thoughts are with you Stormy, Seroxat, and everyone else going through troubles or loss. Have ben trying to get to speak to my Aunt for 2 days now, not too worried yet. Will try later. Have a good day, love to all.

Bogified_Monster

Stormybay wrote:

It's not until now, that I wonder if there was something on the scan and whether this could have been prevented. Now. I know that nothing will ever bring my darling John back, but is it worth speaking again to the coroner? Are you allowed to ring and ask questions even though it was put down to 'natural causes'? Is there anyone in the medical proffession I could speak to? I can't afford a soliciter! I just wondered what you all thought about this, it goes around in my head constantly.

Stormy
xxxxxx

Hi Stormy,

I am not a doctor, but I do work for the local authority within a coroner's mortuary as a mortuary technician (for the last 7 years or so). Although, I would never presume to know your John's medical history, I may be able to help answer a couple of your questions.

If John did have a post mortem under the coroner's authority, you are entitled as his wife, to ask any questions you wish concerning his death, to the coroner's officer in charge of his case. The coroner's office will most likely be based near the hospital / mortuary or at a police station. They tend to be very helpful and understanding people, who have lots of experience answering all kinds of questions relatives may wish to ask.

If, and forgive me if I've misunderstood your post, John did not have a post mortem and the cause of death has been given by the doctor/consultant from the hospital, again, as far as I understand the hospital system, you are allowed to have any queries you may have, answered. I'm not sure though, whether you approach the consultant directly or more likely, I believe, contact the hospital patient affairs office / patients officer (hospital switchboard should put you through).

The only experience I have personally had with bereavement is when my sister's husband died of sickle cell anaemia aged 42 in 1997. His name was Steve and he was, of course, taken from her and all of his family, too soon. I remember counselling her through her bereavement and even now, she still gets angry. I also know she questioned everything to do with Steve's hospital treatment and even after the post mortem revealed a natural cause of death, she still thought there were suspicions surrounding it. I managed to get hold of a copy of the post mortem report and was able to understand exactly what had happened and this certainly helped me at the time. I still really miss him. We were so close. He was like a brother and dad rolled into one!!

At my work, we carry out many post mortems on so many people (old and young) whose bodies for whatever reasons cannot cope anymore. Sometimes, there are physical warnings, and sometimes there are not. I have spent a lot of time with grieving relatives whether it's being present at viewings or helping them identify their loved ones who may have died in accidents or other unfortunate ways. I feel very priveleged doing the job that I do, and always have the utmost respect for these people.

As I mentioned before, it would be unfair of me to presume what really did happen to John. Doctors and nurses can make mistakes sometimes, but from what you have said, it does sound like an awful case of coincidence regarding John's hospital treatment and then his passing away on your way home. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. My sister was a wreck after waiting by Steve's side for 3 days before he finally went.

In my experience of the coroner's system, and especially my sister's healing process, there can be peace of mind found if a loved one has a post mortem and the actual cause of death, and/or events leading up to it, can be explained. Also, I know it sounds obvious, but the coroner's system is there to uphold the law of the land. Therefore, whatever information is discovered by the pathologist or doctors at the time, it is passed on to the coroner and dealt with accordingly. I am sure if anyone should be held accountable, it would have been picked up on by now. The police and coroners tend to be very finickity when it comes to causes of death.

I hope this helps.

Lots of love and best wishes to you and your family...

Bogie
xxxxx

P.S. Apologies for the multiple uses of the word death (I think I remember you mentioning in a previous post you really don't like it), I just have no idea how else to explain myself....

mandymoo

Bogified_Monster wrote:

Hi Stormy,

I feel very priveleged doing the job that I do, and always have the utmost respect for these people.


Hi Bogified
You have my utmost respect for the work you do, my dad died 12 weeks after being told he had Mesothelioma he was 52. There had to be an inquest and every one involved were amazing and very caring to my mum and I. And when the case went to the High Court in London at least we were more prepared.

Thank you for your first and very imformative post

Stormybay

Yes, as mandymoos says, thank you so much for your very informative post, it's encouraging that there are very caring people in your proffesion, and I really don't want to apportion blame to anyone, just a little peace of mind for me really. Yes there was a post mortem, the result was natural causes (i.e an MI), I just seems coincidental to me and I just wondered if it is ok to talk to the coroner.
It seems I am, so I will do that as soon as I feel able.
Thank you once again, it is very much appreciated.
I'm so sorry about your dad Mandymoo, I still miss my own Dad who passed away 6 months ago, not to mention John, it's over 4 weeks now and it still hasn't sunk in..........this is going to take a long time.
Love and hugs to all those who need them and to all the support and information that people have taken the time to write and read.
Thanks to martin also who opened the 'what to do when someone dies' thread, if John's sudden passing helps 1 other person who has lost someone, then for this, I am eternally grateful

Stormy
xxxxxx

Bogified_Monster

Hello again.

Thank you both for replying to my post. I wasn't sure I'd put across properly what I meant to say, but I feel glad now that I could have helped a bit. First posts can be quite nerve-wracking I suppose!

As you can imagine, with my job being such an intimate and very much hidden part of society, it is quite common for technicians to be dismissed as either butchers or just plain idiots. Most people don't really know what we do in our profession and a lot of the time, we're happy to keep it that way (sort of like small cogs in a big piece of machinery). However, it is always a great feeling if somebody understands a little of the true nature of our work, even if we don't always get commended for it.

Stormy, I can empathise with your need to understand and want peace of mind. This is paramount to anyone's healing process and I genuinely wish you well in achieving this over the coming weeks. With enough love and support shared within your family unit and circle of friends, and time taken for yourself where needed, I have no doubt your sense of self-worth and identity will grow again. Your occasional anger will also eventually subside. The human spirit is extremely tough for the most part. I only need to hear some of the stories on here that prove how strong and good people can be. I must admit, when I discovered this thread last Friday lunchtime, my tears did fall, which doesn't happen that often with me anymore. I guess I've become more adept at dealing with the 'd' word....who knows?

Anyway, if you need me to help with anything else Stormy (or anyone else), I'll try my best to answer any questions or whatever might give peace of mind.

Mandymoo, thank you again for your kind words. It must have been very painful for your dad with that particular disease, and so difficult for you and your family to see him go at such a young age. I'm just glad you and your mum were treated well by all concerned. The High Court appearance must have been fairly stressful, but I hope they were able to penalise who exactly was responsible for putting your Dad's health at risk. I'm so pleased that people were good to you and this helped you feel better prepared.

All my love and big cuddles to you both (and anyone else who's had a crappy time of it).

Bogie
xxxxx

twink

hugs stormy for today, isnt it a lovely site where so many people are willing to help, be kind to yourself and eat properly, sending you love x

Stormybay

Thanks Twink,

DD3 back home from camp and on good form, me and DD1 and DD3 are having a chinese tonight.......
will catch you all later

Stormy
xxxxxx

babyangel10

Hi Stormy,

So pleased to hear DD3 is doing ok - bet you missed her like mad!

Enjoy your chinese, and why not have a yummy big fat feel good pud for afters, or a big bottle of wine (or both?! ) and have a nice evening. I'm sure John will be looking down on you smiling as you scoff yourselves daft!

Try to have as good a weekend as poss too.

Take care,

Big hugs,


T x