Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

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morning stormy, big hugs to you, yes you will get horrible days and its only to be expected after what you have been through, some days you will feel anger, some days panic and some days hopelessness, grief has different stages and you have to go through them all to come out the other side sadly, but you will, have no doubt of that and as i said before you will emerge stronger than ever and john, i have no doubt is only feeling pride at how well you are doing, and feeling guilt is quite normal too, i often feel like that yet, just lately at the boys nativity play, that i was there and dh couldnt be, take care, our thoughts are with you x

Mrs(no)money

Stormybay wrote:

Hello everyone,
I've had a difficult day today, I don't really know why, just feeling out of sorts. I fell asleep in the chair for 3 hours tonight, i think I'm just emotionally drained and feel quite ill.
I've been thinking about work, and I DO want to go back, but have started to feel panicy about it and I hate this feeling as I've never felt like this. I keep thinking that John might feel bad of me that I'm getting on with things, I don't want him to feel bad of me.
Gosh my head is spinning and I thought I was doing so well too. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, all this is pretty normal, it's just that usually I'm so strong and I hate it when i'm not, I feel out of control.
Thank you too everyone for supporting me, I read the threads and you all say how well I'm doing, but I feel (today anyway) that I'm not, but I suppose the fact that I' have survived another day and managed to go shopping proves that I am getting on, carrying on, as I should be, especially for the children.
It's been rather emotional I suppose beacuse DD3 went back to school and coped brilliantly.........I should take a leaf out of her book.
Take care all,
Stormy

Hi Stormy,

Have just read through the recent posts and am pleased to see you're doing well. i think maybe you're probably doing so much in an effort to 'get on with things' and keep busy that the exhaustion is finally taking its toll! Dont overdo it! Yes, you survived another day but theres lots more to go yet!

Re work on Monday, can i suggest get everything ready that you need, clothes ironed etc in good time and then try to focus on something else. Please dont waste your energy worrying about it, your colleagues wont be expecting miracles from you; you've probably done the hardest bit which was meeting them for the lunch the other day. Take a moment to think how far you've come - all the things you've had to do, how you dreaded doing them, and how you did them and got through it. Monday might not be easy, but it probably wont be as awful as you think its going to be. John would want you to be 'get on with things' and returning to work is just one of the 'things'. He would be proud of you im sure. Dont be too hard to yourself and remember, we will all be thinking of you and wishing you well.

Take care, x

Stormybay

Thank you all for the encouragement, yes, I suppose everything I do at the moment is emotionally draining, whether that's cleaning the house or sorting out John's paperwork.

Just as I thought things couldn't get any worse, John's son's wife passed away last night too. I don't know if I mentioned this before, she had cancer and has been so ill. God I feel so much for him, and he's so far away too, in San Diego, and all his family are here in North Wales. She was only 30, and the odd thing is I really need to talk to John about all that's going on, we would have been able to go out there and help, but now it's all a mess!
A friend has suggested I buy a note book and new pen and write down all the things I want to say to John, I think I will do this, it seems a great idea, I can then get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper, then maybe my mind will stop spinning so much.
seroxat chick - I'm so sorry for your loss, you have had the worst ever loss I can imagine, it gives me hope that you are still here today, God know's how anyone copes with the loss of a child. Well done and thank you so much for giving me hope and support when reading this thread must be heatbreaking for you and for anyone else who had lost someone close
Oh I forgot to tell you, my best friends' husband has offered to buy John's car, which is great because I know he'll look after it and cherish it as John would. John liked the chap, so I'm so glad it's going to a good home.
Stormy

Lucifer

Hey Stormy,

I am so sorry for the further loss you have suffered. You understand better then anyone at the moment just how Johns son is feeling. To lose your father and wife within a month must be nearly enough to bring the poor man to his knees!! If you have the strength you can seek solice and support from each other.

If you don't feel able to go to San Diego, then dont go. You can send a letter and maybe some special photos of him and John as a keepsake if you have any. For him knowing you are there to support him in the midst of your own grief will be immeasurable.

Also about work. I know you can feel the panic rising inside of you, but trust me it will bring a sense of normality back into your life. Your mind and body will be occupied for 8 hours each day. You will be mentally, physically and emotionally drained when you get home, but the routine will bring you some comfort.

I am sure your boss and colleagues cant help but to love and care about you as we have all done, and they will want to make the transition easier for you.

Take it easy sweetie x

Mrs(no)money

Stormybay wrote:

Thank you all for the encouragement, yes, I suppose everything I do at the moment is emotionally draining, whether that's cleaning the house or sorting out John's paperwork.

Just as I thought things couldn't get any worse, John's son's wife passed away last night too. I don't know if I mentioned this before, she had cancer and has been so ill. God I feel so much for him, and he's so far away too, in San Diego, and all his family are here in North Wales. She was only 30, and the odd thing is I really need to talk to John about all that's going on, we would have been able to go out there and help, but now it's all a mess!
A friend has suggested I buy a note book and new pen and write down all the things I want to say to John, I think I will do this, it seems a great idea, I can then get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper, then maybe my mind will stop spinning so much.
seroxat chick - I'm so sorry for your loss, you have had the worst ever loss I can imagine, it gives me hope that you are still here today, God know's how anyone copes with the loss of a child. Well done and thank you so much for giving me hope and support when reading this thread must be heatbreaking for you and for anyone else who had lost someone close
Oh I forgot to tell you, my best friends' husband has offered to buy John's car, which is great because I know he'll look after it and cherish it as John would. John liked the chap, so I'm so glad it's going to a good home.
Stormy

So very sorry stormy to hear of yet more pain and heartache for you and your family.Yes, you did mention johns sons wife was very ill and the end was inevitable, very soon, although somehow i didnt realise you meant quite so soon. I dont really know what to say except you know now how strong you are and that you and the family will get through this together. On a positive, and i hate to say it, (because its what everyone says) her suffering is over now, for that you must be glad.

I think its an excellent idea for you to write things down, it might help you to see things a bit more clearly and get things off your chest. Oh, and great news that johns car will be going to a good home - he would be pleased.

Take care stormy, x:grouphug:

anniestar

Stormy, an SO sorry to hear the very sad news about your DIL. Wirting things down is an excellent idea I have done it at various times in my life and it really helped me a lot. As ever my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Also just wanted to say PLEASE PLEASE remember to look after yourself and be KIND to yourself. You deserve it and it will help you. Love always Annie, XXXX

spud30

Hi Stormy,

I'm so sorry to hear of yet more sad news for you and your family.

Writing things down is a great idea, but dont forget to keep talking to John. I lost my mum many years ago, and still talk to her when I'm here alone. In fact, I often smell her perfume around the house.

My FiL died several years ago, and my lad was only little. I often used to hear him chatting away when he was in bed but still awake. One evening I asked him who he was talking to...he said he could hear his grandad talking to him and was chatting back.

Loads of love

Spud xx

jenchin66

Stormy, like spud30, I lost my mum 5 years ago and I have a magnolia tree planted in my garden (it was her favorite tree) I sit out in the garden and talk to her. I tell her everything I would have if she was still with me. It's surprising how much it helps .:grouphug:

1_step_closer

Stormy, very sorry to hear your further news. I do remember reading about it, your poor family. You are all being very brave and very strong, even if you don't feel it right now.

I think the planting of a tree is a great idea if you feel up to it.
Are you able to travel to the USA at all?

Stormybay

Hello everyone, yes it is so sad for SIL, I feel for him so much, my step daughters and their Mum are travelling to the US on Monday, I'm unable to go due to finances etc, but I do believe that SIL will be coming back for a short while after the funeral, so I will see him then. He wants to visit and perhaps take some of his Dad's tools etc, he also wants to visit his Dad's final resting place etc. I will look forward to seeing him as he's not been home for 4 years, although it will be a bitter sweet experience.

I have been out today and bought a journal and new pen (as advised by another step daughter), and am going to collate my thoughts and news to John in there. I'm quite looking forwad to it being quite theraputic.

I had a bed day yesterday with grief and sorrow, I feel a little better today, knowing that I can write things down. I also don't feel to bad about going to work on Monday either. I've had lots of offers of help for the school holidays and am going to take up the offers. Lets hope they are still there when I need them. I'm sure most will be.
Lots of love,
Stormy
xxxxxx