Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Newbie2saving

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks for the thoughts and kind words. I hope your Christmases haven't been too difficult. I just have wanted to get through it, my DS doesn't know that I wasn't celebrating, and I will get away with it again next yr as he is too young.

People keep telling me the New Year will be better for me, but I can't get that into my head, I just keep thinking it takes me further away from my DH and the last time I saw him.

I hope you all are ok and thanks again....x.

Different_Corner

Hi Newbie.
Yes, takes you further away, know exactly what you mean. In my early raw days I always felt like I was waiting for something. I had no idea what, but each day that vacant feeling was there, like I was on the outside looking in.

You sound like you have got through the 'celebrations' the best you could. Really are no rules are there ? Just look after you.

Hugs.

AnW'sMum

Newbie I think we can all relate to that and this new year seems to be harder than previous ones for me. Perhaps it is because we are embarking on a new decade (although some will argue that that is next year) I have never been a big new year fan and more so than ever I hate it now. DC is right though there are no rules I hope that next Christmas will be a bit easier for you both.

Stormybay

Hi Everyone, and thank you so much for your kind thoughts on the 22nd. I went up to the cemetery at 7.30am as I couldn't sleep, it was oh so peaceful there, and the frost was glistening on the grass and the headstones, it was very surreal and calming, I'm so glad I went. Rosie didn't want to go, she tells me that she thinks of her Dad in her head, and does this whenever she wants to, so there was no need to go. That's fair enough. I can hardly beleive she is now 14, and was only 11 when her dad died. She is so full of life and loves her sport, I know John would be so proud of her! Well, maybe not the belly button piercing that materialised on her birthday, compliments of her older sisters!! grrrr.

It's been a difficult year for me 2009, there have been a lot of upset, trials and tribulations within the immediate family, problems with the older children that have been difficult, the older girls seemed to have settled down now, although they are both now single working mums, which is hard for them. (A bit like me really, lol).
My son is having a bad time, messing with the wrong people and getting into trouble here and there. I've had to administer 'tough love' and have been trawling the boards here for answers. But hey, that's another story.

I have been thinking of you all over the holiday period, it is so hard for you all, and we have survived.........WELL DONE...

I hope 2010 will be a little calmer for me and a little more comforting to all of you out there who are missing that special person. They DO live on in spirit and in our children, I see John every day in Rosie's eyes, I am so lucky.

Love to you all and have as a peaceful 2010 as possible.........

Stormy
xxxxx

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

I hope you are all keeping well and 2010 is a bit easier than 2009.

Ian's headstone is finally in place and it looks great They rang me on his birthday to tell me it was ready and it was in situ 3 days later. Alice was so excited and couldn't wait for school to finish so she could go and see it, William seemed impressed as well. Ian's birthday is known as Yellow Day (Ian's favourite colour) over on the flylady thread, the girls on there all change there avatars to yellow pics for the day, the support is overwhelming and humbling. We all remember those we have lost.

Keep safe, strong and well everyone. xx

sarymclary

AnW'smum, what lovely timing for Ian's headstone. It is surprising how the support from those we don't always know so well in 'real life' can make such a big difference, and have so much of an impact on us, isn't it? I have found it invaluable to have had support from my MSE friends, both here and now on facebook.

I had to attend the funeral of the father of my best friend on Friday. It was a very spiritual service, and really touched me. It's also the first funeral I've had to attend since J's, so it really did bring it all back to me, which I hadn't anticipated. Some of the words said in the service by the priest threw up all manner of questions, and deep thinking for me, which surprised me. I guess it's because it's all part of their job, that those in the church speak so freely about our mortal and immortal lives. Anyway, I did a bit of searching online yesterday and think I've found the answer to the question that was thrown up, which was: if you've been widowed, and then have another relationship/marriage, what happens when you die and go to heaven (for those that believe there is such a thing, obviously), do you have to choose who to be with? How does it all work out? Apparently when our soul goes to heaven, we are all like brother & sister, and love everyone without having to feel aligned with 1 person or another. It set my mind at rest.
I'd have never considered that question had I not lost J.

The next couple of months contain 2 anniversaries for us, firstly J's birthday in March, and then the anniversary of his death in April. I struggle to even believe it's going to be 6 years since he died. Everyone else seems to think it's about 4 years, but it really has been that long now.

As AnW says, keep safe and stay strong everyone xxx

Different_Corner

Hi all.
I hope you are all feeling okay, with anniversaries, firsts and hope the continuing journey we are all on is being kind to you.

Yesterday I was listening to the Jeremey Vine show on Radio 2. Towards the end of the program they had Barbara Want on who lost her husband to cancer. She's written a book 'Why Not Me?' About life as a 'widow'.

It was short but I felt my self nodding to many of her examples of experiencing grief. Self confidence issues, relationships with friends etc etc..

It's good to know it's all normal.

sarymclary

Hi DC,

I was listening to that on Radio 2 yesterday, and was nodding away too. It is a tall order for a new relationship to have to contend with seeing your old 'happy memories' beaming at them from photographs has to be a tricky one. There's no right and wrong way, and some people choose not to have another relationship. Provided they're living the life they want, I don't see a problem with that.

Having moved forward into a new relationship, I can say that the first couple of years or more I spent a long time comparing, and not understanding why my new partner wasn't like my husband had been. I had to understand that he was a completely different person, and we'd have a completely different relationship. Now I am glad that we do, as I didn't want a replacement, and I've experienced two different types of love and commitment. At the beginning i have to admit I didn't think that was possible, but now I know it is.

DC, whatever any of us are feeling, it's 'normal'. Hope you're OK.

Newbie2saving

Sarymclary, hope March hasn't been too difficult and with April here, I know you mentioned you had a couple of anniversaries - my thoughts are with you.

I am struggling with simple things, still going through my firsts. I had to go to B&Q yesterday for the 1st time, I didn't realise how much we used to laugh there about my lack of knowledge and how my DH knew everything about DIY even though he was young, it made me chuckle. Simple things are so hard. I miss my life, I miss laughing, I miss being carefree...

I just popped by to wish you all a nice Easter weekend. I hope you all are well and that life is treating you as kindly as possible.

mandymoo

Hi everyone,

It is now 8 months, and I want my old life back, I really don`t know how to live my life without my DH, I function but don`t know how, on the outside people say I`m doing well but inside I am broken and won`t ever repair,

With love to you all
Mandymoo xxxxx