Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

AnW'sMum

Mandy I am glad the service was all you wanted, as for your MIL it says more about her to everyone else than anything which could have been said.

The numb feeling is one I think a lot of us can relate to, it seems to be the body's way of helping you cope. If you feel numb after such a traumatic event then you can carry on with general tasks. Every now and again the mind opens up to feelings of grief/anger/frustration etc but only so much as it thinks you can cope with at that point. This year of 'firsts' will be the most difficult but you will get there one step at a time. Keep posting, we are all here for each other.

I hope in time you will be able to plan another trip to Orlando with the children and perhaps use it to celebrate all that your DH means to you all. I am sure he would want you to have good times even though he can not share them the same with you.

Alice, William and I are going on holiday tomorrow (Alice and William are there already with my Mum and Dad, I take over tomorrow) it will be the 2nd year we have used the caravan without Ian. Last year was tough but after the initial wobbles about whether I could cope we did have a good time. There is still a bit of trepidation this year but I now know that we will be ok.

Love and Hugs to everyone x

Different_Corner

Hi
Something happened today that prompts this (somewhat selfish) post.An old old friend I'd lost touch with found me on friends reunited recently, and we've been communicating via FB.
As hard as I find it to comprehend this life has been real for 16 months I was talking to said friend today and was reminded of who I was some 21 years ago, let alone 2 years ago. I want to be me again. Thinking about this I realise that I now see this period in my life as something that happened, not something that's happening.

I know we all get to this point, and we never know when it's coming. But I actually feel able to breathe/laugh/smile again. I'm not looking for anything I'm just finding contentment in being at the moment.

The kids are doing well, a great source of laughter and love.
Just wanted to check in. Hope you are all ok.

mandymoo

Different-corner, I am so glad that you are feeling positive and there is nothing selfish in that. You deserve it and well done.
While I am on this awful journey I hope that one day I to can think of it as something that has happened and not happening, it is only six and a half weeks since my husband died and I am remembering what you were all told "little steps breath little steps breath" I would never have believed 2 years ago when I was on here talking about my dad dying that I would be here for my husband.

I wish you all the best
love and hugs

mandymoo xx

Different_Corner

Mandy-Moo
Still so raw for you. And I know life is just a blur for you. How many times people say 'Time will heal'. And as much as you know they are being kind you just don't want to hear it. Just want everything back as it 'should' be.

I hope you are being kind to yourself. Not expecting too much. The little things set you off, the post, a song, a film. Go with them and let it out.

Still have bad days, get cross, sad and angry. But then I have days that memories I thought I'd forgotten pop up. Your 25 years with a good man is something to treasure

Come on here and let us how you are doing. I think I've mentioned it before but I found a great rescouce in www.ywbb.org. It's American based but can say what you like there, or just read and nod .

Hugs to you.

sarymclary

DC it's a slow reawakening when you discover that the happening has become a happened. I liken bereavement to being slowly woken from a dreadful nightmare, that just seemed to go on night after night. Eventually I stopped being quite so scared, the dreams weren't so scary, and then they began to stop altogether. What we don't initially realise is the lesson that losing those we love should teach us; that life is precious, and can be gone too soon, so we should treasure it, and those around us, and make the most of it while we can.

Mandymoo, just keep taking those baby steps, and remember to keep breathing. It is a rocky road I cannot deny, and the initial feelings of loss can be so overwhelming. Allow yourself the space to just be, and DC's comments above are so true about just going with the 'moments'. They're like waves, and some can crash over you without warning, but you become more adept at riding them.

You slowly start to live again, but it's never the same again. You cannot experience something this big and not have it leave its mark on you. I have certainly learnt from my own experience, and it has made me who I am today, and who I will be in the future, and the same is said for my children. We do, however, owe it to those no longer with us, to make the most of living, even if it is without them. Of that I am in no doubt.

Take care of yourself Mandymoo, and pop back here whenever you need to.

S xxx

nursemolly

dear mandymoo, i have just about about your terrible loss. you were so lovely to me when i lost my partner nearly 3 years ago and you said some lovely comforting things. well i would like to return the favour and send you my love and massive (((hugs))).
its just hurts so much at the time, but honestly it does get easier. i will never ever forget my partner and all the wonderful times we had, but i know in my heart he would`ve wanted me to move on and to have a happy life and not to be sad. i am still in touch with the children, but afraid not so often. i feel they have moved on and maybe see me as a link to their father, that maybe they feel brings back too many memories.. who knows. but at least they are happy.
so, baby steps and literally one day at a time. one day you may feel fine and another day you may feel very sad, so take it slow and easy.
god bless you mandymoo and again big (((hugs)))
love
molly
xxxxxxx

mandymoo

Nursemolly,

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I am taking tiny steps but it hurts so much, we were never apart and alot of me went with him, I just go through the motions each day and put on a face that people want to see. Thank you once again and I am pleased that it is a little easier now for you and you have lovely memories to treasure.

Love and hugs
Mandymoo xxx

nursemolly

hello ..
just popped in to say i hope everyone is coping in the run up to christmas....especially mandymoo as its still so recent for her, as it can evoke a lot of memories and be a difficult time of year.
its almost 3 years for me since i lost my wonderful man, but i am actually looking forward to christmas as i am feeling more settled now and i know he would want me to to.
thinking of you all
lots of love
molly
xxxxx

sarymclary

Hello,
How very thoughtful of you nursemolly. It is a difficult time of year for those who have lost their loved ones. It gives us time for reflection, and there are many triggers for memories, such as songs, films, or traditions. I found attending school nativity/assemblies rather difficult to begin with, but I pushed myself on for the children's sake, and that did begin to help and be my medicine. I've realised that my youngest child has been my constant ray of sunshine on many a dark day over the past few years, and I am so grateful to him for the joy he has brought me, which his innocence allowed to shine.

Of course this time of year coincides with Stormy's loss of her beloved John, who died so close to Christmas, so special thoughts for you there. I hope you enjoy a family christmas Stormy, and enjoy those grandchildren of yours.

Mandymoo none of us can lie and say that Christmas will be easy for you. I hope you find a way to get through it the best way you can, and we'll be here for you if you need somewhere to reflect, or just tell us frankly how you're feeling. Take care, and know that your friends here will be thinking of you and the family.

Much love and best wishes to you all for Christmas and the new year
Sary
xxxxx

mandymoo

Sary, thank you so much for thinking about me, I am taking little steps and the pain is unbearable, so much of me went with him. It was our son`s 21st this week and it is our youngest son`s on boxing day, only our daughter talks about it but the boys don`t at all, thats fine as there is no right or wrong way.

With love and special thoughts to you all
Mandy xxxx