Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Different_Corner

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you AnW. It's quite a private thing isn't it.

Stormy, hope you had a good b'day. Birthdays are hard because they trigger past celebrations, but then the good memories get stronger and stronger. It's like sometimes I recall something I had totally forgotten.

Hugs to you all.

sarymclary

Belated Happy Birthday to you Stormy. It sounds as though you found the perfect balance to spend the day as you wanted; quiet reflection, with some time, peace and space to share that part with John and your memories, and then with good company in the evening to celebrate your special day.

AnW - I know today will be a difficult day, but I also know you are an incredibly strong person, who will soldier on through the day focussing on A & W, whilst thinking all the time of Ian. No doubt you will find a bit of quiet space for reflection, and I know that Ian will be looking down on you with so much pride and love. You are such an inspiration to me, and many others here, so know that there are others out there thinking of you today, and other times too. As we all know, the hurting never stops, but we do a darn good job of hiding it most of the time.

I don't know what is going on in my head at the moment, but the dreams still keep happening here. I'm dreaming of J every night, and they are so vivid. I can't quite decide if I'm getting the comfort from them as I once did, as I felt they used to be a good way to pretend he was still alive (at least while I slept), but now I just feel it's creating a raw feeling again, that I'd been able to ease, or maybe it's just the confusion they seem to create? Who knows. Hopefully they'll subside soon enough.:rolleyes:

A bit of a rainy weekend here, so I'll be hoping the sunshine will be returning next week for us all. I'm off to see my 15 y/o play drums in his school soul band today at the local town festival, so it'll be a nice proud mum moment for me today.:T

Different_Corner

Just wanted to pop in say I hope yesterday was okay for those that have lost. It's not the easiest day of the year when the vital ingredient isn't present.

Safe to say we all had him in our minds and baked a rather awesome chocolate cake to cheer ourselves up.

Hugs to those that need them.

AnW'sMum

That sounds great DC

It was not too bad here partly because it was my Mum and Dad's ruby anniversary so Alice, William and I went out with Mum and Dad for a celebratory meal What with Sunday school first things there was not a lot of the day left.

We decided to go and see Ian today instead as Alice and William were very tired after a busy weekend. We have a card to take and are going to let a balloon off with a message for Daddy after school today

Stormybay

Hi All,
I hope the balloon flying went off ok AnWsMum, I was in Blackpool on a friends hen weekend, and didn't get to the cemetery until sunday evening. I went and took some flowers to John and a lovely plant for my Dad. It was lovely and peaceful, and I sat and chatted to them both for a while. The children didn't want to come with me, they were happy for me to say hi, and sent their love, and that was fine by me.
Things are still iffy in work, not sure what will happen when I finish in September, so I'm busy filling in application forms and scouring the papers, it's times like this when I could do with some advice from John, although, I know he would just say, 'Don't worry about it'!
Right, better get off to work, I'm off to see Take That tomorrow night, so I'm looking forward to that
Have a lovely weekend everyone, love to all
Stormy
xxxxxx

sarymclary

Hello All,

I was the only one, I think, who thought of J on Father's Day, but in some ways I felt that it is better that way for the children. They remembered my BF and bought him gifts & a card, and my 2 youngest put 'to the bestest daddy in the world ever', which is really sweet. I know J would be both sad and glad at that. My BF has been in their lives longer than their own dad was, so it's natural. The last father's day for their real dad was 6 years ago. How the time flies.

AnW letting the balloon fly sounds like such a lovely way to celebrate their dad, and very symbollic.

Stormy, I hope the job hunt goes well. I've been doing the same, although not consistently, for the past year. I have just see a vacancy available at the boys' grammar school for an admin post, so I will apply for that. It will be flooded with applicants, as all the mums will fancy it, but you just never know...

Take care all, the weather forecast is meant to be rather warm and sunny into next week, so I'm planning to enjoy that.
S xxx

Butterfingers

Hi all. I have read this thread from the very beginning - never thinking that one day I too would be widowed. Sadly that has now happened - after a short illness my beautiful husband died a few weeks ago. Trying to cope but not easy as you all know.
One thing I hope you can maybe help me with is the car insurance - it was in his name with me as an added driver ( does that make sense? ). I have been driving for 28 years without any problems but one quote I had was for £585 and we only paid £185 for the two of us!! Did you all have the same problem or are there any insurance companies out there willing to offer insurance at a sensible price?
Hope you can help. Thanks.

AnW'sMum

Hi Butterfingers

So sorry you have had to join the 'club' there is a lot of support on here as you will have read.

As to the car insurance I am not sure, we both had our own policies as we were lucky enough to have two cars. I seem to think there are some companies that will take account of the fact that whilst you have not had a policy on your own name you have been driving without incident in the past. I would suggest ringing a broker and explaining the situation as they are likely to be aware of any companies offering this.

When Ian died it was cheaper for me to add my Dad on to my policy (Ian was on it) rather than carry on with it just in my name!

If there is anything else we can help with or you just want someone to 'listen' then post away

The balloon flying was great thanks for asking sary and stormy Later on this year William will have lived as long without Ian as with him and that will be a tough time for me.

For now it's the school hols (broke up last Friday) and they are both having fun, Alice is baking some biscuits and William is just enjoying playing without time constraints. They are both having a PJ day at their request as well!

School reports were excellent (and cost me some £ ) and they both got 100% attendance for the year. For that they will be going out for lunch in Sept to Pizza Hut with the other kids that got 100%

Hope everyone else is doing ok and that the school holidays are not too fraught!

sarymclary

Hello, and a warm welcome Butterfingers, and I'm sorry you've found yourself in the position of joining our 'club', as AnW put it.

I can only recommend doing as AnW suggested and ringing around some brokers, or directly to various insurance companies until you find one who will take into account your no-claims. Policies are so much more flexible now, and they do have ones where named drivers accumulate no-claims bonus for themselves, so it has to be a possibility I'm sure.

AnW my youngest son only had his dad for 3 years, and has been without him for more than 5 now, and my 2nd youngest will have been without his dad for longer than he had him by next spring. It's hard to comprehend sometimes, isn't it?

I can only equate the feelings of 'moving away' from the date they died like being on a train journey, and we keep getting further away from our departure point, never to return, but forever on a journey to somewhere else... not always of our choosing. I keep getting 'flashes' of reminders of my DH in my sons. This weekend was a classic, where my 15 y/o started doing a funny dance at a party we attended, and it could have been my DH stood there doing it. The funny face, the mannerisms, it was uncanny. I find it spooky, weird, and reassuring all at the same time!

The children's godmother says she can really see the similarities between my DH and my youngest son, and for her, it is just like looking into his face all over again. For me, it is definitely my 2nd eldest, because he has so much of his dad's personality within him (even the not so pleasant bits)!

School holidays here too. Our's broke up very early this year, so are already into their 2nd week off. I'm taking the boys away to Cornwall for our first family holiday in about 8 years. It will be a long old drive there (and back), but hopefully the weather will improve significantly, and we'll get to have some fun on the beach. We're staying in a cottage, so at least we have a cosy home to go to if need be.

Well done to the children AnW. Two of mine got 99% attendance this year, and my 11 y/o got a wonderful report, so is now the proud owner of 2 new PS2 games. The other 3 'could try harder' apparently, so this year go unrewarded. It's tough being a mummy sometimes, but doing the job well is essential at times like that. Having witnessed one of my neice's this w/end behaving like a complete madam (and she's 19), I can truly say that spoiling your children totally ruins them, and does not make them very nice adults. My poor sister has bent over backwards to accommodate her children, but they just take her for granted, don't respect her, and she gets very little back in return. Once they've flown the nest, I can see that she won't have the close adult relationship she'd hoped for.

Anyway, totally OT... sorry!

Best wishes to all, and hoping the challenges ahead are bearable.

Butterfingers

Hi. Thanks for your replies. Must get this sorted somehow tomorrow - it's just that by not doing it, I can pretend that nothing's happened! If only!!! Just wiping up all the tears from the keyboard! How I hate this life now!!! How you have all kept going I do not know but I suppose it's having younger children that helps. Mine are late teens and early twenties and can look after themselves. They have been a wonderful help but what I wouldn't give to have my lovely husband back. How I miss him. Other people just aren't the same are they and they all go back to their normal lives whilst we struggle on.