Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

sarymclary

Hello All,

Well done DC. I know what you mean about people not thinking when speaking to you, but then I try to flip that with consoling myself that at least they aren't treading on eggshells around me, and are just speaking normally. Perhaps if you have someone who does it alot though, it might just be worthwhile saying something along the lines that you'd love the chance to moan about your husband's mess again - I bet that shuts them up!

I've done a table top sale today with some of the proceeds going to NSPCC. It was a rather quiet affair unfortunately, because the weather chose this morning to turn wintry here, but now it's finished the sun is shining!! I was selling some of my own painted pots, that I decided to try my hand at again after not doing any for 12 years. I've really enjoyed doing them, because I've always like painting, and they look pretty good (even if I do say so myself!), but it was a bit of a reminder that the last time I did them I had my DH and we were still making plans, etc. Our lives were so different then, although financially we were going through bad times - even then.

I've had contact from my ex-inlaws again, which isn't wanted, and it makes me feel threatened, especially because I know they want to get to see the children, but they behaved so nastily after my DH death (not attending his funeral etc) that I cannot trust them. I just wish they would leave things alone, and let me and the boys be. hey ho.

Thinking of you all often. I hope you're all OK, especially with Christmas just round the corner now.

S xxxx

Different_Corner

Good Morning
I hope you are all ok.
Here I am 7 months widowed in the middle of the usual December madness. It's hard doing this 'alone'. The sad moments still come, obviously, but I now deal with them by remembering a happy event, a flashback of a joke, silliness.
Something quite strange but reassuring happened two weeks ago, a sign that he's watching and is looking after us. A huge comfort to me that has been leading me towards a much more positive frame of mind.
Stormy thinking of you as you approach the next few days.
Sary, you are a very strong independent inspirational person, don't let the negativity of the inlaws sap anything from you.

sarymclary

Hi DC and All,
well, here we are but a few days away from Christmas. Another 'family' event to overcome.

It's lovely to hear that you're being looked after DC. It is a comfort isn't it?

It's been a funny day for me today. I've got this sense of my DH being 'around' at the moment too. I walked downstairs this morning, and I'd dried my hair as it naturally is, curly, and one of my older sons commented that it reminded him of how I looked when his dad was alive, and he liked it.

Then I was rooting around in the attic, trying to find some elusive Christmas decorations, which I have now decided I must have stored elsewhere, when I came across an old diary of my DH. He seldom kept a diary, but it's from when we were living abroad, and I used to have to leave him for periods of time to come back to the UK, and he'd written about how much he missed me, how he needed me so much emotionally, but that I was stronger than him, etc, etc., and it just seemed so prophetic now he's died. I miss his love so much, and almost 5 years on I struggle to be without him. I have my BF, who I love dearly too, but it's hard to explain how you can't just switch a previous love off. It's my b/day tomorrow, so I'm taking the diary find as a gift.
I hope you are all coping with the holiday season, and find your own gifts wherever you may be.
DC, thanks for your kind words. I needed reminding that I am strong. It's the 'curve balls' that sometimes catch you the worst, and my ex-inlaws are one of the worst!

S xxx

mandymoo

Hello all,

Not on here much but you are all always in my thoughts especially this time of year.

And special thoughts and hugs for Stormybay today, I can`t beleive two years have past and all our paths crossed.

Love and hugs to you all
Mandymoo xxx

Different_Corner

Yes Stormy, thoughts with you today.

sarymclary

Stormy and family,
Thinking of you today especially. Where has the time gone?
I am sure John is looking down on you today, and watching over you all.
Love and hugs
Sarah xx

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

Special hugs for Stormy today, have been thinking about you all day wondering how you and the family are getting on.

I can't believe where time is running away to, hope you find the strength that you need to get through these hard times.

xxx

Stormybay

Hello everyone, and thank you so much for all your kind thoughts and wishes, and I send them back to you all as well, with the hope that, like me, you all get throught the festive season one way or another.
I can't believe it's been two years either, I had a quiet day on the 22nd. I went with my eldest daughter to the cemetary in the morning, who then told me the lovely news that she was expecting a baby in July (not the daughter who already has 2), and then I went back later with Rosie, so we could tell John that he was going to be a grandad and take a holly wreath.
Me and the children went out fro lunch together with my 2 grandchildren. I was just a lovely day. In the evening, the time that John died, I had a quiet reminisce for a few moments, alone with my own thoughts, then I carried on. All in all, from all the advice I've had on hear, I wouldn't have believed it, but people are right. It does get better in time, the day passed with lovely memories.
I was really pleased, as John's headstone has arrived and it's really lovely. After all the wrangling with it, I worded it exactly as I wanted to, with the Welsh Dragon proudly displayed.
I'm going to visit John's cousin this morning, her mother (john's auntie) passed away a month or so ago, and so it goes on.....
I've come to the conclusion that as the saying goes, there are only 2 surities in life, taxes and death...........and that life around us goes on, and we have to get on with it as best we can. I already have a new 8 month old grandson, with another on it's way, so the legacy of John will, thankfully, never die
There are quite a few of you on here that will be having to cope with Christmas without their loved ones for the first time, and to be honest, I don't really have much advice on how to cope. I think what I did, was to give myself half an hour on that day to actually physically grieve and told myslef, that the rest of the time, I was just going to get on with the day, and that's exactly what I did.
I still felt guilty that I was able to celebrate with the children and John couldn't, but I feel that way about a lot of things, and I've decided that's a feeling I just have to get used to, and I now sort of ignore it!
Well, as usual, I'm rambling on and on, so I'll wish you all a merry Christmas as much as it can be, and please join me for half an hour on Christmas day for thoughts of those who can't be with us, and those of us left, I'll be thinking of John and all you here. My half an hour will be 10 - 10.30am, that's when I can fit it in!! That will be my shower time after opening presents, where I will be able to think in peace, and if I do have a little cry, then they can be showered away whilst I get on with my day.
Love and kisses to all of you, and THANK YOU for surviving my journey with me for the past 2 years
Stormy
xxxxxx

sarymclary

I think I'll join you (in spirit, not ACTUALLY in the shower!) Stormy. 10am will be a good time for me to take some time out.

My 4 boys and I have taken our flowers up to their Dad's grave today. I think I needed to go more than they did, although I do think my older boys understood it was right to go. The younger two were just so young when they lost their daddy, that I don't think they feel connected in the same way.

Stormy, you mentioned John's headstone looking good, but we have still yet to get one for my DH. In fact my sons aren't keen to get one, because they like the fact that only they know where their dad is buried. I am respecting their wishes, but hope it doesn't make it look like he's being 'neglected'. If they change their minds I'll order one.

Anyway, now I'm rambling! I'm grateful to being one of the survivors, like Stormy, and wish you all a very happy Christmas.

Much love
S xxxx

Stormybay

Merry Christmas every one, I hope you all find some sort of peace for today, the new year and beyond.

Sary, I think it's lovely that your boys are the only ones who know where their Dad is, and no one else. Actually, I think my John would have liked that too, and it's not at all neglected.....

Hope everyone has a good day despite their circumstances, and sary, I'll be thinking of you (and everyone else) at 10am

Stormy