Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Different_Corner

Sary
Your post made a lot of sense, I really do need to budget - properly. I do go to the local Morrisons for milk and minor top ups and end up spending £30 on non essentials. Meal-planning is the hardest, cooking for OH was easy, he ate most things and more. These two young men of mine are would be junk addicts if I let them, I have spied a couple of empty pot noodle pots in the bin recently, but I know they are eating on the right side of healthy in the mornings and evenings. Guess I should be thankful they can fend for themselves when I'm at work !

We have had a very lazy weekend, I think the most excercise we had was walking the dog, aside from that we slumped on the sofa watching bad teen movies like Chuck and Larry.

I started feeling guilty that I haven't 'done' anything with the boys this summer holiday, but speaking to my SIL put my mind at rest. At the moment it's okay to just 'be' they are safe, secure and with me. No demands or masks, just relaxing. In a months time I'll be yearning for some chill out time when football fixtures, youth club activities and after school events demand my time.

We're okay, approaching the 3 month mark, and I can feel it all under the surface, the silliest things set me off, a scene in Chuck and Larry saw a revisit of the grief monster yesterday, thankfully being a comedy it didn't last long. I don't want my sons to see me sad all the time as it affects their mood.

Thanks for reading

Hanniebis

I've read through a lot of this thread and I just want to say that it's so inspiring to anybody who has lost someone close to them.. Stormy, you are a wonderful mother and a strong woman.

DC - meal planning is probably one of the last things you want to do right now. But if you do it well you'll save yourself a lot of stress in the coming weeks and months. Maybe you could make a list of things that you know the boys find really yummy (pizza, chicken, etc?) and then make a list of healthy meal ideas with them in (vege pizza, chicken and rice, etc?). Have 4 or 5 main meal ideas and stick to that. As I'm sure you know most young men honestly don't care about - or notice! - lack of variation as long as they like the food enough! Try to write a complete list for breakfast/lunch things and toiletries too if you can. That way you can use the same shopping list every week or two and it'll be one less thing to worry about, and you'll be much less likely to overspend at the supermarket. Except on a few treats for yourself and the boys now and again, of course, which is super important..! Take care of yourself. Do something for yourself every day, even if it's only for 5 minutes, no matter what's happened. Buy your favourite chocolate bar and eat it alone, take a long bath, listen to some favourite songs. It might sound obvious, but it's important. I will be hanging around here so please pop back whenever you need support or need help. You are doing so well.

Hx

Stormybay

Hiya everyone,
I'm so glad you've all been getting along and surviving so well. I'm back off my holiday and had a lovely time with Rosie and s/d. I didn't do much apart from sit in the sun, swim in the pool and read books. (I read 4 whilst I was away, I love to 'escape' into fiction).
I got back on Tuesday and went back to work on Wednesday, so I'm totally tired trying to catch up on the washing, ironing and seeing the children and grand children, not to mention the Guinea pig having MORE babies.........
I've been asked to go for promotion in work.......I sort of stepped down after John, and have been floating really since, I'm not sure if I want to start climbing again, although it's similar to the management position I had before, and I know I can do it, it's just the meetings in London, Glasgow, Birmingham, Middlesboro etc, and getting someone to have Rosie, as they are often overnight. Having said that, I can't brood forever, and the extra money would be really useful, I must say. Decisions, decisions.....................
I'm really really bad at meal planning, my idea of a balanced diet at the moment is a tin of beans and a vitamin pill!!! And I really don't know what I'm going to do with Rosie for the rest of the summer, the poor girl is being shipped from pillar to post with various sisters, friends, and work colleagues, it's so difficult this year as she's 12 going on 20 and too old (she says) for a childminder, and too young (I say) to be left. It's a nightmare, there are not really any clubs or anything, and as I work a little while away from where I live, I couldn't take her there at 10 and pick her up at 3, as I leave for work at 8 and don't get home till 6. Oh, I don't know, this single parent/widow lark is getting really boring now.
Well, I'm off to bed after ironing for what seems like hours and hours........
Love to all, I hope you had a lovely time Anw's Mum.
Stormy

Stormybay

Hanniebis, thank you, sometimes I feel bad, today is the ammiversary of my Mum's death and that always brings back sad memories of her, my Dad and John, but I will stay strong, as we all strive to do!!!

chevalier

Stormy
I just want to say that I am sorry I kept missing this thread, but that since we last 'talked' I did go and get the anti d's and they worked, up to a point. And that we are now in New Zealand and that has helped a load. Even though it is the depths of winter, it is still warm enough to walk around with just a jumper on, and we are getting some good sunny breaks now. I feel so proud of myself I have just walked into town and done some of the shopping - major achievement for me as exercise of any sort is one of my 'can't be bothered' areas.
I can't believe how long it is since John passed away. As for the promotion I would be torn as well. In the end you have to decide if you are ready and Rosie. Also whilst climbing the career ladder may have been important to you before, is it now? Is more time with Rosie worth more than more money?

best of luck with the choice
chev

Different_Corner

Hi all
Sorry if this post feels like a ramble.

As I approach 4 months it seems things get harder. The Summer holidays were difficicult, keeping everything going, me at work, kids off, I had a lot of support from family. Although I intensly dislike having to rely on people, even if it is family.
Now as the routine changes again and both sons are at secondary school, it's like I look back over the last four months and wonder how on earth I'm still standing. If I stop everything will come crashing down around me. The house and car need attention, bills are flying in, I'm not drowning, but I think someone once gave an analogy of a duck; calm and serene on the surface, paddling like crazy underneath.

I've posted on the the giving up alcohol thread as I'm aware I'm probably drinking too much, not too a falling down state, just a few lagers each evening.

I'm still not in any shape or form budgeting very well, everything gets paid on time, more by luck than judgement.

I'm hoping that on my next day off, with no kids in the house I can get down and dirty with all the little jobs that have been piling up. All my promises of flyladying and OldStyle recipes have vanished, I need to get a grip.

I notice a lot of people feeling 'down' at this time of year, I guess the seasonal adjustment disorder touches a few of us.

Thanks for 'listening'.

Stormybay

Hi DC and Chevalier, great to hear from you both, I can't belleive you are in New Zealand, how fabulous, just in case you didn't know......it's cold, miserable and wet here, and just hideous. Well done for going out and doing the shopping, I hate it too, and what's worse, is coming home and putting it all away again......Oh how I love Tesco on line!
DC, I'm so sorry you are feeling low, it's just been such a short time for you and you have lots of difficult anniversaries still to come. But, honesty, you are being so strong, to come onto this thread and let it out shows that you are strong, and that's a huge step to be honest.
Well, on this horrid wet day, I want to send everyone a huge SUNNY smile and say that I'm thinking of you, and that I'm so proud of everyone, for surviving another sh*t summer.
Good grief, I bet that wherever John and our OH's are, it's glorious
Take care,
Love
Stormy

Stormybay

By the way DC, I just love your tag line
Stormy

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

Hope you are all well and survived the school holidays intact, I don't know where time has disappeared to it doesn't seem 2 minutes since they broke up.

Today is the first day back for Alice and William, we were quite well organised for a change! Shiny shoes, book bags, PE bags and lunch bags all remembered, I am fair impressed with myself!

DC you are doing really well but I can relate to all that you are saying. There are times now when I feel like it could all come crashing down around me and it is 2 years since Ian died. In some respects it seems like a long time and in others it was like he was here just yesterday. It's just so hard being a single parent at times, this is not what any of us signed up to but it has been forced upon us and at times it seems unrelenting.

You should come and join the flylady thread on here, there is loads of support and the girls there have a great laugh. I find it helps to be part of the gang there even if our house is still a pit! The chat is great and there is generally always someone around to have a laugh/cry with.

Have you made a decision on the job front Stormy? Always a tough one to decide, but I know you will make the right decision for you and Rosie.

Well done on the move to NZ Chev, sounds like you are settling there and enjoying life again.
Hugs to you all xx

sarymclary

Hello All,

Morning AnW'smum, I did the return to school last Wednesday, and it is nice to see the children go off in their shiny shoes, lunchbags and PE bags, organised for at least one day of the year! My eldest has entered 16th form this year, and finding him suitable clothing has been a nightmare, especially on a budget. We're still waiting for some of his items to arrive from Next, so he's in his old uniform for now - not very 'cool' apparently!

Wow Chev, NZ sounds lovely, and of course you've got the spring and summer to look forward to now. I used to be really good at the exercise thing, until the aircon broke at my gym, and they took so long to sort it out that my willpower to go broke too!:o

DC, I think it's just going to take a while longer to learn to adjust to all the changes. Well done on joining the alcohol thread. That takes courage, but also real honesty to want to deal with it. With the right support I am sure you will achieve your aim. Having lived with someone who's drinking went from having a couple to relax in the evening, to being out of control in a fairly short space of time, and now coping with the devastating effects, it really is worth dealing with. :T

What's going on with the job Stormy? I've just started job hunting, and have my 1st interview next week. Not only that, but it's my first interview in 22 years!!! I'm rather nervous, and thrilled to get the chance to go for it. At the same time, the children and I are having a trial run at living with my BF for the first time. We're a week or so in, and it's going OK. The children seem to be happy, and have adjusted really well. I think me and my BF are trying to adapt to sharing a bed every night - we both want ALL the space to ourselves, so aren't sleeping so well.

Once I'm working, we can plan more about making it a permanent move, but then comes the issue of trying to fit 2 houses into 1. I've just go SO much stuff, and things I want to just 'keep', for the memories, etc., but I don't want to fill my BF's house with !!!!. The key here will be to do it steadily, and take my time. I'm also going to do a few carboot sales to help get rid.

Right, I've got to go check on my house now, to make sure it's still standing (it's 10 miles away).

It's still soggy here, but I hope the sun is shining wherever you are today.

Love to you all
S xxx