Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

Hope you are all keeping well, it's ages since I posted here, juast been having a read back on recent events.

I hope Rhys arrived without problem Stormy and is bringing extra smiles into all you lives. Shelanne and Smoky thinking of you both.

It was half term here last week and I decided to get our touring caravan out for the first time since Ian died. It was an all or nothing mission and I am pleased to report that we all had a good time, albeit a very different one for me. It felt odd to be there without Ian but good to be using the caravan again. Alice and William's enthusiasm was very infectious and even though the weather was not the best we did something every day and had lots of late nights!

We went to York to a site I used to go to with my mum and dad when I was young as well as going there with Ian. Alice acted navigator and took us down some small country roads and into some pretty villages. Ian used to do that job and he would have been so proud of her. We just have to decide where to go for summer hols now and get something booked. Mum and Dad are going to come along and help us get set up. They will B&B it for a couple of days with us and then come back home.

Just got to get through the rest of the week now. On Friday it will be 2 years since Ian died and already I have a horrible knot in the pit of my stomach. I can't believe that it is two years already, where has time gone?

Sending hugs to you all xxx

Stormybay

Hello AnW's Mum, I so glad you got the caravan out, albeit a bitter sweet experience. You've done so well the past 2 years, and I'm sure Ian would be proud of you all.
It's the aniversary of my Dads passing on Friday too, 2 years, the same. What a sad day.
Well Rhys arrived safe and sound on the 15th May, and he is totally perfect and I am as besotted with him as I am with Ryan. They are like two peas in a pod, and I love them to bits. Just the proof I need that life goes on regardless of anything else.
Things took a strange turn a couple of weeks ago, I went to the doctors about a 'split cocyx (sp???)' and ended up crying about John. Which is very very strange as I NEVER cry. Certainly not when people are about anyhow. The result of this strange outburst was that she has referred be to Cruse. Of which, 2 weeks later I had my initial meeting with them.
Up to this point, I have just carried on as if John is still here, but I must have come to an emotional point that I need to let it all out, so to speak. I was all very odd to me, as I'm not much of a 'let people know how I'm feeling' sort of person. (except maybe to all you on here). But it felt right to talk. The lady I spoke to was lovely and I'm lookinf forward to going back. Has anyone on here had any experience of counselling, especially quite a while after the event? I'm so afraid that when I talk, I'll never stop.
I think that it's right to talk about what happened now, and also the deaths of my Mum and Dad, I feel I've never grieved, as such, for any of them. What do you think?
On a brighter note, I managed to put up a shed, although it was supposed to be an easy one and it took 5 hours, with the help of Rosie!!!
Anyhow, I hope everyone is ok and keeping going
Love to all, and I'll be thinking of you on Friday Anw's Mum
xxxx

cornish_lady

Hi Stormybay

Coincidentally, I went to the Drs this week about my Thyroid test results and although they were fine, she told me off (nicely) about not getting tested regularly the last couple of years and I told her why (not my regular Dr, so she didn't know) and burst into floods of tears. She has referred me to a grief counsellor and suggested I contact the local branch of Cruse in the meantime (I think there's a bit of a wait for counsellors) I haven't done that yet as I didn't know what to expect (and I'm not good with new things/people)

Congratulations on the shed :T I've managed a couple of shelves and thought I was doing well, but not sure about a shed :eek:

AnW's mum well done with the caravan, :beer: sounds great, I've never managed to pluck up the courage to tow anything.


I will be thinking of you both on Friday.

I hope Shelanne and Smoky are both ok.

Hugs for you all and anyone else that needs them.

AnW'sMum

Hi to you both :wave: sorry I missed you out earlier cornish lady wasn't done intentionally.

I am similar to you Stormy in that I rarely cry in front of others. I think it's great that you have found someone at cruse that you can talk to and whilst I have no direct experience with them I think it's like all aspects of this grieving lark in that there is no set pattern to what how or when you should feel or do anything. Cornish I can empathise with your hesitance to speak to cruse (or anyone for that matter) as well. Perhaps it is worth giving it a go and evaluating after, you are in control and if you don't feel comfortable you can leave at any point. I personally had a couple of bad experiences with over the phone counselling (which I always thought was a non starter) and then even worse with face to face. The woman I saw face to face made assumptions about the situation which annoyed me intensely but me being me could not be that rude and get up and walk out which is what I should have done! Both experiences put me right off speaking to anyone on a professional basis again. My GP was great and said in his opinion he thought it was way too early for me anyway (less than 2 months after Ian had died) and when I was ready and if I wanted to speak to someone he would arrange something via the surgery. The main thing is to make contact with cruse when you feel ready if that is what you want to do.

Anyway I didn't mean to waffle on quite so much!

Will be thinking of you too on Friday Stormy, take care all xx

Dustykitten

Hi to all of you, just been catching up.

Stormy congratulations on your second grandson and I hope you get to spend lots of time with him.

Smokey if you pop in and read this then my heart goes out to you and your children

My Mum saw a cruse counsellor for a year after Dad died (started about 6 months after our loss). Sometimes I felt it made her worse, but she found it really valuable as she felt she could say things to the lady that she did not feel happy sharing with anybody else.

A friend also saw them briefly 7 years after her Mum died and found it helped put things to rest.

I think with all counselling it is so dependant on the personalities involved and is certainly worth a try. I had a wonderful counsellor for a while who was like a friend who I enjoyed seeing and she helped me so much. At a different time I saw one and once was enough, she made me feel awful.

Kindest wishes to you all x

rog2

Hi stormy - I just wanted to say that your thread has brought a lot of comfort to many, and would like to wish you a:

:bdaycake: Very Happy Birthday :bdaycake:

You deserve it.

Stormybay

Aw, Thank you Rog, much appreciated

Shelanne

Hello everyone, hope you are all ok and sending hugs to all.

Stormy - congratulations on your new grandson, hope you enjoy them both as much as possible. Also congratulations on the shed and thanks for sharing your comments on counselling, quite a tricky subject somehow.

Cornish lady - sending you hugs, I'm sure you will decide what's right for you.

AnW's mum - Hope you are feeling OK today, I tend to find it's the day after the "big" day which can be hard, so take care of yourself. Congratulations on the caravan!!!! I am in awe!! I really miss that kind of thing but just wouldn't have the confidence to tow by myself.

Smokey - hope you are doing ok. hugs.

Well we went away during half term, to Lake district with friends. The trip was planned when Keith was alive and although we had been there once before, it wasn't our usual May holiday haunt which actually made it a little easier. We pared it down to 3 nights and then, when it came to it, the children went on ahead with my friends on the Tuesday and I followed on the Wednesday and just stayed two nights. It was strange, but I have to say wasn't totally miserable all the time, a result, I think! I was very nervous about the driving, I probably haven't done motorway driving much in the past 15 years and then those winding steep passes while we were there! Still managed it and have showed myself what can be done (especially with a bit of careful planning).

Then Chrisiti made her First Holy Communion last Sunday, thought I would never get through it, but somehow did. But on Monday afternoon had to leave work sharpish and cried more or less none stop until Tuesday tea time, just couldn't function at all!! Have spent rest of week exhausted!

Hello to Rog and Dusty too, (and all you other lovely people!). I am so glad to have found this thread.

AnW'sMum

Hi everyone

Hope you are all well and managed to get through Father's Day unscathed.

Although I knew father's day, seen all the card displays etc, I think I had mentally blocked them out until Saturday when I realised that I needed to get one for my Dad! So we popped into Morrisons and bought him a nice bottle of Malt. For Ian William chose a lovely card and Alice decided to make one which I scanned onto here before we laminated them both. Took them down to Daddy along with a 'No 1 Dad' little champs cup thingy that we got from Tesco whilst we were in York the other week. Sorted out all his flowers and put the cup by his head. Then we 'filled' it with kisses from us all. So all in all not too bad and it was so much easier than the last couple of years. It is the first time since Ian died that I have given a card to my Dad, was too hard before.

Special hugs to Cornish Lady, Shelanne and Smokey. That first is one of the most difficult to get through, but you all have.

How are those gorgeous grandsons of yours doing Stormy, also how has Rosie gone on this footie season?

Hugs to you all xx

cornish_lady

Hi everyone

As you say AnW'sMum, it was a bit tricky, not least for our grown-up children. As our son said, Father's day seems to be everywhere you look, you can't get away from it, and it just reminds you all the time of what you've lost.

I make my own cards (it's my hobby) and was in two minds whether to make one for Father-in law, I did in the end (as I told him, Phil would have wanted it and also he's the nearest thing to a Dad I have too as I lost mine in 1977)

We had a few tears on the phone (both of us) but we got through it, another milestone conquered. He has more of those than most to work though as he lost his wife of 59 years last year too. The next for him will be 26th of this month which would have been their diamond wedding.

Hope you are all ok and managing to get by.