Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

sarymclary

Butterfingers wrote: »

Hi. Thanks for your replies. Must get this sorted somehow tomorrow - it's just that by not doing it, I can pretend that nothing's happened! If only!!! Just wiping up all the tears from the keyboard! How I hate this life now!!! How you have all kept going I do not know but I suppose it's having younger children that helps. Mine are late teens and early twenties and can look after themselves. They have been a wonderful help but what I wouldn't give to have my lovely husband back. How I miss him. Other people just aren't the same are they and they all go back to their normal lives whilst we struggle on.

Butterfingers can totally relate to how you're feeling. I think for over a year or more I tried to convince myself that my husband was 'away' on business. It was easier to pretend he was going to come back sometime, rather than never. It was a coping mechanism. One of my children's bank accounts is still in both his and his dad's name, although I did tell the bank, it's not been changed, and somehow, that's been quite comforting. My water bill was in his name for more than 4 years after his death too.

You're right that having younger children helps to keep us occupied, and forces us to keep going, when really we'd like to crawl into a ball and have a few days off to just bawl our eyes out, or simply stay in bed while the rest of the world carries on, because quite frankly our world has ground to a halt... but, the evenings are incredibly long, when you have young children, and then you're tied to the house. No evening walks to be had, or opportunity to go to a friend's house when you're at a low ebb, and there's no point in an early night, because you won't sleep anyway. The fact that you bump into people when you usually have the children with you, and you're keeping a brave face on for their sakes, makes them think you're coping much better than you really are, so they just let you get on with it.

There's no easy way to do this, but there is your way, and that's all you can do. If you feel in need of company then take up any offers you've had to go to friends or family. Family are often the best people to have times to reminisce, but I also have a couple of good friends who let me just drone on and on, until I felt a bit better. If you think you're really not coping, and need more support then contact Cruse, who are brilliant.

If you read this thread from the beginning, you'll see that there has been a lot of support along the way for plenty of us here, so if you just want to vent, or are having a good or bad day, then we'll be here for you. Take care, and just take each day at a time. For each good day, I had more bad to begin with, but whilst it doesn't necessarily get easier, it becomes a new 'normal' way of being, and somehow you learn to exist in that.

Stormybay

Hello there Butterfingers, Oh, I'm so, so sorry that you have lost your husband so suddenly, and that you have had to post on this thread. I really do feel for you in every way, and we all understand how you are feeling. The fact is, that we have all coped in many types of ways, and the ways are all very different, there is no right or wrong way.
I can see this, as you have asked about car insurance (www.confused.com - can I put this on here???), and I'm sure, some time in the future, you will ask about more emotive stuff. It's really good that you are being practical, but don't be suprised if you burst into tears whilst doing the most mundane of tasks and laugh out loud at something particularly sad!!! It's all 'normal' in our strange circumstances.
The help and support I've had of the people here over the past 2 and a half years, has helped me come through the darkest period of my life, and I found it much easier to share my grief anonymously rather than with my peers, work collegues, children or friends. (Thank you all again from my heart from 22nd Dec 06 till now and the future )
Butterfingers, please come on here at any time and we will always listen, and help if we can. Sharing our experiences is comforting, in a sad way!
I'm sorry I'm late replying, I've been on holiday with Rosie and my step daughter, and we had a great time. We talked about John a lot, and we were in his favourite place in the workd too, so it was great.
Butterfingers, my children were in their late teens and twenties too, although our youngest was 11 when her dad died. I couldn't talk to them for about 2 years, about how I was feeling, in case I upset them, and they couldn't talk to me either, in case they upset me!!!
Eventually, I went for a couple of counselling sessions, after 2 years. I went when I thought I was going to 'burst' (if that maked sense to anyone!!), but although it didn't solve my problems, it helped me to be more open with my children, and subsequently, made them be more open with me, so I'm glad I went.
Please look after yourself Butterfingers, and come and rant, cry, shout, laugh, on here with us at any time, we will be here.......
AnW's Mum and Sary, school hols here too, so the juggling begins for me and my work!!!!!!
Will try to conjour up some sun for a few weeks, it's raining here, and after 51 degrees in Turkey last week, It's a bit of a culture shock!!

OH by the way, I'm a grandmother again, my eldest daughter had a little girl 3 weeks ago, baby Leah after an awful labour and an emergency C Section....I was with her, I think I was more traumatised that DD1............She is a diamond, they both are. JOhn would have doted on his first Granddaughter after 4 grandsons..............................

Shelanne

Hello Butterfingers, I have not posted here in a while but still read to see how my old friends are getting on. But I couldn't just "Lurk" and not acknowledge your pain and how hard things are at the moment in those early days.

All the ladies on this thread are very encouraging and really helped to keep me going in those dark days, as you say no matter how good they are friends are just not the same as having your love close by.

If it feels right, it is right, just get through each day and night any way you can and believe that it does get a little easier with time.

Hugs to you and your family.

Hi AnW's mum, Stormy and Sary. You are all such strong ladies and inspirational to us all.

Butterfingers

Hi. Just wanted to say thanks to you all for your kind words. Unfortunately I am having to use my son's laptop at the moment which isn't easy, as he seems to spend all his time on it, so I can't reply straight away but many thanks to you all. It's so much easier to talk to people who actually understand. I find the loneliness the worst - although my sons are very good, they aren't my husband and how I miss being cuddled by him. How do you ever come to terms with the fact that they will never be there again to kiss. hold and touch? Why do these things have to happen?
I am on my own tonight and I hate it!! My oldest son is staying with his girlfriend and my younger son is staying with his friends, although he did say he would stay in with me but that's not fair to him - he needs his life back as well and he is so good with me, as soon as he hears me crying, he's there like a shot to comfort me, bless him!!
Anyway, moan over now! I got the car insurance sorted out - with our original insurance company who were very good and have given me my husband's no-claims, so that's that done.
Congratulations Stormy on the birth of your new grand-daughter!!
Love to you all and thanks!

mandymoo

Hello, I`ve not posted on here for a long while but you have all been in my thoughts and I have popped in from time to time to see if you are all ok, we all had a special bond 3 and a half years ago, so it is with the greatest of sadness that my wonderful husband suddenly passed away in his sleep on saturday the 1st of august aged 48, they have told me it was natural causes, but I can`t see that it is natural to go to bed fine and not wake up, I am just numb and in disbelieve, I will re read the early days of Stormybay and I`m sure I to, will find some comfort. God Bless you all

Mandymoo xxx

Dustykitten

Oh Mandymoo and Butterfingers I am so dreadfully sorry to hear of your sad news. I have no words to ease your sadness but want you to know that I am thinking of you both in the coming days and weeks, much love Dusty xx

sarymclary

Mandymoo I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. What a dreadful shock for you and the family.

You have been such a wonderful support on this thread over the years, so if you feel any of us can help you in any way now, then please just ask. You know we will do whatever we can.

I think it might well be a good idea to have a look over the early part of the thread, as it highlights the raw feelings of Stormy's early bereavement, and how everyone else could relate to that.

PM me any time you feel the need, if you'd rather not put your thoughts on here.

Thinking of you, and sending you a huge (((hug))) tonight xxxxxx

Stormybay

Oh Mandymoo,
I am so very, very sorry to hear of your loss, what a cruel thing to happen, I can understand your rawness, and I can only send you my love, hugs and thoughts at this dreadful time, as I do you, Butterfingers. Mandy moo, you have been a fantastic person to be on this thread all over the past couple of years, and I only hope you can find some source of comfort here, with all of us.
We are here for you, PM anytime..............
Hugs to you all, and I'm thinking of you
Stormy
xxxxxx

Different_Corner

Mandymoo
Be kind to yourself.
Vent here all you like.
Your words to Stormy comforted me earlier in the thread.
Wishing you a peaceful day.

mandymoo

Hello everyone, thank you for your thoughts.
My husbands funeral was this week, it was a beautiful service and I could`nt have wished for it to have been better. Our three children and I wanted it to be perfect and it was ( except for my mil who stole a basket of my husbands flowers in front of everyone) we haven`t spoken for many years, they can do what they like to me but I thought they would have more respect for their son. i know whatever I say or do my husband is with me all the way. I am just so numb, I`m funtioning but don`t know why if that makes sense, I think I have informed all that I have to, we were due to fly out to orlando last friday so we have holiday stuff, tickets, new clothes etc and I am so sad that he was denied his 2 wks holiday after working all yr, and it was going to be the first time that we were going to sit next to each other on the plane as the two eldest didn`t want to go this year and we were so excited about that. I just can`t get my head around that he is not here we were together 25yrs and I can honestly say everyday was a good day, and if that was all we were to have then they were the best.
love and hugs
mandymoo xxx