Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Stormybay

hello everyone,
Just a note to say that I picked up the death certificate today, which was awful really as I had to pass the place where I stopped the car to call the ambulance. Later on the vicar came around later on in the afternoon and he wwas absolutely lovely. Hubby was not religious at all, the vicar understood this and was totally lovely. He offered so much comfort and support to me and I know he will be lovely on friday.
I went to order flowers, lovely ones, the children chose their own and have written on the cards very beautiful words which were very hard to read, but comforting too.
Still feeling numb, have made up an album of photo's, but suddenly can't look at it.
Well, we've made it through another day, although it just seems like an existance rather than a life.
Thank you for your kind words everyone.............tonight I may sleep!
Stormy

sarymclary

Hello Stormy,
It's hard to see it written in black and white isn't it? I still can't bear to have a gravestone put up yet - I saw a mock up of one to be prepared, and couldn't face it, so will still have to do it in my own time.
I'm so glad your vicar is lovely. Mine was too, and was great with the children. Make sure a friend or relative collects all the lovely cards on the day for you - my sister did this for me, without me even asking, and I put them away to read at a later date.
I like you left pictures and letters to be buried with my DH, and the children did too. It's just a little bit of comfort.
You're doing so well, and I can't tell you how proud he would be of you to see how you're getting through each day right now. It's all a bit dreamlike still right now, I'm sure, but I hope you get a bit of rest tonight.
Thoughts with you as always,
Sarah

Ruby_Pudding

(((Stormybay)))

Try and get some sleep my love.

crutches

hugs stormybay.
I have children in that age range too and a large family.
may you all bring some comfort to each other.

xxx

smokybabe

Stormbay, I just wanted to say that your are still in my prayers and thoughts through this difficult time. I am sending you some virtual hugs...........





Smoky xxxxxxxx

miggy

How are you today, Stormy?
{hugs}

twink

lots of love and hugs from me too, hope you managed to get a sleep xx

victory

Stormy, huge hugs, can I just add one thing?
Involve the children in the arrangements, what is happening, what will happen, in amongst their own personal grief if they do not get told what is happening along the way they make up their own 'versions' and it just compounds the grief.
My father died when I was 15 and my mum collapsed with grief...
I was the only child still at home and really did not know what, when, how, where nothing, that is a lot to bear as well as the loss.
Keep talking to them.... xxxx

MSE_Martin

Dear Stormybay

May I add my condolences to all the others, and say I wish you a New Year as happy as is possible.

I have been very moved reading through the thread, and I'm sure the collective thoughts, cares and wishes of all must have been of some comfort. I'd like to thank all MoneySavers who contributed.

Also it made me think. A checklist of what to do when a spouse/partner dies is a glaring omission on the site and I want to change that. I plan to start a collective checklist and turn it into an article, if you have no objections I'd like to explain that it was this thread that gave me the idea; as I think its important for people to see the need. However if you feel even a touch uncomfortable with that let me know (do it by PM then no one else has to see) and its no problem - it can still work well otherwise.

Sending you my thoughts

Martin

Ruby_Pudding

That's a lovely positive thing to do Martin and you're right, it is something that would be of great help.

When my mum was rushed to hospital a few months ago I was left to look after her house/affairs and literally didn't know where to start - even though she was my mum I didn't know her financial status, where she kept her papers etc but I also struggled with other things too like what brand of cat food she used, what day the binmen came, how to work the heating etc etc. It made me think about what my husband/family would do if something were to happen to me and I've started to compile a little household manual of this basic facts (what bills are paid to who and when, emergency numbers for plumbers etc, who to contact first if the worst were to happen). Luckily my mum pulled through but I would have been completely and utterly lost if she'd have died as I have no experience really of arranging that kind of thing. MSE would have been the first place I would have turned so if a specific factsheet could be set up that would be a great support I think.

Stormybay - sending positive thoughts to you again today