Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Fritha_2

Stormybay,

I've just read this thread and believe me if I could reach through the computer to give you a hug better I really would do!

Keep posting here, I would imagine it helps that there are people who have never met you who are concerned and care about you.

I really don't know what else to say other than to offer my deepest sympathy and to say that I will think about you and I'll keep coming back to this thread to try to give you a little support.

Seaxwyn

HI Stormybay

I feel so sorry for your loss and want to send lots of love and best wishes.

On the question of funerals, my impression is that funeral directors can exploit people at a low moment by charging for 'services' you can easily do yourself. I had a stillborn baby son some years ago and organised everything myself, including booking the grave (which took one phone call). I believe cremation is even cheaper than burial but in our case we wanted to go for a woodland burial. The people at the cemetery were really nice.

Obviously it's easier to transport a baby than an adult, so we could do this ourself, but really that's all they have to do so don't pay thousands.

I contacted the Natural Death Centre who gave me lots of helpful advice on how to organise a cheap and environmentally sustainable funeral. They are at http://www.ac026.dial.pipex.com/naturaldeath/

It may be that you'd rather not have the hassle over arrangments, but it meant a lot to me at the time to make the arrangements myself rather than handing it over to some impersonal company.

Best wishes whatever you decide.

Seaxwyn

sarymclary

Hello Stormybay,
I organised my husband's funeral and it cost me just under £1500. I didn't book any cars as we were only a short walk from the church, and my husband is buried in the village churchyard, but this is where costs go up. As it was, since I wasn't actually in much of a fit state to do the short walk (ever the optimist) one of my sisters took me, and my children were accommodated in other family member's cars, which actually worked out well as all of us were then 'looked after'.

I enquired with the funeral directors about costs, and they do have a comprehensive breakdown of costs, which, if you are having to be careful with finances, you really should ask about. The burial plot in our village, for example, was £350 cheaper than if he was buried in the nearest town's cemetary. I chose a very plain, more than functional coffin, no fancy stuff inside (my hubby would have been livid if I'd have agreed to that).

My main other costs were in having his body transported approx. 100 miles from the place he had died, to here.

If your husband has made Tax/NI contributions (not sure which qualify you) for at minimum period during their life (it's quite a small amount, like a 6-12 months) you will qualify for a lump sum towards funeral costs. It is £2000, and this is what I used to pay the bill with. You should also fill out forms to make a claim for Bereavement Benefit. Your local Job Centre will be able to give you a direct number to the local office that deals with this (usually the Job Centre wouldn't), in my case it was in Boston, but you don't have to go there in person. The forms are sent out, and you have to provide copies of documentation like the death certificate, your marriage certificate, etc. in order to process the claim. I didn't want to send all these important documents off, so I took them to my local Job Centre, where an employee there photocopied everything, and signed them off as having had sight of the original for me, and then it all went off the Boston office.

I am hoping you had a will, but even though my husband did have one, he hadn't left enough money to have the appointed solicitors to deal with his affairs. As next of kin, I had the responsibility for that. I was fortunate that the banks wrote off his debts, but there wasn't much chance of there being any cash to clear anything anyway. An application for Probate is really only justifiable if there are larger funds to deal with, which I didn't have to do, but I found out the info about it on the internet just in case. It looked like a bit of faffing around to be honest, but necessary to get it granted if there are any substantial assets to be dealt with.

As a last point, and I'm sorry it's been another long post to you, contact any previous employers he's EVER had. I was fortunate that I came across a piece of paper in the loft a few months after his death that mentioned a company pension fund. More months later I was contacted by a company I'd never heard of who had somehow via the 'system' discovered my husband's death, and sent me a one-off payment of £260 for some work he'd once done. I now receive a not very large pension payment from the company I contacted, and my children each receive a small monthly amount (£18 p/m each), which I believe they're eligible to until they leave school.

If I think of anything else I'll be in touch.

Take care
Sarah

Mrs_Sparkle

Stormybay I've only just read this thread and wanted to add my condolences and hugs. I wish you a peaceful 2007.

Stormybay

Hello everyone, and thank you for all the advice you've sent me and good wishes. This thread is almost like a life line to me at the moment, I have taken on the advice and will act upon it as soon as I can.
The funeral is all booked and I didn't think to ask the price, I was too consumed with saddness at the time, but I know they do a pay scheme as I looked up the company on line.
Seaxwyn, i'm sorry for the loss of your baby, loosing a child must be even worse than what I am going through, my children have been my rock over the past week, I can't imagine what I would do without them, I doubt I would be here now to be honest, everything seems so pointless, and would be even more pointless if I didn't have them.
Well, I've made it through all the Big Ben chimes on the TV and the fireworks outside the front door, revellers are quiet at the moment and I have my darling grandson (16 months) fast asleep upstairs. I've just been up and told him all about his grandad while he lay there oblivious to all the heartache around him. He, and my children are my future now, everyday I will tell them I love them...............God, rambling again.

As of the practical side, hubby was self employed and has no pension, death inwork benefits or anything like that, in fact he lived mostly in the red! His bank account is about £500 overdrawn, not sure what to do about that. I've not been into his bank yet as I don't have the death certificate. (Picking it up on Tuesday from Warrington). Will I have to pay this?
He also did some part time teaching, 2 evenings a week at the local college, teaching joinery. They are not open again until the 9th, so I will have to inform them then.
There are no insurance policies, I was/am the main earner in the household, John worked p/t since I went back full time about 6 years ago. He was a stay at home Dad to our youngest daughter, she so misses him, they were joined at the hip, she is worrying who will support her at football, he and his first love, and who will pick her up from school, do the shopping etc.
Oh why is it so hard, so many things to think of and my brain is like mush. I don't know how I will survive next friday, I'd rather just let everyone else go to the funeral and I stay at home and be alone with my thoughts of my soul mate.
Sorry to go on, once again, thanks for listening to my ramblings..
Stormy

freebird65

Oh Stormybay.......I've only just read this thread and it's just reduced me to tears. I'm so very, very sorry for your sad loss.

There's nothing I can do to say or help, but my thoughts are with you and I just want to add that PLEASE keep posting as there are so many knowledgeable people on here that can help with whatever problem or query you have.

I wish you the strength to get through the coming weeks and health and peace for 2007!

x

Morglin

"As of the practical side, hubby was self employed and has no pension, death inwork benefits or anything like that, in fact he lived mostly in the red! His bank account is about £500 overdrawn, not sure what to do about that. I've not been into his bank yet as I don't have the death certificate. (Picking it up on Tuesday from Warrington). Will I have to pay this?
He also did some part time teaching, 2 evenings a week at the local college, teaching joinery. They are not open again until the 9th, so I will have to inform them then.
There are no insurance policies, I was/am the main earner in the household, John worked p/t since I went back full time about 6 years ago."



On the practical side, if he paid NI contributions, then you should be entitled to the £2000, and maybe the Bereavement Allowance (as you still have dependent children). The Registrar will give you a "special" death certificate as well as the normal one (sorry, I can't remember the name of it - used to be something like BF800, but that's probably changed) - this is the verification needed for the DWP so that they can process any benefits you may be entitled to. When the offices open, ask for the Widows pack, fill them in and then send them back with the "special" death certificate. You will also need to send them your original marriage certificate (not a photocopy).

If, for any reason, you are not entitled to the £2000, then you can apply for a Funeral Grant.

When registering a death, they used to give you one for nothing (and the special one), but if you wanted further copies, then they were charged.

I believe, and others would be better to answer this, that if his bank account was in his name, then you are not responsible for the debt (nor any other debt in his name alone).

Take care - and if you need extra help, then the CAB are very good at knowing what you should be doing next.

Lin

BrokeBrunette

Stormybay, I've only just read this thread. I don't think any words will ease your terrible loss but I'm so sorry you and your children are having to deal with such a tragedy. I lost my mum a few weeks ago and the pain of losing someone you love is indescribable. It sounds as though your lovely children and grandchild will be your lifeline, as my girls are to me.

I will be thinking of you, and judging by all the lovely messages on this thread so will many other people. Please keep letting us know how you are. xx

Dustykitten

Hi Stormy just popped back in to let you know I am still thinking about you and your family and hoping that you are coping in the best way that you can. Sending you love DK

bellsbells

Someone else just popping in again to send you hugs and to let you know you are still in my thoughts. :A

bellsbells