Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Dustykitten

Good Morning Stormy and I so hope you got a little sleep. I am sure that right now you are filled with dread about tomorrow. I know for lots of people the day before the funeral is somehow worse than the day itself. You just do not know what to do with yourself and time can pass so slowly. Tomorrow will seem unreal at times, like you are observing and at other times too real to bear. I remember Mum going to Dad's funeral without a coat in January because she said she wanted to be cold so that she did not feel anything. I remained totally dry eyed thoughout the day (only person there who did) but I could not cry, but strangely am now as I remember it all. You will get through it and you know that we will all be thinking of you. DK xx

miggy

Stormybay wrote:

Nearly forgot to ask, what happens when there is no will and no estate to speak of?

I'm not an expert - I expect you need to check with a solicitor - but I understand you should apply for letters of administration. If there had been a Will, this would have been done through the local Probate Registry, so they might be the ones to ask to whom you apply.
I googled for 'where to apply for letters of administration' and found there is quite a lot of information such as this: http://www.clsdirect.org.uk/legalhelp/leaflet10.jsp?section=8&lang=en
Hopefully someone here will know exactly who to speak to and where to start.

Fritha_2

Stormybay, no real practical advice to offer I'm afraid but just wanted to express my support again, ahead of tomorrow and as Miggy said do some metal hand holding.

It really can't be easy for you, in fact the very opposite, but it sounds to me like you're doing very well. I know you feel like you're just existing from day to day just waiting to feel better but that's completely normal, take each day as it comes each hour if you have to. I know it's trite but time really does heal all wounds, just keep going, keep posting, cling on to anything positive you can (your Grandson for example, he sounds gorgeous) and if you need to be in a big mess, today, tomorrow or any other day don't worry, other people will cope if you're not the strong one for a bit.


I really do recommend Cruise Bereavement http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ someone has already mentioned them, their counselling service will really help you.

Thinking of you

Fritha

Stormybay

Thank you everyone, the funeral is at 1pm tomorrow, absolutly can't bear the thought of it.
Just been on to the council tax people, but not entitled to any rebate as 2 of my children at home are over 18.
Phoned the tax credit people, even though I have a claim with them, I don't receive any money, due to past overpayments etc, anyhow, they've cancelled the joint claim, actually, they were quite sympathetic and nice. The council tax people were pretty abrupt!!
Just got to fill the DSS form now, I'm not entitled to any help for the funeral as there were shortfalls, apparently, in the NI contributions from hubby from years ago.
I've had a quote off the funeral directors for just under £3000, flowers were £200 and that doesn't include a headstone. My head is in a whirl. Looks like I need a 0% credit card for a short while, I don't have to pay the funeral directors for a month, so that should give me some time. I have a holiday booked for next July, I do have insurance, so I can cancel this, although the children still want to go, so maybe I'll just do a name change or something. I can't imagine looking forward to a holiday without John ever again, but I think I read somewhere that you shouldn't make any major decisions for a while, so I'm not!
Not so weepy today, more of a fighting mood to try to keep my mind off tomorrow.
Thanks once again
Stormy

rog2

Stormy - I have been following your posts - I haven't posted before as I don't really have anything to say that hasn't already been said.
I do hope that tomorrow goes well, and please accept my sincere condolences.

twink

you are right not to make any major decisions just now stormy, take one day at a time, i lost my dh in the august and had a holiday with the family in the october and it was a bitter, sweet time but glad i went, might be a good i idea to see citizens advice to keep you right to what you are entitled to, lots of hugs to you x

taxi73

Hi Stormy sending you big hugs and prayers for you and your family.I really don't know what to write ..called in to check how you are?it's all been said in the other posts..my thoughts are with you for this tough time and I really wish I could give you a hug and be there for you
That's also a good idea of Martins as I'm sure most of us wouldn't know what to do in these times

LJD1_2

Sorry I don't have any advice to give but wanted to send hugs again. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
Much love xx

Dumyat

will be thinking of you and your family tomorrow lunchtime. x

PigginSkint

:grouphug: I’ve only just read this thread. Stormybay I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Everyone grieves in their own way and in my experience it is different for each bereavement depending on the circumstances.

I lost my mum when I was 15 and I didn’t cry properly for about 3 months. I think the reason was that I couldn’t quite believe it. It wasn’t as sudden as your husband’s death but it was quite sudden as cancer deaths go – she was only ill for 2 ½ weeks and we only found out the day before she died what she had and that she was going to die.

I couldn’t cope with being stuck at home – I needed to keep active - so the only day I had off school was for the funeral. I also went for lots of long walks.

I find funerals help – in my mum’s case the church was absolutely packed and it was comforting to know how much she was loved.

Sorry if I’m rambling! My thoughts and prayers are with you.:grouphug: