Stormybay's Thread a bit of comfort in a hard world

Stormybay

Thank you nearlyrich and everyone, clicking the thanks button doesn't seem nearly enough to say thanks for the support. As I said, today is difficult, and even though I'm now in bed, sleep seems many moons away. The problem I'm feeling is that all I'm doing all day is waiting to go to bed to sleep as that seems the only respite I have. It seems to me that there doesn't seem to be a point to the daytime anymore. I am, in mormal circumstances, a rational person and know that time and tide stop for no man, and the future is for the children, but it all seems so pointless. I have always been a busy person and really enjoy my work, it pays well and I manage a great team, but I wonder..why bother. I worked hard to build our future together and now don't seem to have a future.
Sarah, how did you cope with this, assuming you felt the same? How do you find your point to carry on?
I miss him so much and as I look around me John's stuff is eveywhere and I can't imagine for a minute, it not being here any more.
Our plans for 2007 where to finally move to a bigger house, then, eventually, downsize again when we retired and use any profit for our retirement. Now all I can see is me never moving because, as John was a joiner, everything in this house was made/built/modified by him and I couldn't bear to leave it behind and someone else rip it all out. On the other hand, I feel that he would have wanted me to continue with our plans..........
I know, I know I'm rambling again, but it feels so good to let it out to people who are not so emotionally involved, and unable to see my tears and hear my sobs................
thank you for reading and sending great hugs, advice and kind thoughts.
Stormy

mizmir

(((Stormybay))) I have just seen this thread and am in tears for you and your children, as well as Sarah and all the others here who have lost someone so central far too soon. I will be thinking of you and your children as Friday approaches. Take everything one step at a time and look after each other. Lots of love.

Stormybay

Nearly forgot to ask, what happens when there is no will and no estate to speak of?
The house we live in is in my name only, he has a car in his name, what do I do about that? Is it insured at the moment as it's on the road outside. It is taxed.
I don't think there is any need for probate or a solicitor as there is no money although, John ran the local philatelic society and went around the country with his stamp/postcard stall, so I guess his stamps are worth a little bit, maybe up to £5000. Other than that, just his joinery tools and personal stuff. Will the government or whoever be expecting me to do anything?
I know when my Dad died, only a few months ago (God, when will it end), he had left a will at his solicitors and this was all dealt with by them (although it cost an absolute fortune!), so I didn't really have to do anything really. My father had all his papers in order at his home and had told my brother and me where everything was, so there was no problem.
John had no savings or insurances, he lived for the day and didn't worry too much about the future, so I'm not sure if I have to inform anybody of anything!
Thanks
Stormy

Stormybay

Twink, you are so right, I think that the reason I'm dreading after Friday, is that I supposes people just sort of drift away and expect you to get on. I think that this is the time I will probably fall apart. The older ones will be back in work and the younger back at school..........what will I do? i have no idea.
By the way, I ordered 4 death ccertificates. ( I hate that 'D' word)
Stormy

JAMIEDODGER

hi stormy,

just wanted to send you some more virtual hugs, im glad that posting on here is helping in a small way somehow, i keep thinking about you and hoping you and the children are ok, i wish i had something constructive to offer you, but just wanted to let you know that i was sending thoughts and prayers your way,

jamie xx

Stormybay

Victory, I'm so sorry you lost your Dad at such a young age, I do fear for our 16 year old, it's hard enough being a teenager in these times, never mind losing your Dad.
I have involved all the children with everything I can, and offered them to be involved if they want to.
I have a step daughter in her 30's and reminded her today about ordering flowers, i'm worried about her as she said that she couldn't do that as it means that it's true!!! She loved him so much and they were extremely close, she will be in bits on friday, but the whole time I have kept her informed of everything and she has been supportive, but, as yet, unable to accept the situation.
God it's all so sad, I want to scream and let someone else do everything, but there just isn't anyone..................
The checklist suggested by Martin seems to be a fantastic idea as it's so hard to be practical at such an emotional time.

Dumyat

stormybay - just popped in to see how you were doing. I hope you are gaining some strength from all the good thoughts here. As I said before I wish there was something we could do to help.
I worried about the funeral of my father but on the day it was so nice to have the love and support of everyone that it wasnt as bad as I dreaded. What was harder was the days that followed when it felt like my world had ended and everyone else went back to their lives and carried on.

Martin - great idea about what to do when someone dies. there have been a few other threads recently about funeral grants from DSS, and green funerals, so there is definitely a need.

jet77

Just wanted to show my support to all those having to deal with hard times at the moment. Luv Jxxx

twink

stormy i know how well you feel and i just want to let you know, no matter how you feel, no matter how scared you are you are going to make it, you really will, hang on to that thought, you will get through it, yes it will be tough, i thought i would never get through it and get used to being on my own in the house, my family are away from home now, even now i get lonely but i cope, i just kept myself very busy and i had to take driving lessons too, got a part time job, accept help from anyone who offers, i found our lady minister very good, as regards the car, i just transferred everything to my name and had to reinsure when the time came even though i couldnt drive, for myself i know my dh is always with me, too many things have happened for me not too feel that but that is just how i feel, yes be strong for your children but dont be frightened to have a group hug and a good cry together
hope i havnt rambled, take care xx

miggy

Stormy, there is a book called 'What to do when someone dies', from the Consumers' Association (i.e. a 'Which' Guide). It's available on Amazon for £7.25 new, or less secondhand. This is the current edition (Sept. 2006):
http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Someone-Dies-Essential/dp/1844900282/sr=8-1/qid=1167903564/ref=pd_ka_1/202-2078126-7360658?ie=UTF8&s=books
(Sorry that's so long, I can't do hyperlinks on here.)
It's worth checking in your library as it's often something they have in stock.
Would you let us know what time the funeral is on Friday? I am sure a lot of us would like to be with you in thought/prayer. (Mentally holding your hand even if we can't be with you.)
And please do go on posting after - we know it will be a long journey and you may want to have somewhere to come to talk.
{hugs}