Ex has disappeared off the face off the earth.....what do I tell the kids? UPDATED !!

DUTR

red_devil wrote: »

anyway who does not want to see their children dosent have very good character qualities in my opinion? How would they like it if their father hadnt bothered with them?

Thankfully the world does not revolve around getting the approval of MSE'rs

CH27 wrote: »

So why do you choose not to have a relationship with your child?

because I pay my contribution and have my own life (added just to wind some up) .

But drifting back to the topic, do any of you really think that many or any of the suggestions levied will work for the OP? After all it is up to all parties involved for it to work out for the best.

CH27

DUTR wrote: »

Thankfully the world does not revolve around getting the approval of MSE'rs



because I pay my contribution and have my own life (added just to wind some up) .

But drifting back to the topic, do any of you really think that many or any of the suggestions levied will work for the OP? After all it is up to all parties involved for it to work out for the best.

Nice sidestep.

I admire the OP for trying to maintain such an important relationship for her children but I don't think anything will work.


I really, really cannot get my head round why people choose not to have contact with their children.

red_devil

CH27 wrote: »

Nice sidestep.

I admire the OP for trying to maintain such an important relationship for her children but I don't think anything will work.


I really, really cannot get my head round why people choose not to have contact with their children.

because they are selfish and cant make the commitment. They are missing out on being possible grandparents as well.

DUTR

CH27 wrote: »

Nice sidestep.

I admire the OP for trying to maintain such an important relationship for her children but I don't think anything will work.


I really, really cannot get my head round why people choose not to have contact with their children.

Not a sidestep as such, whatever reasons somebody gives would still not be acceptable to outsiders, I too applaud the OPs attempts, and admire the succesful ones who are able to ensure the offspring maintain a valuable relationship with both parents.
I don't think anybody could justify to you or any others here why they choose not to, but they do and are only answerable to themselves

red_devil wrote: »

because they are selfish and cant make the commitment. They are missing out on being possible grandparents as well.

How can they miss out on being grandparents? they maybe absent grandparents but still grandparents all the same.

red_devil

DUTR wrote: »

Not a sidestep as such, whatever reasons somebody gives would still not be acceptable to outsiders, I too applaud the OPs attempts, and admire the succesful ones who are able to ensure the offspring maintain a valuable relationship with both parents.
I don't think anybody could justify to you or any others here why they choose not to, but they do and are only answerable to themselves



How can they miss out on being grandparents? they maybe absent grandparents but still grandparents all the same.

what i meant is if you dont see your children you miss out on them growing up and seeing any children they have grow up too?

DUTR

red_devil wrote: »

what i meant is if you dont see your children you miss out on them growing up and seeing any children they have grow up too?

You keep mentioning this 'missing out' , if people really felt they were missing out then they would be making every effort to see their offspring, not every kind of 'punishment' is going to be effective.
It's the offspring missing out, I wonder how many felt inferior to their school chums on 19th June just gone? Or do you suggest that they paint a smile on and pretend they could not careless, which incidently gives better cause for the none resident to be absent.

red_devil

ok both parties are missing out. The child didnt ask to be born so i think its irresponsible for a parent not to see their child. I dont personally understand how a parent could not interested.

As said before i dont think it shows a very good personality trait. If I met someone and they had children they couldnt be bothered with I would find that very unattractive ok. Enough said for me on this one.

DUTR

red_devil wrote: »

ok both parties are missing out. The child didnt ask to be born so i think its irresponsible for a parent not to see their child. I dont personally understand how a parent could not interested.

As said before i dont think it shows a very good personality trait. If I met someone and they had children they couldnt be bothered with I would find that very unattractive ok. Enough said for me on this one.

But this is where the lesson needs to be learned, they have to be just as attracted to you, whether that be physically or emotionally, there is much more to life than just family, and the bloke does not always have to do all the running after, if all is well at home then there is no need to seek aspects outside of a relationship.
We don't know why the OP's ex is reluctant to have much involvment right now, but I'm sure he has good reason to himself and can explain if he feels the need or desire. But I don't think 'bullying' is the way forward.

pigpen

CH27 wrote: »

I really, really cannot get my head round why people choose not to have contact with their children.

How about they are duped into parenthood by a partner who lied about contraception

Or one who has seven bells of the proverbial beaten out of them every time they go round to the house

Or one whose ex leaves and moves 500 miles away so they can't have contact

Because they think the children are better off without them

Plenty of reasons... and all very complex and noones business but their own!

madmonkey01

although its not nice to say, he sounds like he isn't that interested in his kids, and you are probably all better off without him.

My partner had a son by another man before we met. Who he has never met and has never even attempted to make contact with, men like that are just sperm donors.