advice needed re- benefits

Anubis_2

I must admit that the advice by Kingfisher should be taken. You have several opportunities where your kids do not have to starve - you have been asked to ring women's aid who will feed and care for you.

As you don't seem to have taken any advice and there seems some contradictions I feel that either you are not genuine OR attention seeking because, I do not know of any mother who cares for their kids like you say you do, who would choose to ring a violent partner and go back to him putting their children at risk as opposed to ringing womens aid and being placed in safety, fed, and cared for.

I say this because I was in your position, moved to a strange town, had no family
or friends as the violent sociopath I was with had seen to it that I only had him. Back then there was no internet, I had no money and knew nobody but
there was no darned way I was ever going back once I had got out. All I left with was a cot and one bag of clothes - leaving violent partners can not be planned so I know that when you talk of going back to him and plan the move by saving up that that is just not going to happen.

Violent partners also tend not to let you have money either incase you leave
them, and if I had half the advice and help you have been offered on here, then I would have been crying with joy.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but I know it does not sound right that you would prefer to use your neighbours phone to ring him rather than ringing womens aid - it does not add up at all. There are too many inconsistencies here.

I have to add that of course the above is just conjecture on my part, based on myself going through similar and the inconsistencies. I sincerely hope that I am wrong, and if your case is genuine then you take the advice given about the women's refuge and other resources and that you manage to sort things
out for the health of your children and yourself. I would like nothing more than to be wrong and you get the help you need. On the other hand if I am right then I also hope you get the help you need.

Oldernotwiser

sazzybum wrote: »

Thank goodness, I thought it was just me who thought I'd read this before..

Although that doesn't take away from the kindness of Kingfisher et al. Nice people :-)

No, another cynic here.

As you say, thank goodness there are such nice other people on here ( even if we aren't one of them!).

kingfisherblue

FWIW, I too feel cynical about the OP to some extent - and more so as time goes by. On the other hand, I could not in all conscience leave children hungry if the OP is genuine. I did consider very carefully before offering help - and I would never give money, as I am aware that scams are just to get cash. Food from my cupboard is a different matter, as it is practical help, and I can afford to give some food as I always have well stocked cupboards.

The reason I have well stocked cupboards is that my mum left my father back in the 1970s, brining my sister and I with her. We only had the clothes we stood up in. I can remember being hungry before we left - my parents both worked, but my father was mentally and financially cruel to my mum. I have unhappy memories of that time. Once we moved to another town, my mum had to wash our knickers and socks every night, and dry them in front of the fire, so that we could put them on clean the next morning.

I have always had well stocked cupboards as I remember the feelings of hunger. I never want my children to feel that. When my husband left me - with no money to pay the mortgage or bills - I was still able to feed my kids.

I am aware that there have been other threads about hungry children, but this is the first one that I have read from the beginning. It rings true in many ways, but there are things that make me doubt how genuine it is. I was happy to donate some food to help someone who appears to be in need, and being safety conscious, I wanted to arrange a meeting in a public place. I was not going to take money with me, so I could not have been persuaded to part with any.

As the OP was reluctant to meet and accept some food for her children, I researched some appropriate agencies in her area. I also phoned the Women's Homeless Centre (phone number posted earlier) for further advice. I pointed out that it might be a scam, but that so far the OP had not asked for any cash. I did also say, though, that the OP seemed to find an answer for everything when advice and help was offered.

Now, I don't know whether I am right or wrong in what I have done. If the OP is genuine, then I truly hope that she gets the help that she needs - enough people have posted agencies that will help. It is now up to the OP to decide whether to accept the help offered - and why come onto an internet forum asking for help if you are not going to accept it?

If the OP is not genuine and this is a scam, then the person behind it is very unpleasant and is actually making it worse for genuine victims if domestic violence - posters simply won't believe the genuine requests for help.

I can live with myself - I know that I have done my best to help somebody who appears less fortunate than me. If they choose not to accept it, whether because they are a scammer or because they are genuine and have another reason for not accepting help, then there is nothing else that I can do.

Sadly, I am feeling extremely cynical about this thread now, as the OP does not seem to want to accept the help offered by so many posters who want to help.

Thank you for all the kind words that people have said about me. I don't really deserve them, though, as I have my faults - many of them!

To all the posters who have offered help and advice to the OP, we have done our best. We can do no more.

Good luck to the OP if genuine. If this is a windup, then go and play elsewhere. We have wasted enough time and effort on you.

whitewing

I know peope who have been with control freaks who have to learn how to deal with the setbacks of day to day living. They don't initially have the skills to cope with person x saying no and person y saying to speak to someone else. It can be incredibly frustrating to see them not helping themselves to help their children. My mother is one of those people - will ask you what you think a thousand times but do nothing about it even when she has plenty of support. I don't bother seeing her any more.

kingfisher blue - I think you're great. I think everything you've done has been spot on, and I'm confident that even if the OP is not in a position to use that help, it will have benefited others tremendously, if only to reaffirm that there are plenty of kindly souls out there.

Metranil_Vavin

To be honest I just find the whole avoidance of Kingfishers offer to meet the OP with food, a bit odd.

I can understand being cautious and not wanting to give out too many personal details, but it just seems odd that someone so apparently desperate would not take up the offer of meeting in a public place to receive food parcels.

I too can't bear the thought of children going hungry, hence my offer of some baby milk. The offer is still there if the OP is genuine.

Anubis_2

I would have helped too, if I lived near, although I do have to spend 90 percent of my life in bed, but I certainly would have offered like yourself. I just know the feeling of what I went through and also know that thing's do not appear to ring exactly true.

Additionally, as you say, the answers do seem somewhat vague when asked who she had phoned.

Being in that position with a hungry baby and children, time simply is of the essence. In a way, I hope I am right in what I think because then it may mean that the children are not going hungry, and that it's been said just for attention etc - either way, the OP needs help as they obviously suffering in some form.

I really REALLY do hope that if this case is real, then there is a happy resolve for her and her children that does not involve going back into a violent relationship.

kingfisherblue

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

To be honest I just find the whole avoidance of Kingfishers offer to meet the OP with food, a bit odd.

I can understand being cautious and not wanting to give out too many personal details, but it just seems odd that someone so apparently desperate would not take up the offer of meeting in a public place to receive food parcels.

I too can't bear the thought of children going hungry, hence my offer of some baby milk. The offer is still there if the OP is genuine.

Can I just point out that Rocketman80 also offered food parcels. Because he doesn't have a car, we tried to arrange for me to deliver on his behalf. He was too far away for me to collect today, but if the OP had wanted food parcels, Rocketman and I were going to arrange for me to collect food parcels from him next week (including a freezer parcel) so that I could get them to the OP. With a food parcel today and another next week, there would have been enough food for several days.

welshmoneylover

IIRC, wasn't there a very similar thread to this sometime back. Several posters offered to send ££ or food parcels then and the oP b*ggered orf, not to be heard of again.

rocketman80

welshmoneylover wrote: »

IIRC, wasn't there a very similar thread to this sometime back. Several posters offered to send ££ or food parcels then and the oP b*ggered orf, not to be heard of again.

Evening all,

Thanks for the mention KFB
and yes there was a very similar post. It was mentioned yesterday evening.

Rocket.

Mrs_Supersaver_1

sickofeverything - I'm sorry you are still struggling, but stay strong and please do not go back to your ex.

If you/children and your 2 month old baby are hungry, please get yourselves safely to your nearest Police Station.

I have police officers in our family and it is amazing how fast they can summon Social Services etc. Please accept this advice ASAP for the sake of your children.
If you cannot go out now, please get there tomorrow.

Please come back onto the forum so that we know you are ok, and we can still give advice and support to you.

It beggars belief in this day and age here in the Uk that you find yourself in this situation, and the agencies are taking so long to respond.

I hope and pray tomorrow will be a better day for you, and that some sort of help will be available.
God Bless
xx