Please give me a hug - am having a crap time....

1_step_closer

J :A

Do not blame yourself in any way. Don't blame your "monthlies" - that is part and parcel of a woman's life these days. Above all DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING. I have been in a violent relationship myself although nowhere near as bad as some, but still rotten, and always blamed myself.

You are choosing to make life better for yourself and your children and have already made the right choices concerning money.

If "he" does end up in a prison cell over Christmas then so be it. If "he" does commit suicide then so be it. He has chosen that route himself and as has been said before, he has serious issues. You CANNOT clear those issues - it could be something deep seated from when he was a child/something happened at puberty/something triggers it off/possibly even a chemical breakdown in his brain. But YOU have to let the professionals take over and a short sharp shock may do him some good.

Look after yourself, the children and your rabbit. This may seem daft but animals help especially where children are concerned. Continue to be honest with them andeven though you are going through absolute hell at the moment, try and give yourself 5 minutes off now and then to think about something else that is good and makes you feel better.

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

dancingfairy

Just wanted to send more hugs:grouphug: and an angel to watch over you and your children (and the rabbit of course ) :A stay strong at this difficult time and look after yourself and your kids. We're all thinking of you. All the best.

southernscouser

Jpet, can't say I have any useful help but just wanted to send some more hugs your way.

From a pratical point of view, do you have any joint accounts. Bank, credit cards etc? If so call the companies up and get the accounts frozen. Don't let the !!!!!! get his hands on anything. :mad:

Also keep on at the police. If he is ringing you and being abusive report it. They can get an injunction to stop him coming near you. The police take domestic violence very seriously and the law is there to protect you and your children. Make sure you use it.

It also sounds to me like your 8 year old is scared of him if she doesn't want to go back. If you ever have thoughts of getting back with him then this should be at the front of your mind.

Remember you or your children have done nothing to deserve this. Someone people are just @ssholes and bullys. You deserve better.

Although you've had a lot of !!!!!! go on I hope you enjoy this Xmas with your kids and family. Think of it as the first one of a new happier life.

:xmassign:

Andy_Edinburgh

I agree with the advice from other users - get out of this relationship. The simple truth of being on the receiving end of domestic violence is: "If you accept one, you accept them all". Take strength from the messages of support above, and remove yourself and your children from danger.

Posh

Hi,

I hope now things have gone on for a few days you are starting to see things a bit clearer and can completely see him for the waste of space he seems to be.

The children will need all the help and support they can get from you, they will be confused and upset at the whole situation and if they are anything like me when my parents split up they will be blaming themselves for doing something wrong. You need to talk to them and be as honest as you can about the situation, without making them turn against their father. It's up to them to make their decision about him but you need to be open with them. My parents split up in 1993 when I was 12 and to this day I can't think about them and all that happened without crying and getting upset. If I was given some kind of counselling then and spoke about what had happened I think I would be a lot better off than I am now. I can't really give you anymore advice i'm afraid, other than follow your heart and do what you think is right and everything will turn out good in the end.

Best of luck with it all.

Posh
xx

jet77

I'm just a bit confused as to what to tell the children - so far I've just said that Mummy and Daddy aren't friends any more but that we both love them loads. I don't know whether I should elaborate on that any more because I don't want them to have bad feelings for their dad or think that they aren't seeing him because they have done something wrong. Obviously him telling them that they won't see him again must have done some damage but I'm not sure how to go about discussing it and what to say.

I rang my car insurance and I'm not entitled to a couresy car unless he damages mine. To hire a car for a week it will cost £125 inc Vat but + petrol but my train tickets to meet the surveyor next week will be nearly £100 so I think I might just get the hire car.

Yes, I def can see how nasty he is - and I could never get back with him because of what he's said to the kids let alone the way he's gone on with me.

Thx again to all,

Luv Jxxx

Red_Fraggle_3

From personal experience please stay strong - don't back down (I did) and now each time anything goes against him he throws a wobbler and bullies me until I back down - if only I could have been stronger earlier

Keep all texts let the police read them and ask what they suggest about the voicemails - if you need to sound off feel free to pm me

with the children - my DD said she missed her daddy when we slipt and would have had us back together - think deep down part of her still would for the good times however she will admit that we are better off away from him day 2 day - she has seen him for what he really is like

good luck

natters_2

I am in a similar situation - thankfully no physical abuse yet - but plenty of the emotional - have a look at this site http://www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp
then give them a ring - they were really lovely and gave me lots of info and a couple of other places to call for support and free legal advice - also to arrange injunctions etc

Lets hope 2007 is a new start for you and everyone else stuck in these situations

oh and if you had him on your car insurance - take him off then he will be driving without insurance as well as stealing it

Helen2325

Hi, What an awful time for you. It seems like you have to make this an extra special Xmas for the kids to help them. You have to look after yourself as well.

I would get on the phone to your insurers and make a real fuss. You pay your insurance and deserve a proper serive. Let them know that the house needs to be properly secured and that you have young children. You don't have to take no for an answer. Speak to the head of the department if need be.

Can you get a restraining order from the court? I don't think it should be a problem given what you have been through.

It is horrible for this to happen at this time of year and my thoughts are with you.

Helen

In_Search_Of_Me

What a nightamre...sounds like ou've done the right thing. Just take some time to settle over Christmas, ignore the mobile & enjoy spending time with people you love and owards & upwards! Clean slate in 2007 & its got to be better than this eh!! Huge hugs for you & the kids....