Please give me a hug - am having a crap time....

bobble_hat

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Firstly big hugs. I see from your sig how much you've already achieved with the debt busting, so you are a very strong person. You can get through this too.

jpet77 wrote:

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what to say to the children? My 3 year old told me yesterday that I shouldn't speak to Daddy because he's moody. I've told them that Mummy and Daddy aren't friends but we both still love them. They are really attached to him. Do I move back to my house in the New Year when it's fixed? What do I do if he comes round - which he will? He was telling my friend and my parents that it's because of my periods that I've finished with him and that I'm going to change my mind.

I think you are telling the children the right things, they need to hear that they are loved and that your falling out has nothing to do with them. I admire you for still telling them that although you are not getting on with their Daddy he still loves them. It is important that they don't hear you slating him, he will always be their Dad.

I hope Christmas is a time of peace for you and gives you the strength you need for the year ahead.

Bobbly x

BlueSkyDay

:grouphug: because you really need one! You're have a rough time right now - and you're right to start thinking about the future because I think the situation will get harder before it gets better. Your ex needs to be convinced that you have left him, and that will probably take time.

Sounds like you have great parents and friends who will help you through this. You haven't whinged, blamed everyone else for your problems, or seemed to feel sorry for yourself, which is pretty amazing so give yourself a pat on the back for that!! It's also a good sign that you will come through this a stronger and better person.

In the meantime, try to have the best Christmas you can have.

Blue

savememorecashmartin

Honey I'm sending you a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig tinsel-laden Christmas hug :grouphug: I'm sorry you find yourself in this terrible sitch, especially at this time of year. Don't worry about your car or phone or anything, it sounds like there are people around to look after you and there's more than a few here that may not know you personally but we care nontheless.

The kiddies will understand as long as you keep talking to them - I think they're wiser than their years and as long as they know you love them they'll be cool.

Bullies are bullies - it's just the way they are, sometimes you just have to cut and run.

Wishing you only the very best for Christmas. New Year - sounds like an opportunity for a new start.

with love and hugs.

dancingfairy

Just wanted send hugs also. It sounds terrible, but you're doing the right thing. You sound like you have fab friends and parents looking after you. Don't go back- he is using this as a tactic to make you feel bad and to get you to go back, please don't. Stay strong. Good Luck and hope the new year brings a better time.:grouphug:

Uniscots97

:grouphug:


Hugs as asked for. You can get through this. Phone the mobile company, as the police have been involved they can block his number from your phone. But I would suggest changing it. The mobile company will be happy to help out if you explain the situation.

seven-day-weekend

I have no further advice but I wish you and your family well and I think under the circumstances you have done the right thing.

Well done for not turning the children against their dad.

kathfisch

Big (((hugs))) for you, sounds like you really need them!

I have been through something similar, the suicide threats and even attempts, and all I can say is well done for staying as strong as you have. Its crucial to realise that his actions are his responsability and you cannot be blamed for anything that he does. You have chosen to leave him but he is choosing how to react - it is not your fault. Have I said that enough?!?!

Just take one day at a time and don't freak yourself out by thinking too much about the future just yet. Only you will know if and when you are ready to move back to your house or whether somewhere new is needed, big decision either way obviously. But just concentrate on Christmas and your kids (you sound like you're saying absolutely the right things to them) and everything else can wait a bit!

You've taken the first and hardest step but you're not alone, ok?!

Kath x

jet77

I can't say thank you enough to all of you for your replies.

I'm going to go back up to the house next wk to meet the insurance surveyors and will try and get a dr's appoint for the same day so that I can get myself signed off work. I would love to be able to stay the night in my own house but I think I will stay at a friends instead. Even if I am able to move home, the repairs won't be done until after I'm due back at work and I def don't want kids to see the house in the state it is now.

I've got a new charger (£15) but am only switching my phone on to make calls and am def not going to listen to the voicemails (my voicemail inbox is full and it was empty before the other night so I guess they're all lovely charming messages from him. I was going to get a new sim but they didn't have any so I might just get a cheap PAYG m/b. I obviously had some delightful text messages waiting for me when I switched the phone on but only a couple so I just deleted them.

I want my car back and don't see why I should have to get train/taxis everywhere (train up next week will be £62.50) and I also don't see why I should move my children out of their school and away from all of their friends and all of my friends because of all this.

I suppose I just need to take it one step at a time as a few of you lovely peeps have posted and just see how it goes.

My friend told me that he was still on about coming down here when he rang her yesterday - gr8......NOT.

Anyway thx again to all,

Luv Jxxx

Snow_Dog

:grouphug: Really sorry to hear what you are going through especially at this time of year (though any time isnt good).

I really wish you all the best and hope you work your way through it and that he just leaves you alone.

tkblueyonder

jpet77 wrote:

Hi,

I need a hug....

Basically I have been with the father of my children for 8 years and have been quite unhappy. I know that I'm not perfect and can be moody around certain times of the month but I know I don't deserve what's gone on at all. I have tried to end it a few times but he hasn't left me alone and I've ended up going back with him. He's threatened suicide a couple of times and 'tried' to hang himself when I've finished with him.

I'm not going to go in to the run up to the weekend coz I'd be here all night but will start on Friday last week. My friend rang me at 6 and asked if I wanted to go to another friends party. I can count the amount of times that I've been out on 1 hand in the last year and she had even lined up a babysitter for me so I said s. I went to pick up the babysitter and on the way back 'he' rang me from my house (which I've bought by myself with no help whatsoever from him). When I got back to the house we argued in front of the children. I told him that I should go out and find myself a man who treats me with some respect which he took to mean that if I went out I was going to cheat on him (never did and never would have) and told me that if I went out he would 'batter' me when I got in. He told our children that they would never see their dad again. He ripped my dress so that I couldn't wear it out. So I got changed and thought that I had to go out to prove a point even though it was the last thing that I wanted to do by this point. Anyway when I got back and passed out on the bed (v. v. drunk!) he came in (had been out looking for me I think) and dragged me by my leg in to the other room and then slapped me across the face. Our daughter was awake upstairs. He had never hurt me physically before.

The next day he stole my car. I rang my parents who live 150 miles away and they came to pick the children and I up. I went to his mums house with my dad and he gave me the car keys after my dad asked him. I went back to their house with them.

On Tuesday I went back to my home to get all the Xmas pressies and drop his dog round to him at his Mums(my friend had been looking after her). While I was there I made it perfectly clear that I did not want to be with him any more and that I would not stand in the way of his relationship with the kids.

I was going to stay at mine, wrap and deliver some pressies to friends and then head back to my parents (where I'd left the kids) yesterday morning. He rang me and I told him that I had nothing to say but he kept ringing constantly for 2 hours so I put my phone on silent. He then turned up at my house shouting to be let in - despite that he thought I was at my parents house. My Dad had changed the locks so he couldn't get in. I rang a friend who came and got me and took me to her house. He then broke my front door down and then walked to my friends house forcing my car keys out of my pocket and stealing my car again. I rang the police and was sat up with them until about 4 a.m. My poor rabbit was loose in the house and police dogs came in. He rang me and threated suicide again and took all of my antibiotics (i'm on them til feb 07), he also took my phone charger.

My front door has been botched back on and has a great big padlock on he outside. My patio door has been secured with wood as he has the key. I was too scared to even walk to the shop by myself - how pathetic is that. I have got insurance but they sent out a glazier instead of a locksmith/carpenter so I've had to leave the house as it is and come down to my parents. I had to be escorted to the house by the police to get all of the kids Xmas pressies and the rabbit and then to make the day a bit better the rabbit decided to wet himself in the back of the police car!!

Sorry this is so long but I'm a bit stressed. He still has my car. My daughters bike and scooter are in there that I got her for Xmas - but I've got all the other pressies with me.

He rang my parents house this evening to say that he has left the car on the drive with some presents he's bought for the kids in and posted the keys through the letter box but when I rang my neighbour the car wasn't there.

I'm scared to go home. I don't think he will leave me alone. I can't let the kids see the house in the state it's in but the insurance surveyors not coming out til 8th Jan. I don't want the kids to be any more damaged by this than they already have been.

Sh*t.............................

Luv Jxxx

i have a brill idea give me his adress and i will go round with 6 beefy fireman and fill him in J lol x