Please give me a hug - am having a crap time....

cheap-n-cheerful

No advice other than to say please stay strong and don't go back to that bully. The fact that you have been brave enough to leave at Xmas shows you are a strong person as I am sure a lot of people would have just tried to carry on for the sake of that 1 day a year and all been miserable for it. Your parents sound great so use them, they will want to support you and keep you safe from harm. Are the police pressing any charges for how he's behaved? Don't really know much about these things but maybe he need a wake up call. Don't let the fact that this is the first time he's been violent influence you, there are many other ways to be controlling with out physical violence. Stay safe and be strong, try and have a good Xmas with your kids and family.:xmastree:

LookingAhead

:grouphug:

As requested.....

Do all that you can, seek all the help you can to be rid of this person. For your children's sake as well as your own. They should not grow up in this environment, witnessing these abuses.

If he threatens suicide again - well, just let him threaten it. It's not your responsibility as harsh as that sounds. He will have a hold over you forever and a day if you give in to his emotional blackmail again.

You can get through this with the love & support of your family and you will come out the other side a stronger person.

God - just the most massive support going out to you right now. I hope you are rid of him very soon.

Much love.
x LA x

wilf55

keep strong and remember dont lose the fight you have in you ....thats what i did through illness keep strong and dont give up

the offer still stands and will forever good luck hunni

jet77

Thank you all for your replies - brought a tear to my eye reading them all!! - crazy how through all this I havent shed a tear but a few words of kindness and I'm off!!

I've spoken to house insurance again today and a surveyor will be sent out next wed. My friend has the keys to the padlock on my door so will let them in for me and then it should take about a week after that to get the work done.

I was thinking about going to doctors to see if I can get signed off work for a while - I'm off til 4th Jan but I don't think the house will be done by then. I am losing my hair (hence the antibiotics) - have lost about 2 stone over the last 6 months coz have lost appetite and have been having coughing fits and having to 'breathe through them to catch my breath.

I spoke to my friend who has contact with his family as her daughter is his brothers. She said that he's still going crazy. He rang her at 1 a.m. this morning. He's accusing her of giving a statement.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to what to say to the children? My 3 year old told me yesterday that I shouldn't speak to Daddy because he's moody. I've told them that Mummy and Daddy aren't friends but we both still love them. They are really attached to him. Do I move back to my house in the New Year when it's fixed? What do I do if he comes round - which he will? He was telling my friend and my parents that it's because of my periods that I've finished with him and that I'm going to change my mind.

Thank you again for all your messages - I don't know what I'd do without MSE - this website has been such a lifeline to me since I discovered it in May.

Luv Jxx

jet77

Forgot to say thanks to those who said I can PM them - I will def take you up on the offer if he starts turning up again.

He took my phone charger from the house and my Dads managed to get me a replacement one which we will pick up this afternoon. I'm a bit apprehensive of charging it though coz that means he can ring me - I'm just going to ignore phone methinks.

On the money front....

Insurance excess £200, train ticket to Bournemouth £52.50, taxi fares £????, charges for people who came out to padlock front door £??? and god knows what else - I've just been using my overdraft without thinking because I needed too - I haven't even checked where the balance is. I'm going to do that now and will post again.

Pobby

Hi and sending you a massive hug.Glad you have a lot of support.

jet77

Right - have checked all debt accounts and it's not as bad as I thought thanks to all the debt I've cleared this year through this site.

I've updated my sig to include the estimated costs of all this financially - emotionally I may need a lottery win.........

melaniec_2

why don't you get yourself a pay as you go sim and tell only the people you want to have it. that way you can stay in touch with them but he can't pester you.

Well done for leaving.

immoral_angeluk

I've been through a similar situation with an ex although at the time I didn't have a house, car or kids but I just want to say that you're not alone and we're all here to help. I would seriously look into getting an injunction against him and although you say you don't want to stop him seeing the kids.. what if he decided to take them and run away? I know it's worst case scenario but he sounds seriously unstable and in need of mental help and I would not put anything past him. Please please please don't go back to him as if he's physically hurt you once he WILL do it again (Speaking from past experience.) and if you go back to him you'll be putting both your children and yourself as serious risk. Get as far away from him as you can, even if it means selling up and moving away. You need to put as much distance between you and him as possible. He will lie and plot ways to get you back, but I think you know if your heart that it'll only get worse if you do.
*big hugs* and don't be afraid to talk to someone like a counsellor or domestic abuse helpline.

play2day

Love to you and your kids. You're doing the right thing. Stay strong.