Please give me a hug - am having a crap time....

rainbowrisin

Enormous hugs to you OP. You are doing really well. Children will be absolutely fine. You are doing completely the right thing telling them that mummy and daddy aren't friends any more but that daddy and mummy love them both very much. You'll find the right things to say to them as the situation progresses. Have been in a similar situation, and can only say that you WILL come through it.
Take it one day at a time and never, ever, ever, ever think for a minute that you are in any way to blame for your (ex) partner's conduct.
Don't let him anywhere near you under any circumstances at the moment - DV perpetrators are at their most manipulative just after "an episode". Other posters have covered the practical stuff really well, so won't re-iterate.
Enormous hugs once again. It is hard, but you are made of strong stuff (even if you feel about as strong as a used tea bag - I know I did at the time) and are doing great.

meggie-lizzie

:grouphug: Stay positive and strong! Life is not a rehearsal, live it to the full and do whatever you feel is best for you, but as others have said 'no one should put up with any type of abuse' Sending you all my very best wishes. :grouphug:

icklejulez

Just read this thread and hope that you can put this to the back of your head and enjoy christmas day knowing this is the start of something new. You can look forward to your new life which you will be much happier in! I admire you for your strength with your children, I have 2 myself I just hope you keep him away till he is emotionally stable to look after them on his own. If he's capable of death threats then he's capable of threatning you with the children. Any way it may take time but when the penny drops that you are over Im sure he too will move on and start concentrating on being a good father figure. We all have weak stages in life but we can get through them. Just think to the future though and remember everything he has broken can be fixed and when you meet that next someone special you havee all the 'wooing' stage to look forward too something that may of dissapeared from your long term relationship.

Good luck and wishing you well. Im sure your kids will grow up as strong as there mummy.

jet77

Thank you all again for the posts ... u r all gr8.....

I've been given a message from him by a friend saying that unless I talk to him I will never find my car. I thought about ringing him but there's no point unless I say what he wants to hear and that is never going to happen now.

He hasn't tried to ring/text my mobile since I've had it back on (nearly 2 days) but I'm sure it won't be long.

I just don't ever want to see him again. I'm hoping that he will calm down and accept that it's over but I know that he will come round to the house again when I move back up and I don't know how to handle that.

I've got a good job and (apart from him) good life at home and love my house. I was so proud of myself for managing to buy it on my own and don't see why I should have to leave it all behind and move miles away from everyone because of him. The children are settled at school and have a nice circle of friends as well as all their friends at their dancing and swimming lessons which they do really well in.

My family think I should press charges against him but I think that this will just put a nail in the coffin of my life at home and mean that I will never be able to live there again.

I'm just trying to focus on one day at a time at the mo.. Posting on here has helped me so much though and realising that I'm not alone has made me feel stronger (although the wet tea bag syndrome is still def. there!).

What a pickle!!

Luv Jxxx

LookingAhead

Hey hon.

It's just a car. You can report it stolen & maybe get some insurance money. don't give in to him - he is trying to blackmail you, again.

You are right though - one day at a time.

Big hug & thinking of you.

LA x

Red_Fraggle_3

sorry to say - I have never managed to press charges - he always threatens me and I chicken out - I wish I had done it -

it's a lot harder waiting for the next out burst - it will get to a stage that he will have to leave you alone as the police will have enough stuff against him any way - do your self a long term favour and be strong from the start -

all the best m x

anniestar

Just want to send you a big (((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))). Hope that you have a fantastic Christmas. You deserve it.

jenchin66

:grouphug: Sending you and your children a huge hug.

Have also been where you are, try and stay strong, it may take a while for him to see it's really over.

Wishing you a lovely Christmas with your family

Morglin

Have a good Christmas and then next year, start a new life with the children.

After 32 years of marriage (some good, some not), my husband got more needy and controlling, and finally, I walked.

He "attempted suicide" (not enough to kill himself), ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 3 weeks, and I still stayed away from him - that was his choice and he had to live with it.

It's not easy, and after all those years, I found divorce very painful - but two years on, I'm married to my soul mate and have never been happier.:j

My parents, kids and grandkids are all fine with it - they know my ex and I love them all, just not each other.

My ex wasn't a bad bloke - was never physically violent, unfaithful or anything - but, we get one life and if it's not how you want it to be, then best change it.

You're responsible for no one's happiness but your own (and to some extent, your children's.)

Being married to a control freak ends up wearing you down and they are still never happy.

Good luck - and stay strong.

donny-gal

jpet77 wrote:

My family think I should press charges against him but I think that this will just put a nail in the coffin of my life at home and mean that I will never be able to live there again.

Must disagree, I agree with your family, if you dont press charges he will never leave you alone, and you will never be able to live there again. You have to show him you mean it.

Have a nice Christmas with your family, I am sure that your parents are loving having the kids around this morning, even though they may have been up for ages already:rotfl: