Husband Punched Me For First Time

AmandaD28

I was going to write a nice supportive post but I really cannot believe my eyes !!

You cannot be serious about still going on holiday ! I think someone else asked how long you have been married ? I can't see an answer and seemingly that makes a difference in terms of divorce.

Please have a serious rethink about the holiday you may think you can read his behaviour but trust me human beings by very nature are unpredictable just when you think you have got them sorted they do something that throws you off I say this from working on a mental health ward full of unpredictable people who can and do attack our staff out of the blue.

I really hope you achieve what you want to achieve good luck

xx

Violetta_2

Please be careful Littlemadam, I don't know where you are going on holiday , but a friend of mine went on holiday with her boyfriend, to Spain, he attacked her out there (she still has a scar on her beautiful face now, years later) & she was stranded out there, for a few day's until another friend was able to send her some money & she could get to the local consulate. He'd destroyed her passport, ticket's & taken all her money & card's. Just make sure you aren't left in such a vulnerable position.

diable

Do not go on holiday as you can do that later on your own or with friends plus it won't look good.
Go to the Police
Get him removed from the property.
Divorce him and buy him out.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds like you aren't ready to go yet.

Trouble is, will it be on the 2nd punch or the 500th that you finally decide to stop making excuses? Or will it only be when you sustain brain damage?

If he starts with a punch, where does he go from here? A kick, a whipping, boiling water over your chest, knife wounds on your face? Or just a simple batter-into-an-unrecognisable-pulp-broken-nose-jaw-and-cheekbones followed by strangling?

laura183

I am in a similar situation to you and although I am in no position to offer advice, I think I can at least offer empathy.

I am in a relationship in which I am controlled by my husband in ever aspect of my life- from seeing my family and friends to spending money and how I spend my free time.

I feel completely overwhelmed at times by the unpredictable nature of my relationship and never know what mood he will be in and what I will have to put up with..

In my case, it is not yet physical although I am not confident it will remain that way. I am regularly called such vile names and all of the worst things in my life are regularly used in arguments to hurt me (dad leaving home, being bullied as a teenager)

I know my post won't offer you hope, but I wanted you to know that you are not the only one. I also know that no matter how many times people tell you to leave him, it is just not that easy and there is a reason why you got together in the first place and he is not that bad all the time....

I often fantasise about the day when I finally do leave. Whether or not it will happen I don't know.

It's hard to explain, but I feel liek the only life I can have is with him and I am just destined to have to deal with the path I have chosen.


Sorry to ramble, but hope that at least OP feels less alone.

property.advert

Easy to sit behind your computer and shout for the OP to get out isn't it ? but she is worse than broke, she's stuck in the lunacy of overdraft land with presumably credit card bills all over the place and a mortgage which is obviously proving a struggle on 2 incomes as she is in so much debt. Fast forward a little and she will end up with CCJs, an inability to work, to pay her bills, 6 or more years of financial problems and potential bankruptcy. Harsh ? yes, realistic ? also yes.

Of course she's got to split up with this guy but the easiest way is to ask him to leave and if he won't go, phone the police and they will offer him the ability to leave or be arrested. He goes back to wherever and they work out how to manage the split.

I don't belittle the fact that he hit her at all but remember, we only have one side of this story. The OP seems to understand how he ticks and is perhaps able to move ahead without infuriating her partner. Right or wrong, managing him is going to be miles easier than confrontation.

I wonder whether there is an alcohol issue in here somewhere ?

renegade

It would seem to me that you want to 'have your cake AND eat it', you can't.
You have to make a very hard decision and not side step the issue.
He is not the person you want to spend your life with,you don't love him.
He will abuse you when and where he likes as long as you take it and do nothing.
I agree with most of the advice given on here.
Report it to the police.
Change the locks and remove his stuff.
Get a restraining order.
The rest of the business can be sorted out later.
I urge you Do Not go on holiday with him.
Nobody can tell you what to do, it is up to you, ignore the advice at your peril, or deal with the problem NOW!

icelandic_queen

Lots of good and not-so-good advice on here and I've already posted to tell of my experience. I didn"t leave the 1st, 2nd or even the 20th time, but one day after a truly horrific beating I just snapped and went. The OP will hopefully do the same. I just hope it's not too late. Property.advert I tried to 'manage' my ex and not infuriate him totally exhausting myself and ignoring my 3 little children in the process. It was no good, he still found an excuse to do what he did, time and time again.

globetraveller

Nicki wrote: »

Good for you in spotting the danger and acting quickly. Not many women are able to say the first time their husband hits them is also the last

Go and see a solicitor immediately specializing in family law. You can't petition for divorce until you have been married for at least a year, but you can start unravelling things now in preparation for that milestone. I am not an expert but I think in cases of DV you can get the aggressor out of the matrimonial home while the financial aspects are settled, so you can continue to live there. A good solicitor will know how to do this and keep everything straight for you.

You are doing the right thing and being very brave too. It's only natural to fee sad and scared that things have got to this point, but taking action will help.

I see you have folks telling you to get out but of course you have already made the decison that your life with him is over. I do understand completely why you don't want to walk out of your flat. As the above poster has said see the solicitor now. Also agree with suggestions to tell everyone what is going on( if you think it will help- you know his relatives)
good luck and stay brave.

edit to add
seemed to have missed a page of posts. Good grief- you are actually going on holiday with him????? That is not showing him you are strong- its showing the exact opposite. Strong is telling him to stuff the holiday.

icelandic_queen

My ex had to leave the home and then the wrangling over debts and money started. I had an excellent family law solicitor who worked closely with the hostel. Keep in touch with Women's Aid who can advise you and will always be there for you. When I told people what had happened after I cam home many said they thought things weren't right as I always looked sad or distant and my neighbour said that she could never have a private conversation with me as he would always come out and take over. He wasn't so brave when my relatives found out and that was the women!!! he went to ground to lick his wounds for about a month!! There's more support for you than you realise hun and you have nothing to be ashamed about! Name and shame him to your friends and both your relatives!!