Baby due soon, what to do regarding visitors?

3v3

ska_lover wrote: »

Every girl needs her mum in these situations

"Every"? Not according to this thread

Many, maybe; not every

gratefulforhelp_2

No, my mum was a very competent midwife, and I have avoided having her at all 3 births - she would panic and flap because it's me, and not a patient.

GobbledyGook

I had my Mum (technically my Grandmother, but she and my Grandfather brought us up from age 7) there for my first 2 births. It was comforting for me to have the two people I loved and trusted the most with me at the scariest time of my life. I was also comforted by the fact that if my ex-H needed support then she could give it and also that if he needed a break I'd never be on my own.

Also my ex-H was a very supportive birth partner, but there was times where I needed to be told to get on with it. I reacted much better to her than I did to the midwives. Also she was much calmer than my ex-H and much less easily swayed by the midwives which was especially important for my second birth. I had home births and for my second birth the first midwife was of the opinion that they were too busy for silly things like home births so I needed to go to hospital like the normal people. Only her determination meant that a) I didn't know any of that was going on and b ) another midwife was sent so I could have my home birth.

It's not a slight on a partner imo. It's just in an incredibly scary situation you can have the two people you are closest to so that's what many women choose. Also I had nightmares that my birth partner wouldn't make it so I took comfort from the fact that they were both unlikely to get lost :rotfl:

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

when i had DD i had both my mum and DD's dad there. he was absolutly useless as he freaked out and my mum was brilliant lol I'm having my mum there again this time when i have flump in dec

GobbledyGook

Also in regard to visitors after the birth I was really strict. Phone before you visit - if I don't answer then don't come. I had a note for the door saying "Sorry we're asleep, please don't knock" for those who just ignored it. For those who did come I left the sugar, tea bags, coffee, cups and biscuits next to the kettle and told them to help themselves - I didn't run about after anyone!

doolallygal

I don't often post on threads, but feel compelled to with this one.

I gave birth just over 9 months ago, and as much as I love my mum there was never a time that I wanted her at the birth (good job, baby was early and they were away on holiday!)

But my mil was with me and dh right through my labour and left the room as I pushed little one out, and then she came back in 5 mins after little one was born.

She was absolutely fantastic (wasn't planned her to be there, she was off work so joined us at hospital) but I wouldn't have had it any other way. A tower of strenth to both me and hubby, but also gave hubby the strength to realise things he could do to help.

Just a different viewpoint I guess. Anyway I'm sure it will all be fine when little one makes their appearance. Different people have different 'rocks' they need to rely on, and sometimes it's just knowing that they are there rather than them doing anything.

Congrats and just look forward to the future and you and your wife being a mummy and daddy

delain

I can't imagine anything worse than having my mum present at any births because she is such a drama queen and it always has to be about her, I need to get on with being in labour not comforting her!

I only ever wanted the father of the baby there, the ex however was a total kn0b end about the whole thing and actually disappeared for hours from the hospital in my second (induced) labour supposedly to get me a drink from the shop and came back blind drunk having got as far as a pub half a mile away.

My OH (father of my youngest and the baby due at Christmas) could not have been more different, he was lovely and that makes a difference.

What you need to do is accept that your mrs wants her mum there as well, and arguing about it isn't going to end well for you (hormones and all that - towards the end of pregnancy I make an angry bear look happy)

a word of warning: Do not expect her to put the wishes of your parents above hers. Ever. This causes big rifts in relationships and drives families apart. I had a really overbearing ex mil and could quite cheerfully buried her alive some days when she was cheerfully ramming her 'advice' down my neck and criticising my housekeeping, and the ex said nothing at all and expected me to humour her!

If your mil starts doing that, you and gf must present a united front and have rules about what is and isn't acceptable, ie when to visit, and how much, if any 'advice' does your gf actually want?