Baby due soon, what to do regarding visitors?

bylromarha

balletshoes wrote: »

bless you - don't worry about it, most of us, no matter how old we are when we're giving birth, want our mums around .

Can't think of anything worse than having my mum around when I gave birth :eek::eek::eek::eek:

OP - I was there when my bestie gave birth. She was worried her OH would struggle with the blood, the boredom and the like so she wanted to know she could continue relaxing through the birth, that someone would be there to support her, should her OH need to move away from the business end.

AmandaD28

OP my OH would probs sypathise with you as he too felt put out when I said my mum was to be there too.

My mum was at each of my three previous births but this is OH's first baby and he has never thought that he would share the birth experience with my mum ! I think he thought that I thought he wouldn't be good enough IYSWIM. That was never the issue I just want my mum there I don't feel confident in doing it without her of course if it comes to C Section OH will hands down be in the room but mum will be around outside ! That is no reflection on my OH btw I think he is going to be fab he is already so attentive and do not think this will change any time soon I just still want my mum lol

Have you asked her about it and talked it through ? Just you don't mention it you just state that she has told you and you are miffed by it I would suggest a good old fashioned heart to heart good luck with the baby I'm sure it will all go well and mum can attend to you're OH afterwards whilst you have a nice cuddle with your new DD/DS I would really try not to worry.

plumpmouse

I had a long and difficult first birth (not c-section) and said afterwards it would have been nice for my mum to be there not for me really (was a bit out of it) but to help hubby (they get on well). He wouldn't leave me at all but may have done for a few minutes if he knew I had someone.

However my second (c-section) was just me and OH. Can't really see what help my mum could have given TBH. She came 5 hours later at visiting.

[Deleted User]

AmandaD28 wrote: »

OP my OH would probs sypathise with you as he too felt put out when I said my mum was to be there too.

My mum was at each of my three previous births but this is OH's first baby and he has never thought that he would share the birth experience with my mum ! I think he thought that I thought he wouldn't be good enough IYSWIM. That was never the issue I just want my mum there I don't feel confident in doing it without her of course if it comes to C Section OH will hands down be in the room but mum will be around outside ! That is no reflection on my OH btw I think he is going to be fab he is already so attentive and do not think this will change any time soon I just still want my mum lol

Have you asked her about it and talked it through ? Just you don't mention it you just state that she has told you and you are miffed by it I would suggest a good old fashioned heart to heart good luck with the baby I'm sure it will all go well and mum can attend to you're OH afterwards whilst you have a nice cuddle with your new DD/DS I would really try not to worry.

Had a chat and she's reassured me its just a mum/daughter thing, i'm the one who she is wanted for the main support, the mother thing is just as everyone has already said lol, phew!

AmandaD28

Deleted_User wrote: »

Had a chat and she's reassured me its just a mum/daughter thing, i'm the one who she is wanted for the main support, the mother thing is just as everyone has already said lol, phew!

There you go then

I'm glad you've talked about it and are reassured I can't explain why I want mine there just that I want her there she is fantastic at support, I also know that OH will be fascinated by our new baby and won't take any notice of me after the birth while he's having a cuddle :rotfl:

It's obviously a personal choice and some mums will be there and other daughters won't want them anywhere near

Good luck with it x

lovethymini

Good luck with the baby!

Can I just add that I found it difficult to refuse visitors when I got home with our baby, feeling that they were all excited and needed to meet the newest member of the family, but I so wish DH had banned visitors for the first few days. I was very exhausted (nothing scary, just very low blood pressure) and REALLY didn't want to say no but just couldn't. If your OH needs the rest, protect her from the rellies, just for a few days!

jakes-mum

congratulations Good luck with the baby :T

I have to agree with most others, when I had my first baby I was 22 and scared out of my mind at what was going to happen and told my mother she was going to be there from about 6 months gone. Good thing too as I had to have an epidural and hubby was so scared id move and be paralized he left the room :eek:

Second baby was 6 years later and I only had hubby there as i was much more confident, I knew what I had to do and what to expect.

3v3

Deleted_User wrote: »

Had a chat and she's reassured me its just a mum/daughter thing, i'm the one who she is wanted for the main support, the mother thing is just as everyone has already said lol, phew!

Bless ya! Nerve wracking stuff, huh?

If I know anything, this will not be the first instance you will feel a tad "put out". Baby will take up a *huge* amount of your OH's time, emotion and attention, most especially in the first year, and you may well feel that you are on the outside looking in (or, depending on how strongly it impacts on you: abandoned/unloved/jealous) And you will also have to content with OH's Mother wanting to "support" her through these times too. But do try not to let it affect you to the point where you feel your nose is out of joint; keep communicating with your OH (tactfully) and it will all be fine.

Visitors after a baby is born can easily be sorted by having what is known as an "at home to visitors" day/dates. Simply print off some cards/design an email saying something like:

your name, OH's name will be at home for visitors to introduce our baby on suchday between such o'clock and such o'clock.

that way you have some control over that aspect of things.

Very good luck with the forthcoming birth; hope it all goes smoothly for you all

mumcoll

My Mum was with me when I had my first (husband was in the forces and away). I didn't want anyone there on my next two - just wanted to get on with it on my own. Hubby later told me he would have liked to have had the chance!

My daughter is 3 weeks off having her baby and wants me 'around' with her OH with her. She has said though that she doesn't want anyone down 'the business end'. (Apart from medical people!) I am happy with whatever she wants and will probably lurk outside on duty for anything either of them want. Can't wait!

joanne0620

Another one here who just wanted DH to be there when DS was born, I adore my Mum but I just wanted DH.

Everyone is different