Baby due soon, what to do regarding visitors?

Becles

My Mam was with me when I had my eldest two and I'm pleased as she was very supportive and ex-OH wasn't.

She wasn't at the hospital when I had my third, but she was around a lot at home afterwards until I got settled.

From a female point of view, I felt happier talking about things like sore nipples with my Mam than I did with my OH's. She was more sympathetic having been through it all herself and could offer advice based on her experiences.

Make an arrangement with visitors calling soon after the birth. When I came out of hospital with my eldest, I'd just got home and got him settled and was desperate for a shower and clean clothes. Grandparents turned up followed by other visitors, and I felt rubbish trying to entertain people with manky hair that needed washing and crumpled clothes that had been stuffed in my bag while I was in hospital

Definitely worth asking visitors for a day or two to get settled back in at home before they turn up.

Amanda65

Jinx wrote: »

Hmmm I only wanted my hubby there, not my mum - I now realise its me thats odd looking at this thread lol

Another vote here for only hubby in attendance. I love my mother dearly and she was fantastic post-nataly but would have been an absolute nightmare at the births (I had very long labours with all 3 ) as she panics.

I really don't understand the thinking behind birth becoming a spectator sport - for me and OH it was a very special time that we (some may say selfishly ) didn't want to share with anyone else.

To OP I think you MIL being outside is really just so your OH knows that her Mum is available should she be needed but in reality, probably won't get to come in until everyone is cleaned / stitched up and you have had those precious first few minutes with you new baby. I would say if it's what makes your OH comfortable then go with it - we're fickle creatures, just run with it

Kandboys

Yet another vote here for just hubby in attendance. I love my Mum to bits but she wouldn't want to intrude on what is a special time for the two of us. I can kind of understand having an extra support in labour but for a c-section Mums can't offer any extra support as they just have to wait outside. So don't get the thinking there to be honest.

OrkneyStar

Deleted_User wrote: »

I just assumed i will be in the theatre throughout the c-section, it was just the bit about having her mum outside for support, stung me a bit thought i'd be the support...

You won't be in for the whole time I don't think. I had to go along and get the anaesthetic (in my case spinal) set up and basically ready to go, so to speak, before hubby came in. I think this is in case there is any problems with getting the anaesthetic set up (not that common but it can happen) and say a general anaesthetic is needed or something! You will be getting your 'scrubs' on at this point and then once they are ready to start the actual birth part then you will come in. I think my husband also left shortly after baby was born, whilst they sewed me up. Might not be exactly the same everywhere, but just to warn you you might not be in there with her all the time! We were then wheeled through to recovery and he was waiting there.
As for visitors, it is you and your partners experience and if she only wants close family there then so be it, encourage her to let your parents/her dad (or whoever else is close) visit perhaps next day/eve- but only stay for a wee while- just to see the baby/get a photo to gush over etc. Longer visits and longer chats can wait. All the best x

pinkclouds

Deleted to avoid any possible offense. Except the following:

Good luck with the birth!!

gratefulforhelp_2

You do what your OH wants, and allow for her changing her mind. She and baby come first on this occasion.

Birdie85

pinkclouds wrote: »

Glad you're feeling better about it. Hope *your* mom will feel okay about it too. It's hard being the mom of boys. My MIL has wistfully said that her DILs always want their own moms first, in everything, over her but that's only natural and can't be helped.

You know, this is the thing worrying me about when I have a baby. I've told my DH that I want him and my Mum there (he's useless around anything remotely unpleasant so I'm not convinced he'll be great support!) but no-one else. When I told DH this he said, 'But what about my Mum?'... I'm sorry but I can think of nothing worse than my MIL seeing me in labour, or shortly after, although I'm sure she'll turn up within 5 minutes of the baby being born having hidden in the hospital cafe all day! I understand that it's exciting and she wants to be involved but I want *my* Mum!

I suppose the beauty of being the one who's giving birth to the baby is that you can order people around (and out of the room!) and no-one can say a thing!

I love the idea of setting a certain day and time for visitors to see the baby, will have to remember that! I'm also considering sticking a sign in the window to tell people to go away when I want to be left alone! :rotfl:

Hope the birth goes really well, enjoy being a Daddy!

Cezzabelle

havent read all the responses but didnt want to read and run. She asked for her mum to be outside ....not inside, you come first but crikey, have you any idea how terrifying it is to give birth?? Nope....and do you know who does?? Yup, mum, so she's second in the "support" network.

euronorris

Kandboys wrote: »

Yet another vote here for just hubby in attendance. I love my Mum to bits but she wouldn't want to intrude on what is a special time for the two of us. I can kind of understand having an extra support in labour but for a c-section Mums can't offer any extra support as they just have to wait outside. So don't get the thinking there to be honest.

Haven't been through it yet, but I already know that I want OH in the room (whether its a natural birth or a c-section), with Mum outside.

I just think I feel sooooo comforted by the fact that she is there. Also, if OH needs a break but doesn't want to leave me on my own, then Mum can step in. And, she's the best at keeping in touch with people and letting them know that everything is OK, baby is born etc. My OH is rubbish with that stuff (and he knows it), so he's quite happy to pass that responsibility onto her.

Wasn't too keen when I suggested that HIS Mum be there on the day, but that's because of their relationship. I just thought it would be nice for both grandparents to be there on the day (not necessarily during labour), especially as I know she cannot wait to be a grandma. But as I'm not even pregnant yet, we'll play that one by ear and I'll let him decide. Their relationship may improve, or worsen, during that time and I certainly don't want him distracted by the tension between them.

Glad all is OK now OP. Congratulations and all the best for the birth!

polejunkie

Jinx wrote: »

Hmmm I only wanted my hubby there, not my mum - I now realise its me thats odd looking at this thread lol

I didnt have nor did I want my mum present at any of my births, naturally she was the first person I rang a few seconds after my babies were born but having her there just didnt make me feel comfortable. My vagina and my mother should never be able to see each other! :rotfl: