Ladies do you receive house keeping from hubby?

paddy's_mum

Mojisola wrote: »

It's a start but I wouldn't be happy with his new "generosity"!

No .. and neither would I be. It is his attitudes that need changing, not simply how much housekeeping money is handed over, and even that only after big family upsets.

OP - where do you think his money goes? Have you ever had a sneaky little look about for his paperwork so that you can work out approximately what he is left with and spends each month?

It couldn't possibly be on a 'kept woman' that you don't know about, could it?

In your shoes, I would be making it very clear indeed that this husband is laying the foundations for a divorce not too far down the line.

Good luck and start saving those few pounds a week for an escape fund that I sincerely hope you will never need.

Mojisola

darlyd wrote: »

He does not want a join account where all our money gets paid into, but he did say he would have a joint savings account, we could save and go halfs for xmas etc. But then I know I would end up putting more in than him. But that won't bother me. When we got married, "2 became 1". hmm

Not in his eyes!

somethingsgottogive

I can't get over the fact that you've had to spend on the credit card and get a second job because you couldn't afford things like the children's clothes!? He pays less towards the 'family' then you do while he's earning more than you and being, in my eyes, a selfish !!!!!!!

I couldn't ever be with some one like that, OH and never even discussed it we just both 'knew' that completely down the middle (even when I was earning nothing as a SAHM) was the only way to be if we wanted to get married, have children and be a partnership in every other way

Pee

The way that I am looking at it is that he is covering the essentials, but there is a lot of spending going on that you are covering which he is not contributing to but neither does it seem to be discussed with him.

If you are spending more on what you have listed than he is on essential living costs then I am concerned and really think you need a SOA to see where you could maybe reduce costs.

I don't have the figures and you do say he is spending less out on the household but earning more which doesn't sound right based on what he is paying, unless the mortgage was taken out a long time ago and is very low.

Things like health insurance should be discussed and agreed beforehand and decided who will pay what towards it. I have to say I believe in using the NHS and not taking out private health insurance so with this for instance me and you would be disagreeing and I would consider it a real waste of money if I relented and paid the money for the children to keep you happy. There needs to be a budget for these purchases from the catalouge and maybe an emergency fund for things like a new fridge freezer, but maybe he knows from experience that this would be spent on non-emergency carpets... I am sure there are joint accounts where both signatures are required for withdrawals.

pigpen

Ecellent news that he has increased it to £100.. Now.. before he forgets his place as provider.. TELL him you would like to discuss the financial situaion in a few weeks again so that anything else can be addessed and keep receipts etc so you can show him you've not bought rubbish... men like to see tangible thins on the whole..

then if you need to you can say i do appreciate you have given me £40 extra and this is where is has been spent but I feel we could improve matters by doing this or whatever.

Have you had a scoop round at alternative utility providers/ see if you can save a few quid there.. it all shows you are taking an interest and trying to keep costs down and he has to accept living costs have increased.

*max*

pigpen wrote: »

before he forgets his place as provider..

Why is it HIS place to provide? The OP works too! And he's paying the mortgage, council tax, gas...etc. I agree theirs isn't a healthy way to organise the family finances, but he's hardly "not providing". Unless the mortgage is very small, I don't see how she's paying more than him. Relatively, maybe - their shares are not proportionate if he's earning a lot more than her, and that has to be addressed and rebalanced. But I still don't see how she's paying more than him. £100 a week on top of her earnings should be enough to cover what the OP said her expenses were - or am I missing something?

Errata

I wonder if the OP knows exactly how much her OH earns, how much the mortgage is and how much in savings he already has squirreled away in his name?

Pee

If you are thinking you would be better off with the divorce, I would be very careful to seek legal advice re the house as it sounds like it is partly in his mum's name and might be very compliacted. I would do this before telling him you are entitled to some of the house as you are married.

Darlyd

Hubby earns 28k I earn 6-7k. He pays every month £380 mortgage, £150 CT £50 to MIL for loans (he borrows from her for home improvements), roughly £100 for tv/bb/phone, £40 gas, £40 water. That is all! Where does his other money go? Beer, fags, games, and breakfast (cob van). I make him and his work colleague (who is slow) sandwiches daily. I also supply his sugar and tea bags and milk, (I drink coffee no sugar or milk), I also supply his bath bits, deodorant, clothes, he buys his own trainers when he needs them, I also supply him his meals, (sometimes he will go to MIL for dinner when I am working long, and not prepared anything). He does not have to pay for a car or mobile as they are supplied through his work.

I pay out much more than him every month.

I think £100 a week from him is about right, and I am happy with this. Now we need to discuss savings, and trust. And hopefully an extension over the garage as DD1 bedroom is to small for her (not helping with her mental health), it's 5 foot by 6 foot (if that), and so not fair. He says he can get any money we need via his Mum, and he pays her mnthly. So let's see if he acts on it.

I really don't want a divorce, never said that, but I would of been willing to leave if it makes me better off, and less frustrated. We have a lot to discuss.

Gigervamp

So he has about 1k a month spending money?

ETA, before he gives you his housekeeping, that is.