Ladies do you receive house keeping from hubby?

Mojisola

How much does he owe his mother?

savingmummy

You need to do a SOA and make sure it is 100% perfect then see where it goes and whats left.
Also find out how much is in savings it could maybe pay off some or all of a debt!!!

If what the SOA states is left isn`t left, then you need to work out where it goes between you!

Child benefit and tax credit should be for the childrens clothing etc i wouldnt use debt to buy these essentials i`m guessing you get these into your account? limit what you get and how much you spend. maybe reduce activities or find free ones in your local area.
Cutting back as much as you can really does help, your maybe doing too much with too little.

Debtfree wannabe forum is a huge help lots of tips on how to reduce outgoings there i become debtfree within 6 months thanks to them and their amazing help on my SOA!

Mrs_Arcanum

We are in a very very similar situation (except for the borrowing from a relative) separate accounts & joint savings (I will not have a joint current account nor will he). I earn 6-7k DH earns around 30K (could change with OT but not reliable). He pays mortgages (ours are around £650pcm), joint loan, CT, TV, phone & BB, mobile contract, building & content insurance, petrol, all car costings except insurance, his own CC bills & gives me £400 per month plus extra catalogue if he buys household stuff or his own clothing to cover the payments. I pay Utilities & Water, TV License, car insurance and children's clothing & my DMP. I generally have more spare cash than he does, but then the children will need something extra & that gets blown, but at least I know I can cover emergencies.

Never ever been an issue over housekeeping in nearly 22 years of marriage.

I could do a SOA but choose to be happy as we are. It may be slow but we are getting there.

Bambywamby

Having once lived with a greedy man, the problem with fiscally greedy people is they also seem to be selfish with their time, attitude, affection and apologies. It is almost like giving to someone is a sign of weakness.

I am glad to see your hubby has made a slight improvement giving you an extra £40 per week but don't just settle and be grateful for that - ask more of him. You should both feel financially secure in the marriage - not just him.

My current partner has his faults - he is incredibly unromantic - for example I have had one bunch of flowers in ten years. He says the most tactless things (typical broad Lancashire gobwob ) and can be very impatient with people but he has so many nice traits too. He is generous (he lets me deal with all the money and spend it as I see fit), if I need a shelf putting up it is done within 48 hours, he works full time and does overtime to pay for the family treats, he proudly brings me his veggie plot produce to cook as he loves being a provider and if I am unwell/pregnant/feeling delicate I get the royal treatment. He isn't perfect nor me but we always work as a family unit and that creates a strong foundation.

x x x

nuttyp

Due to both being declared BR, had joint account at the time. So we have just 1 account in my name, OH wages go in along with mine. I pay all bills, fill up both cars every week and if he needs cash, just takes the odd tenner. He doesnt ask what i buy the kids, just insists that all bills are paid on time, theres food in the cupboard and i dont allow us to over indulge.

I suppose im lucky compared to others, but sometimes i wish he would play a bigger part in controling the finances. Cant wait for himto find out i cancelled sky, as paying £25 a month for tv we see for about 3hrs anight is a waste...... maybe he wont notice!!!

paddy's_mum

Bambywamby wrote: »

Having once lived with a greedy man, the problem with fiscally greedy people is they also seem to be selfish with their time, attitude, affection and apologies. It is almost like giving to someone is a sign of weakness.

I am glad to see your hubby has made a slight improvement giving you an extra £40 per week but don't just settle and be grateful for that - ask more of him. You should both feel financially secure in the marriage - not just him.

My current partner has his faults - he is incredibly unromantic - for example I have had one bunch of flowers in ten years. He says the most tactless things (typical broad Lancashire gobwob ) and can be very impatient with people but he has so many nice traits too. He is generous (he lets me deal with all the money and spend it as I see fit), if I need a shelf putting up it is done within 48 hours, he works full time and does overtime to pay for the family treats, he proudly brings me his veggie plot produce to cook as he loves being a provider and if I am unwell/pregnant/feeling delicate I get the royal treatment. He isn't perfect nor me but we always work as a family unit and that creates a strong foundation.

x x x

In my opinion, this is a superb post and I thank Bambywamby (yikes!) for it. OP - can you now see what others were trying to tell you? This is all about attitude....

electricmuffin

Oh my goodness, I sympathise with you- what a horrible situation. Perhaps you could work out how much he would have to pay someone for childcare, housework etc if you couldn't? That way you can put an objective price on your contribution instead of relying on what he deems to be a correct amount.

MrandMrsB

I have not read all the posts as there are too many and I'm tired, but I wanted to say that I am certain that all married / cohabiting couples should share their resources 50:50. Since we married, Mr B has been the main bread winner, and I did the cooking, cleaning, looked after our son and our animals, until I was ill, then Mr B did most of it. I had enough time to make make money from property so I contributed to our household in that way. Then I received a legacy from an aunt, and recently Mr B inherited a much larger amount from from a family friend. This money is all our money, for instance today I bought myself a treat with some of Mr B's legacy and did not need to ask his permission.

We are both very sensible with money, so we trust each other, if we didn't our marriage would fail. Mr B divorced his first wife because she ran up huge debts without Mr B's consent.....she simply would not stop spending money. He came out of that marriage with minus c£30K which was a huge amount of money at the time.

rachbc

MrandMrsB wrote: »

t I wanted to say that I am certain that all married / cohabiting couples should share their resources 50:50.

and I'm fairly certain that all married couples should be free to choose for themselves how to manage their finances as long as it works for them and they are both happy with the arrangements

sandraroffey

my (ex) husband always kept me short of money. my money was the child benefit and family income supplement (thats what tax credits used to be) we had 5 kids, 4 at home and i had to feed and clothe all of us on that, plus all his hanger-on friends who came to stay for days/weeks on end. yes he paid the bills but what i had just wasnt enough and he knew that. i had to ask him for everything; even if i need new knickers!!!!! and if he said it was ok, then i got the money but there was never enough. we were all clothed from jumble sale. except him, because he was so big that you could only get his clothes from a specialist big mans shop.

it was just awful and as said by a pevious poster, its all about control!!!!! i couldnt do anything or go anywhere without having to ask him for money. when he went away for work, he went with at least £300 pounds in his pocket plus his credit card and ate in the best places the whole time he was away.

hated the whole time.