Ladies do you receive house keeping from hubby?

shelley_crow

it sounds like he's using money as a method of control. Unless you are a trainwreck with money (not saying you are), i can't think of one single reason for not pooling resources. Do you know where his spare money goes?

it's one easy way to not be married for long, i can't imagine being treated like this. It doesn't sound like he trusts you.

serious_saver

We each put the same amount of money into a joint account on pay day. This covers our rent, all bills and all household groceries and purchases.

If we go out for a meal etc with friends but not each other then we use money from our own accounts but if we decide to do something together then this usually comes out of the joint account as well. Nearly everything we spend goes out of the joint account which means that most of our remaining money can go straight into savings for our house deposit.

I'm on more money than him at the moment but he doesn't mind paying 50/50 because all the extra money will go on our future home.

Plans_all_plans

I wouldn't be at all happy with the arrangement you have at the mo!

Even when I was a stay at home mum (now working part time) my husband and I had a joint account and to be honest, he hardly ever touched the money anyway! The child benefit and the small amount of child tax credits we get go in the joint account too.

I really don't get this "mine and yours" in a marriage. At least the fact that you're married gives you some security when it comes to not being on the house deeds though.

If he thinks you're a kept woman, tell him you're resigning from your job so that he can truly "keep you."

Plans_all_plans

darlyd wrote: »

They are my doing as I struggle to afford clothes for the kids so buy them out of the catalogue and I use credit card when I am really struggling, but usually I pay it off when I get paid. But I owe on it now as I treated us to a weekend in London. As I never been before and wanted to celebrate our wedding anniversary away from here. I am a romantic, wish he was lol.

I don't mean to be harsh, but you need your head testing!!! He's not giving you enough money to survive and you whisk him off to London for a trip and get yourself in debt?!

If he was my husband, I'd be tempted to recind on all of my "wifely duties" (cooking, ironing, cleaning, bedroom activities) until he gave me enough money to get by on.

hastie

As a husband I find this very upsetting.
Look, you are family. The whole ethos of a family has to be that by pooling your emotional, physical and monetry means your are greater then your componant parts.
United we stand devided you fall kind of stuff.
We can all find it useful to have a distinct pocket money pot as it focuses the mind in a way, but to hold back when the other partner is struggling (as long as you are not a muppet with money) is just mean.
Makes me sad.

Newly_retired

Rather than go on about being on the mortgage or even having a joint account, which seems to antagonise him, why not concentrate your discussions on the cost of the outgoings? As long as these are being met in a way which is fair and proportionate to your respective incomes, it really doesn't matter whether you actually pool your money into one account.

In fact there are distinct advantages to each having your own account for your wages/salary+ CB etc to be paid into.
If you both contribute to the outgoings, then what is left over is yours to save or spend.
It can act as incentive to keep the spending down, and have more put aside for a treat or a rainy day, or , dare I say it, the day when you decide to go your own way.

cgk1

My partner and I have a bills account that money goes into, then some saving accounts and the rest of our own individual income we spend as we please from our individual accounts.

BitterAndTwisted

OP: I honestly think that you've approached this in completely the wrong way with your husband. The issue of ownership of the property and joint bank accounts are the least of your worries.

YOU PAY MORE OF THE HOUSEHOLD BILLS THAN YOUR HUSBAND DOES DESPITE EARNING LESS MONEY. You need him to increase your housekeeping by a substantial amount and if he doesn't he needs to start paying more of the bills. Leave him to pay all of the utilities at the very least. Stand firm and tell him that you cannot continue as you are at present. If he thinks you're a "kept woman" now just give up your job and be one.

dark_lady

The amount of threads like this on here (there are usually four or five threads like this a month but there have been three this week alone.) Im beginning to think there should be a seperate sub board on here like a financial abuse support board for people going through this because looking at these boards it just seems shockingly common. It does remind me how lucky i am with my husband though. He would never dream of acting like this and hes always shocked when i sometimes read these threads out to him. I think the OPs husband is being incredibly selfish and it is financial abuse and like that other poster said,as he called you a kept woman he then cant moan if you decide to follow that description to the letter can he?

[Deleted User]

We have a joint account and a single account each. CTC and CB goes into joint account. Hubbys wages go into his single account as he "CBA to change bank details", but then it immediately transfers to our joint account minus his monthly spending money and his "boyz toyz - expensive lorry restoration hobby fund" money. We both have access to the joint account but I allocated all the money and keep on top of things. He's never been good with money, had debt etc before, but he's learnt from me and MSE and now can often be heard questioning if we can afford something.

We have our single accounts so we dont have to justify personal spending and can shop for gifts etc privately. But predominately his wages are ours and if he gets a wage rise so does the figure transferred to our account.

But we are a married family with two kids and we both take resonsiblity for this. Another close friend of mine doesnt have single accounts just a joint account, but i personally would find that suffociating and would find it hard to keep track of what's what.

You have to find a system that you both can work with.