Feeling rich and lost...

BugglyB

balletshoes wrote: »

I disagree with this - because jealousy, bitterness and resentment especially are totally negative emotions, and only eat up the person feeling this way. They don't change anything, whereas learning to let go of these feelings does make a huge difference to having a positive state of mind.

Yet there is a huge difference between giving someone helpful advice and support to learn to let go of these emotions and saying 'feeling like that is ridiculous' is there not?

balletshoes

BugglyB wrote: »

Yet there is a huge difference between giving someone helpful advice and support to learn to let go of these emotions and saying 'feeling like that is ridiculous' is there not?

absolutely - I don't think the OP feeling the way she does is ridiculous, and I certainly didn't say that. Most folk who have posted on this thread see that the OP is exhausted, and feels inadequate because of the area she lives in and the people she mixes with.
I do think almost all the posters on this thread have given support and advice, even if the OP or anyone else has disagreed with the advice or opinions.
And I still believe there is no point being jealous or bitter or resentful of what someone else has - it does no good and doesn't help anyone.

Despera

Sarah999, thank you very much for your honest and informative post.

Despera

blue_monkey wrote: »

My DD is also year 3, my son Y2. Neither have a sense of inadaquacy about money or *things*. Your son wants *things* and without them he feels inadequate (your words).

No, they are not my words. I never said that my children feel inadequate. They are happy and well-adjusted kids. I said that about myself.

BugglyB

balletshoes wrote: »

absolutely - I don't think the OP feeling the way she does is ridiculous, and I certainly didn't say that. Most folk who have posted on this thread see that the OP is exhausted, and feels inadequate because of the area she lives in and the people she mixes with.
I do think almost all the posters on this thread have given support and advice, even if the OP or anyone else has disagreed with the advice or opinions.
And I still believe there is no point being jealous or bitter or resentful of what someone else has - it does no good and doesn't help anyone.

No - neither do I.

With respect the quote I posted in answer to, wasn't yours, and did say 'feeling like that is ridiculous' which I felt wasn't supportive or advice.

I never intimated that feeling jealous or bitter or desperate was a good thing.

Best of luck to the OP.

Despera

blue_monkey wrote: »

Maybe you son also feels inadequte intellectually because you are sending him for extra schooling while his other friends are having a kick around in the park?

Once more, my son does not feel inadequate, including academically. He is one of the best students there. And he gets plenty of kick around in the park as well as plays for the local football team.

The thread is not about my children at all.

I will accept whatever opinions people might have as long as they refer to facts, not speculations.

Despera

BugglyB wrote: »

No - neither do I.

With respect the quote I posted in answer to, wasn't yours, and did say 'feeling like that is ridiculous' which I felt wasn't supportive or advice.

I never intimated that feeling jealous or bitter or desperate was a good thing.

Best of luck to the OP.

Thanks, BugglyB!

londoner1998

Despera wrote: »

You are right, I am exhausted and now actually am crying after reading the first posts. It is past 10 pm and I am looking at a busy night because I have to submit a project tomorrow by 10 am. It was a new client so I couldn't turn it down.

I have never ever made that much, never thought I would. This project alone would earn me £500 for 2 days' (or rather nights') work.

Please keep your thoughts coming, I am so grateful for the external perspective.

I see a contradiction here: yes, you can turn it down. You can because you earn enough not to have to touch your salary. Ask yourself: do you really need to say 'yes' to everything? Can you buy sleep with those £500?

Be very careful: your health (and family life) can suffer a lot if you conitnue goign this way. Money is nice but there are things you just can't buy and those are a happy, stable family life and good health.
Take a break and re-assess your priorities. My OH is working 12 hours a day these days, but we need the money. If we didn't , there is no way that he would do it continuously... it really takes a toll...

KiKi

Despera wrote: »

No, they are not my words. I never said that my children feel inadequate. They are happy and well-adjusted kids. I said that about myself.

Hiya, I think this is what BM was referring to (although I could be wrong!):

"I agree, children do not need all those trimmings while they are young - they will be happy with whatever we offer. But as they get older it gets trickier. They want to go on holidays abroad like their friends, they want gadgets like their friends’, they ask questions why Johhny's dad has a bigger car than ours. They too want to feel adequate."

But if your kids are happy, and aren't after those tangible 'things', then that's great. I think BM's point is that because you're so concerned about it, your children are bound to feel that from you, no matter how much you don't show it. They pick up on things so easily! After all, you say that you picked up on it as a child, so there's no reason your own kids won't.

Someone else made a point earlier that you can actually provide your kids with all the tangible 'things' they want with the salary you're on. You could possibly even afford a private education if you weren't going to try and pay off your mortgage within seven years (although, of course, sending your kids to private school comes with all sorts of other pressures, and is probably not the best thing given your current mindset).

Could you consider not doing the mortgage thing so that you have some more free cash to do the things you really want to with your children? There would be a hell of a lot less pressure on you to work full time if that was the case.

If I were you, I'd pay my mortgage over 20 years, and use the money to partly save and partly go on holiday (somewhere *you* want to!) and not work full time and see more of the children. And, most importantly, have some time for yourself.

I think only you can change the mindset of "I don't need a 4 bed detached house" - and I don't know how to resolve that other than a) moving away to somewhere where it's not the norm, or b) just realising that it doesn't matter, and as long as you raise your kids to know that, then you've done a great job.

KiKi

MrsAtobe

Despera, is there a way that you can taye a day off from all work activities and just do, well, nothing? Or sleep, or have a massage or something else you enjoy?

I worked in the City of London for 18 months, and you get sort of stuck on a treadmill- that may not e the best way to describe it, but it's the best way I can think of putting it. One of the guys that I worked with turned up to work one day in jeans, forgetting that he was going to be meeting clients. So he calmly walked into Austin Reed and bought everything he needed, even the shoes. Working and living in that sort of environment does skew your perspective as to what is normal. It definitely did to me!

You've realised that something is wrong, you do appear to be on that treadmill / stuck in a deep rut, you do need, for the sake of your health, sanity and family to do something about it. Do you have an aunt or uncle that you could talk to about this? Looking back, being made redundant from that job was a blessing in disguise, even if I'm still paying off the credit card . If you carry on like this, it will be YOU that gives.