Hacked off being put on like this.

faerie_girl

If she is so bothered that her husband gets a card she can buy one herself!

BugglyB

It sounds like there are other issues rather than the card. I would suggest trying to sort these out but in the meantime, just send the damn card. It comes across as petty not to send a card to someone who in your own words has been good to you when your problem isn't really with the card, its with your mothers attitude and behaviour to you. As a mark of respect if nothing else why not send him a card – there are a whole range of cards available now, it doesn’t have to say ‘dad’ on it. Then when the ‘great card fiasco of 2011’ is over and you have shown yourself to be a grown up and ‘the bigger person’ you can concentrate on actually sorting out the relationship between you and your mum.

I apologise if this comes across as rude (its not intended that way) but you have asked for opinions and this is mine, from the perspective of someone recently bereaved, you won’t look back and wish you spent more time arguing over a card.

Edit: also, be careful, anyone who knows you in real life will know this is you..

Brighton_belle

BugglyB wrote: »

I apologise if this comes across as rude (its not intended that way) but you have asked for opinions and this is mine, from the perspective of someone recently bereaved, you won’t look back and wish you spent more time arguing over a card.

But equally, she may regret always giving in to her mothers demanding tempers and never standing up for herself and never putting her relationship with her mother on an adult to adult basis rather than childish adult to grown up daughter she treats as a child to be told what to do and how to live. We just can't know.

My opinion is OP that is is not remotely petty to refuse a to send a card - its just emotional manipulation on your mothers behalf and a bizarre request. I never send my dad a card and we really love each other - its just a made up day that is meaningless to us and didn't exisit when I was a child (not THAT long ago,lol).
He isn't your dad and has not been a dad to you (because you didn't need a 2nd one at 17, you had a perfectly good one already).Surely it is down to his own children to send a card (or not).

BugglyB

My point is, at the moment, to the mother at least, the argument is about a card, and not about her own unreasonable behaviour. And will continue to be no matter how much the op wants to reframe it as about the mothers behaviour, to the mother (rightly or wrongly) it will be about the card until a) fathers day passes or b) a card is sent.

bylromarha

Come on, repeat after me
No No No No No

And again, louder,
NO NO NO NO NO

The first time you say it to your mum is the hardest, but once you've passed that hurdle, the unreasonable requests start to decrease.

diable

Your Mum should be hassling his kids and not you.

ceebeeby

I'm the worst person in the world at these situations, so would bottle it completely and send a text to say no card, and then block all calls for a day until shes calmed down

FunnySaving

meritaten wrote: »

Your Mum and Stepfather obviously were deeply in love - and still are by the sounds of it. They risked everything to be together.

What do you think they risked to be together? From what the OP said, it sounds more like they chose each other over their existing commitments to their respective families - perhaps you admire that selfishness but there is no reason why the OP should pander to it.

Savvy_Sue

Frittered_Away wrote: »

Oh I'm completely useless at deadlines and stuff. I got my mum a bunch of flowers a week after mothers day (and no card) and for my dad's birthday I got him a glass thing which he loves, but that was a few weeks after and no card! It doesn't mean I don't appreciate them, and there was lots of thought put into the presents (as my dad said, 'you do buy very thoughtful gifts') but it's the timekeeping I can't handle!

Besides, I think I'd rather have a nice lunch than a useless bit of cardboard

Ah, but I only got the nice lunch because I realised I was free and could be near his office at lunchtime, he'd never have thought of it himself. He admitted that having been reminded, he'd completely forgotten it was my birthday. Then he'd remembered, and forgotten again. He MIGHT have remembered around tea time and phoned me. Then again, he might not ... And as for a present! :rotfl: fat chance.

It's not a timekeeping thing with him. It's because it really isn't important to him whether or not he gets a card / present on his birthday. But it matters to me - not so much that I get something, but that his dad does. And his dad wouldn't care either.

Actually, if I'm honest, it would upset me if none of them bothered to send me a card for Mother's Day and / or my birthday. And I know none of them would if their Dad didn't remind them. and he only reminds them because I check whether or not he's intending to!

I could cope with late. It's the not at all thing which bugs me.

Mind you, I'm the one who never misses anyone else's birthday in our family. I did well this year: 2 out of 4 siblings managed a card. And the other two don't really have any excuse: my birthday is 2 weeks after one of them, and 2 weeks before the other. You'd think the first one would go "Oh look, a card, I must get one for her," and the other would go "Oh whoops, missed her birthday, must get her a late one". I know I would ...

meritaten

I stand by my post - I think its petty of the OP to cause all this upset over a peice of card with a word on it. and as others have pointed out that word need not be dad! Also, no-one has answered my question on whether the kids actually see stepdad as a grandfather figure.
The OP claims to now have a good relationship with her mum (actually she said they were like sisters), so would it hurt to give SOME acknowledgment to the man her mother loves?
The OP must be wondering this at some level - if she was so convinced she was in the right she wouldnt be asking our opinions would she?