Hacked off being put on like this.

MrsAtobe

I've never bought my stepmother a Mother's day card - my mother died when I was 13. She isn't my mother so why would I?

Meritaten, yes they risked everything to be together, that does not give the OP's mother the right to demand that her daughter send a card on Father's day to someone who isn't her father nor her son's grandfather, IMO. They knew there were going to be repercussions, this is one of them. You make your bed, you lie in it.

*Louise*

meritaten wrote: »

Your Mum and Stepfather obviously were deeply in love - and still are by the sounds of it. They risked everything to be together.
You describe him as a nice bloke - yet you dig your heels in about getting this 'nice bloke' a piece of card with a word on it. that word doesnt have to be dad - but grandad.
Sounds to me like your mum and dad have spent years paying the price for loving each other.
You havent accepted him - but do your kids see him as grandad - or do you insist they refer to him as 'grans husband'?
I actually feel sorry for your mum and even sorrier for her husband - it must have been hell trying to deal with all this resentment.
I cant help feeling that you are being very petty - buy the poor bloke a card even if it only says 'Thinking of you'.
I totally understand where your mum is coming from too - she loves him and you treat him like this - I would be mad too!
edit - you are quite right - you and your mum are NOT like sisters - not really friends either. you are still blaming her and your stepdad for breaking up thier marraiges and in particular for causing your dads breakdown. and making them pay for it.

I see what you are saying but think you have missed a vital point.....the OP is being TOLD to send a card, and if she doesn't her mother throws a massive hissy fit!

Under normal circumstances I would encourage someone to send their stepfather a card if they got on with him, but not in this instance where someone is throwing a tantrum about it.

Mrs_Arcanum

Getting your Step Dad a card (even under threat) could potentially devalue the card you get your Dad.

I can understand Step Dads getting cards when the real Dad is out of the picture but when you are so close to your Dad he is the only "father" who should get attention on Fathers day.

*max*

meritaten wrote: »

Your Mum and Stepfather obviously were deeply in love - and still are by the sounds of it. They risked everything to be together.
You describe him as a nice bloke - yet you dig your heels in about getting this 'nice bloke' a piece of card with a word on it. that word doesnt have to be dad - but grandad.
Sounds to me like your mum and dad have spent years paying the price for loving each other.
You havent accepted him - but do your kids see him as grandad - or do you insist they refer to him as 'grans husband'?
I actually feel sorry for your mum and even sorrier for her husband - it must have been hell trying to deal with all this resentment.
I cant help feeling that you are being very petty - buy the poor bloke a card even if it only says 'Thinking of you'.
I totally understand where your mum is coming from too - she loves him and you treat him like this - I would be mad too!
edit - you are quite right - you and your mum are NOT like sisters - not really friends either. you are still blaming her and your stepdad for breaking up thier marraiges and in particular for causing your dads breakdown. and making them pay for it.

How bloody insensitive! I'm not going to comment in depth tonight, because I'm tired. But saying a child, whatever their age, should just be happy for their parent regardless of what happened because "it's their dad/mum's life", and whatever they have to say about it is "making them pay for it" is so unbelievably short-sighted! So kids should just sit tight, be grateful they're alive, and never blame anyone? !!!! that. Parents are parents FOR LIFE, whether they like it or not. Thankfully, some do step up to the job.

Savvy_Sue

SympathyForTheDevil wrote: »

I've got a teenage son who would rather stick pins in his eyes than handmake a cute card

"Oh, sorry Mum, I asked DS to buy 'Paul' a card, he must have forgotten ..."

I am reminding my boys about Father's Day and their Dad's birthday, at regular intervals. Whether it will come to anything or not is another matter. DS1 didn't manage to get me a birthday card, despite his dad reminding him to do so. Fortunately he was free to meet me for lunch, and he paid! I pointed out that a 'useless piece of cardboard' (his description of greetings cards) would have been cheaper!!!

Blue_Monkey

OP, I feel for you - and don't think you should get a father's day card or a grandfather card....

My dad often tries to encourage me and my brother to get a mother's day card for his wife, our step-mum. She's been in our lives since I was about 9 (and my brother 5) and doesn't have any children of her own. I know it would mean the world to her, but for some reason it just doesn't feel right. So I've never got her one, and nor has my brother. We both love our step-mum dearly, and get on well with her etc, but she's not our mum. It makes us feel really uncomfortable that Dad asks us, mainly because if he has to ask then it's even less genuine! I know he's only doing it because he loves her and wants her to feel special, but unfortunately, I don't see mother's day as the most appropriate time to do that. I don't want to share mother's day with anyone else other than my brother and my mum.

My mum has said she wouldn't mind if we got step-mum a card, though she thinks it's odd that dad tries to encourage it....

Mum's husband, our step-dad has also been in our lives for nearly 25 years and it doesn't cross our minds to get him a card. He's not our dad! Perhaps it's slightly different because he does have children of his own.

It's strange because I see my step-mum and step-dad as "parents" of ours - but I just don't see them in the mother or father role. They've played their own special role in our lives, but not mother or father... I'm happy to say "happy mother's day" to other mothers, and if I happen to speak to my step-dad around father's day, I wish him a nice time. But my step-mum is not a mother. She's been a parent, and why this is different I can't quite explain, but it is (to me anyway).

Sorry, waffling now... Don't worry OP, let it be your mother's issue. She'll get over it (or not)... I can see why you're peeved, but don't waste your time or energy worrying about her silliness.

Good luck! Oh and enjoy father's day with your dad

p_joker

I would feel just like you, my mum left my dad for another man, she didn't marry him but has been with him quite a while and it may seem over the top to most people but I don't have anything to do with him, we arnt even on speaking terms, you talk to your mums husband that's fine, but I can understand why you wouldn't get a fathers day card. Im very close to my dad me and my brother were left with him when my mum went off and I saw the pain my mum leaving caused. My husbands mother left my husbands dad when he was about 3 years old and she remarried twice and when I was expecting my 1st child they kept calling her husband "granddad" and I wasn't thrilled about that lol

ailuro2

I'd avoid the topic, to be honest, if she brings it up again ask her why you would ever be expected to buy a "father" card for a bloke that she ran off with during your formative years causing permanent emotional wounds not just for you but for another two young children also...

remind her she's lucky her offspring still talk to her and remind her not to push it as she's already got the best of both worlds - the bloke she ran off with AND her kids and grandkids.

Maybe I'm being harsh, but it sounds like she needs taking down a peg or two!

JournalGirl

The only thing I would suggest is to tell her 'no' now. Give her a call, explain that it's nothing against stepfather, after all you celebrated his birthday, but you don't feel a father's day card is appropriate, but you are letting her know now so that they are not expecting this, and upset by the absence. If she kicks off, just say that she must me making things worse for stepdad who would probably hate this fuss being made.

Frittered_Away

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

"Oh, sorry Mum, I asked DS to buy 'Paul' a card, he must have forgotten ..."

I am reminding my boys about Father's Day and their Dad's birthday, at regular intervals. Whether it will come to anything or not is another matter. DS1 didn't manage to get me a birthday card, despite his dad reminding him to do so. Fortunately he was free to meet me for lunch, and he paid! I pointed out that a 'useless piece of cardboard' (his description of greetings cards) would have been cheaper!!!

Oh I'm completely useless at deadlines and stuff. I got my mum a bunch of flowers a week after mothers day (and no card) and for my dad's birthday I got him a glass thing which he loves, but that was a few weeks after and no card! It doesn't mean I don't appreciate them, and there was lots of thought put into the presents (as my dad said, 'you do buy very thoughtful gifts') but it's the timekeeping I can't handle!

Besides, I think I'd rather have a nice lunch than a useless bit of cardboard