Hacked off being put on like this.

sassyblue

There are cards that are specifically for step-fathers if that helps, at least you'll be acknowledging he's not your dad.

I'd probably send one to keep the peace, you don't have an axe to grind with HIM, how does he feel about you as a person? Maybe it would mean much more to him than you think and this is what your mum means?

However, l do agree with you, you're not in the wrong you just have a demanding mother by the sounds of it (hope that doens't offend you - l have one too if it's any consolation!) x

tanith

I have empathy with both sides , my husband has been step-dad/grandad to my kids and grands for over 20yrs and never receives any acknowledgement on Fathers Day, he's never said a word but I know he would be so over the moon if they did send him a card on Fathers Day , he doesn't have any children of his own and considers mine as his always has done and they all love him to bits... but they do have another dad/grandad so I guess it might feel disloyal to their real dad .. so I do understand both sides of the dilemma .. as you do like your stepdad anyway would it be too hard to send him a stepdad card on fathers day cos I know if it were my hubby he'd have a tear in his eye..

*max*

My mum and step-dad have been together since I was 12, I love him to bits and respect him immensely....but I have to say, it's never even crossed my mind to get him a Father's day card!

Just don't do it, you don't want to and it wouldn't mean anything. I can't believe your mum would bully you into giving him a card; if anything, can she not see it would be humiliating for him if he ever found out you didn't want to (understandably)? Aaaaah families....

mummyroysof3

i get my stepdad a card and my stepmother one too, just a simple one that doesnt say much on it but i like to get them one and i know they like recieving one. i dont buy them a seperate one from the children though or a gift.

MrsAtobe

If you didn't like your mum's husband, I'd be sorely tempted to buy the worst card you can find, and then ask your mum for the money for it and any postage lol! This is a money saving forum after all.

But that is being childish, and you do like him so tell your mum toget stuffed.

SympathyForTheDevil

sassyblue wrote: »

There are cards that are specifically for step-fathers if that helps, at least you'll be acknowledging he's not your dad.

I'd probably send one to keep the peace, you don't have an axe to grind with HIM, how does he feel about you as a person? Maybe it would mean much more to him than you think and this is what your mum means?

However, l do agree with you, you're not in the wrong you just have a demanding mother by the sounds of it (hope that doens't offend you - l have one too if it's any consolation!) x

That's not what Mum meant, she wants me to get a card because she knows his kids won't get him one. If she thought they would, she wouldn't have asked me. That's not my problem though. He walked out on his family and because he got crap from his ex wife for a long time (if I were her I would have done the same!) contact with the kids fizzled out until his sons GF got in touch with me on facebook a couple of years ago.

Mum is peeved also because he didn't get anything from his son for his bday, but like I said to her, he didn't bother with his kids bdays for years after he left.

Me and him get on great, BUT he's not my Dad. I don't even think of him as a stepdad. He's just 'Paul' (not real name) to me. I have my own Dad which I love to bits.

Mum and her husband are to blame for the ruined relationship with his kids, so I shouldn't be made to feel guilty because of that.

There was so much crap when they went off together and deep down I'll never forgive her for that. She went swanning off and left me to pick up the pieces with my Dad and the house. I had to leave my job to look after my Dad because he was a mess. He even had to be sectioned twice because it got so bad and I was only 17 then.

Me and my Mum aren't close at all, I'm much closer to my Dad and that really p!sses her off. We're more like sisters really, if I can say that seeing as I've got no siblings so wouldn't know what a proper sister would be like.

misskaytee

Sadly i lost my Dad a 4 years back, but i've had a step dad since being around 9 years old.

Growing up and into adulthood both Dad & step dad did the dad type things that you really appreciate (sp) plumbing! come to look over cars, ect.
I only ever sent my Dad a fathers day card, my step dad got a blank card with a short note inside just thanking for all his love and support ect. I did decide to do this off my own back though, i certainly wouldn't be happy if i was told i had to do something like this, so i can see why your not happy.

I have 2 children, my partner is their step dad, he has been in their lives for 10 years, since they were 4 & 2 years old, they dont send him a card but do wish him a happy fathers day verbally, well usually ( teenage years are upon us now!) but do send their Dad a card, he's very much still a part of their lives.

My Partner has No children of his own, but he does get a happy fathers day card from the DOG! :rotfl:

meritaten

Your Mum and Stepfather obviously were deeply in love - and still are by the sounds of it. They risked everything to be together.
You describe him as a nice bloke - yet you dig your heels in about getting this 'nice bloke' a piece of card with a word on it. that word doesnt have to be dad - but grandad.
Sounds to me like your mum and dad have spent years paying the price for loving each other.
You havent accepted him - but do your kids see him as grandad - or do you insist they refer to him as 'grans husband'?
I actually feel sorry for your mum and even sorrier for her husband - it must have been hell trying to deal with all this resentment.
I cant help feeling that you are being very petty - buy the poor bloke a card even if it only says 'Thinking of you'.
I totally understand where your mum is coming from too - she loves him and you treat him like this - I would be mad too!
edit - you are quite right - you and your mum are NOT like sisters - not really friends either. you are still blaming her and your stepdad for breaking up thier marraiges and in particular for causing your dads breakdown. and making them pay for it.

ovoreo

I never bought my mum's husband a fathers day card. I'm not in touch with my father either so I generally forget about whole day. Of course I remember his birthday and he always gets a card. It is still quite an emotive issue for me and fundamentally he is not my dad. I have one of those, he abandoned me, enough said.

SympathyForTheDevil

meritaten wrote: »

Your Mum and Stepfather obviously were deeply in love - and still are by the sounds of it. They risked everything to be together.
You describe him as a nice bloke - yet you dig your heels in about getting this 'nice bloke' a piece of card with a word on it. that word doesnt have to be dad - but grandad.
Sounds to me like your mum and dad have spent years paying the price for loving each other.
You havent accepted him - but do your kids see him as grandad - or do you insist they refer to him as 'grans husband'?
I actually feel sorry for your mum and even sorrier for her husband - it must have been hell trying to deal with all this resentment.
I cant help feeling that you are being very petty - buy the poor bloke a card even if it only says 'Thinking of you'.
I totally understand where your mum is coming from too - she loves him and you treat him like this - I would be mad too!

Hang on, it's FATHER'S DAY, not Grandad's Day.

My Dad doesn't get a Grandad card on Father's day, so why would I buy anyone else one?!

I accepted him a long time ago, we all did, including my Dad!

My son sees him as Grandad, but again, it's not Grandad's day is it?

If Mum loves him so much, she wouldn't stick her oar in when it comes to her husband and his son would she?

You might feel sorry for them both, because the poor guy won't get a Father's Day card but that's what happens when Dad's walk out on their small children and don't bother with them!

I bother on his bday, I bother at Christmas, but this is the one day of the year, which is about MY Dad and nobody else!

edit - you are quite right - you and your mum are NOT like sisters - not really friends either. you are still blaming her and your stepdad for breaking up thier marraiges and in particular for causing your dads breakdown. and making them pay for it.

Oh my word, you know nothing at all LOL!

This isn't about payback for what happened, this is because Mum knows how close I am to my Dad and feels bad for her husband because he isn't close to his children when it comes to Father's Day, but whose fault is that?!

Not mine is it?