SAHM paying off debts slowly

slm6002

Hi all, was paid later on in the day and have now moved monies to other pots. After the end of the year they were all looking fairly empty, but hopefully they will fill up soon.

School dinners going down ok, although DS chose cauliflower cheese the other day even though he doesn't like cauliflower! He came home hungry as had only eaten pudding. I guess he will learn. Other 2 liking most things they have tried.

Am exhausted, house is a tip and fridge is almost empty. Oh well half day tomorrow so perhaps I can get some bits sorted.

New lady started at work and remembered me from school. She called me by my maiden name and I corrected her to my married name. Got me thinking. Do people go back to maiden names? I quite like the idea as doesn't tie me into his family - don't mind him, but his family I could escape from lol, but then kids would have different name to me. Might give it a bit more thought.

OK am off to load dishwasher and then off for early night

Eager_Elephant

You are doing well slm

Personally I am not going back, I have spent half my life with my married name and as you say the children and you would then have different surnames.

I have no bad feeling around my married surname so I am going to keep mine

slm6002

Thank you - not sure I am doing well - still cant stop bursting into tears if someone asks how I am or it pops into my head.

Still plenty of time to decide on name. Busy few weeks ahead and lots to sort.

slm6002

So tired. I was supposed to spend my afternoon at home doing so much but have been on sofa. Really wanted to snooze but know I need to do the school run and don't trust myself to wake up with alarm.

Its really wet and windy here and I am not looking forward to school run. Oh well will get up and get sorted - find my wellies!

Honeysucklelou2

Re names, I have both now. I couldn't bear to just be known by the name if someone who had caused so much hurt but equally didn't want a completely different name to my children so using maiden and married names has worked for me.

Have you any hobbies, perhaps lapsed hobbies, that you could pursue when the children are with their dad? I tend to walk or garden more but then mine are only away for a few hours at a time, if they are taken out.

slm6002

Feeling emotional today. Not sure why other than the obvious situation. Just want to curl up in a ball and be allowed to cry without anyone around. Not been possible today. Had to go to work all day, and its my birthday so everyone wanting me to be happy and chirpy. DD1 bought me some chocolates and my favourite flowers as OH hadn't sorted anything out. Prior to him saying he was leaving he was so thoughtful over any anniversary of any kind. Today - nothing. Not even wished my happy birthday. Its not that I expect it I really don't, but it would have been nice if my 14 year old hadn't have had to use her own money to get me something. Its how he has gone from so caring and loving one day and the next we are strangers. It truly did happen overnight. Really getting me down. I've been trying to stay practical to keep mind off emotions but not coping. Think I am going to go to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow. Night everyone

Honeysucklelou2

A change in circumstances like this can be seen as a type of grief and just as when you lose someone the "firsts" ( first birthday / Christmas /anniversary ) are always a particular hurdle to get over. Seeing it as a type of grief ( and reading other people's diaries of similar situations) helped to reassure me that it is ok to grieve . Be kind to yourself. Thinking of you...

Eager_Elephant

Honeysuckle has it right, a marriage breakup is a type of grief and you need to go with the ebbs and flows, some days will be harder than others and no matter how you feel it is the right way to feel for you. Please stop trying to hide your emotions, no good ever comes of people who cant express how they are feeling. Do you have some friends you can rant to? Or feel free to rant on here.

Have a look at the 7 or 10 stages of grief, its really interesting and you will be able to see where you are in the stages and know that eventually the good days outweigh the bad.

I'm sorry he didn't get anything for your birthday, I think he could have got something that the kids could give you but not all men think like that.

slm6002

Told the younger 2 last night and my family today. Very supportive and equally shocked at how long this has been on OH's mind and no one has noticed a thing.

OH very moody this evening as I asked him to move boxes out of the kitchen as I couldn't move in there. This obviously translates into get every single bit of your belongings from the whole house (including loft) out tonight. I know he is probably stressed as well but I don't need that on top of everything else that's going on at the moment. I told his nan what was going on as she pretty much raised him. She wasn't impressed and I guess I am in the dog house for making him have to speak and explain everything to her. She says I need to talk to him, but he is blanking me so finding it very hard. He also thinks I am hiding money from him as I can afford to get leaking tap fixed. Told him if I have lots of money stashed away, I would not be getting benefits. Another very emotional and exhausting day x

slm6002

Ok I am back and trying to work out new layout on here lol. Its been a busy few weeks with lots going on in my mind.  OH has now left and we are trying to move on.  Kids spent last weekend with him at his new place and went ok apart from him turning up late, power cut for most of the day and him sleeping all afternoon on Sunday!  Kids didn't have much to do so I have suggested they put some bags together to keep there - they have plenty of toys and games so wont miss a few if left there.  I have done my best to tell them that daddy must have been tired and hopefully next time we wont be in the middle of a storm so they can venture out and have power on their return.
Trying to sort out divorce as it looks like its going to be down to me to sort.  I need OH off mortgage so I can move on without the risk of him racking up the debts again.  I am possibly going to inherit some money soon and don't want him to have the money either.  That's the problem going round in my head currently.  Benefits could stop if money I get is too much.  Would put it towards house or paying OH off, but benefits people can not confirm if this is allowed, until it has happened, and then if not allowed its too late and my benefits would stop, and I would not be able to afford mortgage!  If I don't get the money I cant pay him off or move to new house, because if I sell this house and divvy up equity, there wont be enough money left to buy anywhere else.  It also looks like the small scrap of land behind house is now going to be built on so nice selling point of great parking will no longer be applicable and value of house reduced.   Move, don't move. Head so full at the moment as well as coping with mine and kids emotions.  Had to talk to  DS school as he was not coping the other day.  They have given him quiet space for a few days in the hope he can work things through.  Bless him he is worried OH wont cope financially as he buys all the wrong things in shops, like brand name things rather than supermarket own brand.  Told DS he needed to tell him when they go shopping to try the cheaper ones like mummy buys!  He's a proper moneysaving expert,  Fingers crossed he still thinks this way when he is old enough to live alone.