SAHM paying off debts slowly

slm6002

Ok so one of the girls at work has been brave and finally asked the question we've all wanted the answer to, as information wasn't forth coming!  I am not at work tomorrow or Tuesday.  The rest of the week who knows, she will let us know later in the week.  At least I have been able to let the school know now and tell the kids whats planned for the day

Humdinger1

Dear SLM,
I'm full of admiration for you and the way you're tackling this.  Re EH, is it worth talking to your solicitor?  These are difficult times but something must be poss.   Surely he should be self isolating? Love Humdinger x 

slm6002

I'm full of admiration for you and the way you're tackling this.  Re EH, is it worth talking to your solicitor?  These are difficult times but something must be poss.   Surely he should be self isolating? 

Thank you I just get on with things day by day.  It almost feels like he is just at work,  as he used to be away for week at a time.  On that subject he is getting a new job where he is on the road again for the week.  I thought he was in his perfect job where he could play with cars and got to race.  I really don't think he knows what he wants.  It makes me sad that he obviously thought I was the problem, but the more I hear and see it looks like its just the fact he is depressed.  If that's the case he needs someone round to support him, and I would have.  Anyway he has made his choice.

Not sure if I mentioned it yesterday, but it looks like he could be homeless too soon as it looks like all holiday parks are sending customers home.  Well he lives on a holiday park (longterm contract but a holiday home non the less).  Also with Maccy D's shutting down he will be hungry.  I still see his bank statements and between that and Greggs that's it.  I am hoping he will self isolate very soon but at the moment work is carrying on as long as it can providing they are not ill.

Ok off to wake kids for first official day of homeschooling.  Wish me luck x

slm6002

Well so much has happened even though due to virus nothing has happened.
OH is started off being fairly polite but has now turned and it just rude and mean towards me.  He is so angry and I am still not completely sure why as he wont tell me.  I did get out of him that I ignored him when he lived here and I was demanding.  I may have been demanding in looking for his attention for some kind of closeness as I felt unloved at points but never asked him to do a lot (DIY or kid related bits sort of demanding tasks).  Surely me wanting attention from him is not ignoring him either.  I truly believe his head really ether does not know or he is trying to get me to hate him so its easier when he moves in with someone (possibly who he was always texting).
He has just bought a puppy for several thousand pounds and is treating it like another child.  Don't mind but it looks like his actual children have been forgotten.  He did come round after they begged him to (social distancing), but then I was accused of babysitting them while he was there so he couldn't talk to them.  I was only there for first 10 min and most of the time talking to another neighbour (who incidentally has been blanking me since OH left - he told them his story, and they clearly believe I am a horrid person).  He stayed for a good hour and a half at the end of the drive.  His family have also started appearing out of the woodwork and contacting eldest DD via social media.  DD has asked them why they haven't bothered to contact us until now.  They didn't really have an answer other than they were going through tough times.  She is not fooled and knows its because they don't like me.  
I sound so bitter but he is not making it easy to like him at the moment.  I have contacted child maintenance people as the mortgage people have said they would prefer something a bit more official in place so it will count towards any application I make.  OH will be angry in 7-10 days as it will mean he will need to pay more money over.  Currently paying 80 ish but will need to pay more like 120.  Over this virus time he became the security for work and slept in the yard,  He was being 1000 a week, yet he has no extra funds in his account for 8 or 9 weeks of this.  Its crazy.  
He is also still using this address for loans and official paperwork as I am pretty sure he shouldn't be using his holiday home as a permenant residence (as he doesn't pay council tax for living there and is possibly not supposed to be used for full time living).    I am worried that finances he is linking to the house will become bad as I know what he is like.  I can already see they loan search on my credit report.  Really hoping he hasn't put my name down too.  My credit score has improved lately and I would love to keep it where it needs to be.
Divorce papers are awaiting his signature but he doesn't appear to be any hurry here.  I need to complete the financial paperwork for it, but I need to decide if I will sell house or not.  I know I am getting some money from mum but they don't want to do this until everything has been finalised.
Sorry the random rants its just good to get thoughts down on paper as its just going round in circles in my head.  If you have made it this far well done. xx

slm6002

Ok well I am feeling fairly please with myself as I have completed a DIY task in the past few days.  It may sound very simple, but until now I have never had to do anything like this as my dad or OH would have done them.  I have hung a picture, removed some very sturdy rawplugs from a wall and then filled the holes.  I just need to sand them down and paint the wall to make it look like new.  as I say very small things but I did it.  Today amazon should be delivering my new valve flapper thing for the toilet.  It has been leaking for so long.  I you tubed how to mend it and it looks fairly simple.  Will see if I can solve the leak (hopefully not making it worse) and save a ton of water and therefore money.

Kitten868

I may not remember right but didn't you finance most of the house? With an inheritance from a grandparent? The house is mainly yours, isn't it? Also its much cheaper to stay put if you can. 
Sorry he's being a pain. It's much easier to turn you into a villain then take stock of his real demons. Keep reminding yourself this is not about you. You didn't do anything wrong. This is about him. You've even said it yourself but I know it doesn't help when you're feeling down. 
Keep your head up xxx

slm6002

Hi there, yes I purchase the house before we got together with the proceeds of my previous house.  The solicitor said that due to the length of our marriage and the fact that he was put onto the house deeds 5 years in when we remortgaged (as I was then on maternity leave and not enough income to get a mortgage alone) he is in theory entitled to half of everything.  I did not like this solicitor and she wasn't even aware of what universal credits were.  As soon as i said i was on them she informed me i would need to get a job and  start looking at a smaller house to buy - I have a job and not sure all 3 kids would like to share a room! Anyway I am not telling him what she has said and I don't believe that it is fair.  I did pay off our debts with my grandmothers inheritance a few years back and the majority although not all were his debts that I took on.  He obviously kept quiet about not loving me at this point in time!
I have drafted what I would like based on some of the information the solicitor  has provided and some information that I have read via several websites.  I am asking for my deposit back from the house and then 75% of the rest of the equity in it.  I will let him have his pensions (i dont have a pension currently)and 25% of the equity.  After this is signed I will have no further access to his money, assets or debts and vice versa.  All financial connections will be cut.  We don't have any large savings and certainly no joint bank accounts so we will keep what's in our own names.  I would like to put somewhere in the deal that I can decide on the children's schooling as I was made to send them to a school I have no confidence in.  It is too late for DD but DS would benefit from moving to another school.  It is a subject that has always caused friction but I always went along with his wishes.  Not sure if I put it in the agreement, it might slow down the process of getting it all signed off and me getting the house into my name, and to be honest that is the most important bit to get done at the moment.  I think my mum is happy to lend me his 25% that I will need to pay him off, as she is also very aware of the damage he could cause to my finances if he is here too much longer.
I have redone my will and just need the second signature once lockdown makes it easier to get out, so if anything happens the kids get my share of things.  Pretty sure he will not have even thought to have done this as yet.
Another DIY success is that I mended my leaking toilet.  It was really easy and only cost about £5 for the part.  Wish I had looked into it earlier.  I could have saved a fortune on wasted water.
Anyway I am off for a shower and bed.  I hope everyone has a good week

Honeysucklelou2

Well done  on getting the DIY task done...I appreciate your victory...my ex used to do the DIY stuff but everything so learn to do now, I count as a victory!

slm6002

I have sandpapered the filler in the bathroom wall all ready for painting, and every time I flush the toilet I grin with happiness.  Not done much else other than home schooling yesterday or this morning.  I have been told our preschool will not open until 6th of July at the earliest - Not sure there is much point then as only a few weeks until the summer break.  Oh well I will do as I have been told, and at least I can keep my kids home with me.  As I always do each night I check my bank account balance just in case I need to move money over to avoid charges.  I hadn't twigged it was the 1st June yesterday even though I knew it was.  When I logged onto bank account I had a brief minute of panic as to where my money had gone lol.  Still plenty in there but mortgage and other bills had gone out.  Nearly payday and I believe I am still on full pay as we've not been told otherwise.  Plan on moving money into the different pots - you never know we may get our caravan holiday so need some spending money for that and obviously I have pots for all other regular spendings like Christmas and vets bills, so I can top those up. 
We have not left our garden now for 74 days.  Who would ever have thought that would happen.  Neither myself or the children are that bothered really and we have everything we need right here.  I did say we would go to my dads for a BBQ on sunday, but it will be into car straight there and straight home again.  No stopping along the way.  He has a granny flat attached to his house and we can access it from outside so I have suggested if we need the toilet we use that one and they stay in their half of the house.  Neither of us have been out so I guess in theory we should all be safe but we don't want to put anyone at risk if not needed. 

slm6002

Well school work completed and fairly up to date with this now.  Waiting for the teachers to pile on a whole lot more as it looks quite empty and kids think they have got it easy for the rest of the week - I doubt it and expect more to be added shortly.
Dad popped round with a stool that I had requested from out of the shed. Stayed at a distance although closer than most have gotten to us in the past however many weeks.  Waiting for Mr A to deliver our food for the week.  
I have also started a free Open University course today that is linked to MSE.  I have got through the first part.  I am hoping to learn something from it.  I did a 'childrens play' free one yesterday for work (as boss wants us to learn while we are not doing anything else).  I don't really need the ones relating to the children for my job as such but I guess it wont do any harm.  I get a digital badge for doing it and a certificate of participation to print off.
The cats are malting like mad and wondering if there is anything I can do other than brushing them frequently.  Will have a google in a bit.  I am also trying to find a nice idea of a piece of art that me and the kids can make to frame and put in the hallway (to replace coat of arms as I intend to go back to maiden name at the end of the process, plus not my kind of thing).  I have seen a few on crafty selling sites but figured we are crafty enough to make our own if I can get the right idea.  Had to turn radio off at one point because a certain song came on and just reminds me too much of OH.  I started to cry so thought the best way was to turn it off and wait.  Then I got a text from best friend.  Her mum has been rush to hospital with heart problems.  Taken by ambulance and then helicopter, so must be really bad.  They are now waiting to find out where she has been taken.  Just want to round and hug her but not allowed.  I am worried for them all.  Bit of a strange mood day all round really. And the sun has gone which always makes things feel better