SAHM paying off debts slowly

slm6002

Evening all.  Its half term at last.  Been needing this.  Kids off to OH again this weekend but got to get through their club first and apparently OH is going to be watching too.  He is still not wanting to speak to me.  No idea what I have done wrong as it was him that left and I have done nothing but go along with everything he has wanted yet I am still the bad guy.  I am paying for solicitors to get divorce and giving him half of the house.  What more can i do? Don't want to rant to friends as they are all enjoying romantic night with their OH's so i'm afraid you get it instead - sorry.
My sister is coming to visit to make sure I am ok and we're off shopping - don't get to do this without kids much now i'm at work and i'm looking forward to it.  Got to not spend too much but have a list of things I was hoping to get.  Expect I may get treated to lunch and coffee.  Will leave you all to your romantic nights,  Thanks for listening

dawnybabes

Perhaps now reality set in hes thinking omg ! 

slm6002

dawnybabes said:

Perhaps now reality set in hes thinking omg ! 

I cant help him though.  Sure his 'friend' he has been texting for the past number of years can help him.  Unless she is no longer his 'friend' as he is kinda single.  Very interested to see if he got a card today, but don't want to get kids to spy on him as not putting them in the middle anymore than they have to be.  He is already texting DD1 to see what times he needs to be here for for collection.  Text me and arrange things please OH!

Kitten868

Wow things have turned around for you since I last caught up with you. You poor, poor lady. I'm so sorry. I can't think of words or anything I could say that would be of comfort. I would say though I watched that marriage story on Netflix the other day and it was really enlightening. For me it was about how different your life is when you don't have to compromise. When you have to build a new life for just you and your children you only factor you in it. And its hard and you want to keep making those compromises for him but you can't live like that. Theres more but I'm sure I've already totally misunderstood it enough. I really enjoyed it and it made me cry. I know you're not there yet but I think you should watch it. And do things at your pace don't rush to do what you think he wants you to do. 
I think it might be worth getting some legal help on the inheritance thing. Could they pay the inheritance directly into the mortgage to clear it and to your ex to buy him out? So it was never paid to you? Also worst case scenario it would impact your benefits for one year. So you'd have to pay back benefits you've received this year but if you used all the money in that year then the following year you would have benefit income again. 

Keep your pecker up. You're amazing and lovely. And that dark cloud will get smaller and smaller xxx

slm6002

Kitten868 thank you for your kind words or encouragement.  It really is amazing how quick things changed.  If we had not got on or had been drifting apart or arguing all the time, i could have understood about him wanting to leave, but there was nothing different or wrong as far as I knew.  I will have a look for that show and see if it will help.  Managed to have a 2 min conversation with him today but really he had not choice as I just started talking to him whist standing in front of him so he had nowhere to go lol.  I hope the kids are having a better time with him this weekend.

Kitten868

Men are odd creatures. The way they fall in love and feel love is different to us. We have to grieve even if he was horrible and we knew the relationship was going nowhere, they just wake up one day feeling differently and that's it. It's not your fault and you haven't done anything wrong. I know completely how you feel and how you're second guessing every thing you've ever done or said. 
I hope they're having a better weekend too. You've packed them up better resourced and it's not the first time this time. They'll get there. 
Why don't you move the bedroom around to how you wanted it? Take the space over for yourself? Those sorts of things work for me xxx

slm6002

Well we are all off on a road trip today as the kids have a match.  So we will be stuck in the car and at match for a good number of hours.  I wont really be able to discuss the things I need to but might get him to fix a time and day for us to talk without kids ears listening!  So far I've had a very relaxing morning even if I was still awake at normal time.  Have had a bacon butty and time on sofa in pjs, and I am shortly going to have a nice hot shower.  Think my dad is popping by soon as well so I must get up and moving.  Kits are ready for kids later but need to get snacks and drinks together, pump up tyres on car and check the oil etc before journey.  Have a great day everyone - smiles on faces  

slm6002

Well yesterday went really well. Kids did well at match and all had a fantastic time even if exhausted when getting home at almost 11pm. OH acted like we are still together - he really is good at acting.  If I hadn't been through all this since November I would have know no difference.  Anyway it made it a nice day out and I think the kids appreciated us both being their to support them. 
I did get 5 min to talk through settlement.  I mentioned that if he waits for inheritance when my parents go they will probably change their wills so he gets nothing so its probably best to just take his half of the equity in the house - previously he wasn't impressed with this idea as it wasn't enough!  I think he then realised that that is the best way to go.  He also agreed that its better if we sort it out as it will be cheaper to get the divorce that way.
Anyway were going to have a fairly relaxed first day of the holidays after yesterday being so busy and long.  Got meeting later at ours so some cleaning will be required and an early dinner before everyone gets here.
Have a great day everyone

slm6002

Wow what a lot has changed in just over a month, both personally and worldwide.
I am still waiting to hear if I will be working this week and if the kids will need to go to school.  I am hoping not to have to leave the house for the foreseeable future and living in our own little bubble.  I have yet to discuss with OH the probability that he will not get to have the children every other weekend as yet.  He is still working and going around in germs.  If we are safe in our house and I don't need to work, I don't feel as if I can send them to him.  I am sure he will not see this in such a sensible way, but I don't want to risk it.  I have food, doubt he has as lives on takeaways still and only shops when he collects kids.  They buy enough for the weekend and that's it.  I have a little stock from  my Brexit no deal days.  I haven't panic bought but as I had prepared up till xmas.  In fact I have barely set foot in a supermarket.  I do have an asda delivery on Tuesday for fresh food but not sure what will actually arrive.

I have set up kitchen table ready for school work (should we be staying home).  I have put a pillowcase over the back of each chair to keep each childs paperwork and bits and bobs in, rather than them fighting over  table space.  Its working well.  They have been playing in the garden and enjoying the good weather.  Lots of washing has been done too and dried on the line,  Love line dried clothes.

I still haven't started the divorce proceedings as yet because I was hoping to sort out financial split first.  OH has been too busy to sit and discuss various issues (including school bits - guessing not an issue at the moment).  I know if I write it all down he will go away to his other woman (who he is still denying) and she will tell him ask for more (even though he is getting a very fair deal).  Need to get it all started as he has already taken out a £6,000 loan.  He has bought a car with it and al the insurance and log books have my address on rather than his.  I read somewhere that because his caravan can not be permanent residency they have to provide an alternative permanent address so he is using my address by the looks of it.  I don't  think I can stop him until mortgage no longer in his name.  Worried council tax or benefits people will think he is living here and take away benefits for being a single mum.  Need him off mortgage asap.  Alsowith that I am now faced with possible minimum payments as I don't earn enough for SSP from work.  Might get something if boss lets government pay 80% but who knows with her.  I can also see her shutting up shop all together.  Not great if im applying for mortgage on my own.  Also because I'm only paying interest only for mortgage its around £150 per month (up until OH I was paying extra towards capital but stopped as I don't want him benefitting from me paying).  When I get new mortgage I will need to go to a repayment mortgage and it work out about £550.  If I loose my job or wages for a while I can still afford to pay the £150, but I wouldn't be able to afford the £550.  So confusing.  I shouldn't moan though as I know others out there are in a much worse position.  

Keep safe everyone, and stay in if you can x

slm6002

As I also don't have OH to keep car in good order can I ask on here.  If I am allowed to stay home for our safety I will not be using my car.  I don't want it not to work in however many months pass.  How often should I start it up, and for how long?  Might sound sill but for the past 15+ years ive had OH to look after my cars and prior to that my dad did it.  Bit of a learning curve for me.