Boyfriend help

Nottoobadyet

The weird thing to me is that he expects you to submit to a level of snooping that he isnt comfortable with himself. Sounds like he should be on his way to the curb anyway.

RadoJo

To be honest, I don't think it's so much whether you show your OH your messages or give each other your passwords or not, so long as you both have the same standards of privacy. Nobody can tell you how it should work in your relationship, but if one of you wants to see the other's messages but isn't prepared to show their own, it's a sure fire sign that they are operating on different wavelengths. It's all very well to say that you do it one way or another, but nobody here has said that they give their OH unlimited access to their phone and computer but aren't allowed the same privilege in return, and that's the important thing here.

OP - you sound as though you are ready to ditch this guy, and from what you've written here it sounds as though it is probably the right thing to do for you - if you don't trust him then that's enough. Presumably he would be aware that trust is an issue for you after his previous behaviour, but instead of going out of his way to make you feel secure and loved and showing you that he has changed, he is acting in a way that is making you feel suspicious and concerned and is showing no signs of even understanding why this has given you cause to feel hurt. He should have apologised and reassured you, but he blamed you as though there was no reason for you to feel like that, when of course it's going to bring up some of the bad feelings from your past. Even if he has done nothing 'wrong' online, he's acting cruelly by failing to acknowledge that his actions were suspicious and making out as though you are in the wrong. I hope it goes well with whatever you decide - just from your posts on this thread you sound like you could do a LOT better...

diable

I don't expect my GF to want to know all my login details to emails and social networking sites and I don't need to know hers, we are on Sh1tBook together but thats about it. The only worry I would have is she found out that I am a bigger idiot then what she thinks I am with some of the idiotic and stupid comments and posts that I make ;o)))

Trust is needed in a relationship if you don't have that then there is no relationship, the main problem in this day and age is that people hang on to hope and the thought people can change or the fear of moving on.

justanotherregularuser

RadoJo wrote: »

To be honest, I don't think it's so much whether you show your OH your messages or give each other your passwords or not, so long as you both have the same standards of privacy. Nobody can tell you how it should work in your relationship, but if one of you wants to see the other's messages but isn't prepared to show their own, it's a sure fire sign that they are operating on different wavelengths. It's all very well to say that you do it one way or another, but nobody here has said that they give their OH unlimited access to their phone and computer but aren't allowed the same privilege in return, and that's the important thing here.

Thanks that's exactly what i was trying to say. It's not about having his log in details it's about his reaction.

OP - you sound as though you are ready to ditch this guy, and from what you've written here it sounds as though it is probably the right thing to do for you - if you don't trust him then that's enough. Presumably he would be aware that trust is an issue for you after his previous behaviour, but instead of going out of his way to make you feel secure and loved and showing you that he has changed, he is acting in a way that is making you feel suspicious and concerned and is showing no signs of even understanding why this has given you cause to feel hurt. He should have apologised and reassured you, but he blamed you as though there was no reason for you to feel like that, when of course it's going to bring up some of the bad feelings from your past. Even if he has done nothing 'wrong' online, he's acting cruelly by failing to acknowledge that his actions were suspicious and making out as though you are in the wrong. I hope it goes well with whatever you decide - just from your posts on this thread you sound like you could do a LOT better...

He hasn't mentioned it since he got home. He text me from work saying he's having a bad time of it there and can't deal with arguments with me on top.

warehouse

Reading between the lines I'd say you and your boyfriend are too immature to have a serious relationship with anyone.

justanotherregularuser

Really? Why do you think that?

Lilybeth

Do other halves (men and women) not realise that its the secrecy and the lies that breed the suspicion... maybe you wont like what you see/hear initially but the lies and stupid behaviour is what then causes the mis trust ... and then the on-going insecurity!...open and honest is surely the way forward!!

make_me_wise

justanotherregularuser wrote: »

I the jokingly said let me look at yours now see what secrets you have. The look on his face was a picture. :eek: So i pushed a bit more and insisted that he log in and let me look. He really didn't want to and tried to tell me that he couldn't remember his password etc but eventually he did log in.

He reluctantly showed me a few of the messages at the top and then closed the page and refused to go back saying he'd shown me what i wanted to see.

He didn't log out though and later on i reopened the page and managed to read his messages. There was nothing there to worry me at all and if he'd just have shown me in the first place then there wouldn't have been a problem.

We've just spoken now and he said he was worried about messages that other people had sent him coming on to him. So i said that would have been fine because he would of course have being saying thanks but no thanks. :rotfl::mad: Now he's turning it all on me and saying that i don't trust him and that he does so much for me i should just leave him alone etc and got angry with me.

If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't have been a bit bothered about you reading his messages. He has obviously deleted things he didn't wnat you to see.

How old is he? Only he is acting like a little teenager who has been caught out up to no good and is kicking back and tantruming.

Dump him and find a real man is my advice.

justanotherregularuser

That's what i think too, if there was nothing to worry about he wouldn't have reacted the way he did. He's 38 by the way so not a teenager.

Lilybeth

you sound like you are tired of it all ... time to give up fighting for a bloke thats seriously not worth it ... he will be the lonely one!

good luck with it all you will trust again ;-))