babys ears pierced

mumof3kids

i know exactly how you feel op, when my daughter was 4 days old my MIL paraded her around in front of her friends and stuck a cola bottle (you know the really fizzy, tangy ones?) into her mouth!
i told her not to do that please as politely as i could without losing my temper and she replied "well it didn't do any of my 3 any harm!".
you are her mother and what you say goes in your house. my MIL has learned to back off over the years but 2 kids later i still have to remind her that i am their parent not her!
mumof3

Tigsteroonie

Can I just add another :eek: :eek: :eek: to this thread? Our opinion is that you have in NO way over-reacted, in fact you have under-reacted compared to what we'd do!

If it were me, I'd never allow my child(ren) to be alone in her presence again.

barbiedoll

You're definitely going to need to watch MIL. If she's the sort who has her eyebrows waxed and then has your baby daughter's ears pierced "on the spur of the moment", she'll be the type who will be making comments about your daughter being "fat" when she starts to fill out later on. And she'll probably be buying her make-up, push-up bras and high heels and dragging her off for fake tans and bikini waxes as soon as she can walk.

Hope today went ok. Money or not, she doesn't have the right to make this sort of decision about your baby. And don't let her get your son's hair cut either, it's not her job. Cheeky mare!

make_me_wise

How did the lunch go for your FIL OP?. I really hope it wasn't a horrid, stressed out affair. I am interested to know what he is like actually. You obviously hold him in quite high regard, in as much as you were willing to go celebrate his birthday despite what his wife has done to your baby. Does he know what has gone on and how it has made you feel? He could be the saviour of all this if he gets on your side.

I fear he may be a long suffering partner of your mil though, who has probably learned to hold his tongue and let her carry on with her awful ways, just to keep the peace.

mich13x

Just an update on how today went -

We arrived and she was her usual self fussing over the baby andjust generally being loud. After that was by and i wished FIL a happy birthday i followed her to the dining room to help set up and have a talk with her.

I stayed calm and explained why i was so upset and how i felt she had been completely out of line, she got very defensive saying that im always picking at the things she does for the children ( i previously annoyed her when i said i didnt want my daughter to wear the bandeau style bikini she bought her for the pool i prefer an all in one style), she got all hysterical which made OH and FIL come into the room. FIL knew nothing about the day befores events as she hadnt bothered telling him, he was furious when i explained what happened and told her she had no right and that was a disgusting thing to do to such a young baby.

MIL then backtracked a little, apologised and said "lets not spoil the day" which of course i didnt want to do so we left it at that.

I wont be letting her have the children on her own from now on though, until at least i feel she can be trusted again.

Oh and MIL also confirmed that she signed a form at the salon to have the piercing done, saying that she was my daughters guardian.

make_me_wise

mich13x wrote: »

she got all hysterical which made OH and FIL come into the room. FIL knew nothing about the day befores events as she hadnt bothered telling him, he was furious when i explained what happened and told her she had no right and that was a disgusting thing to do to such a young baby.

MIL then backtracked a little, apologised and said "lets not spoil the day" which of course i didnt want to do so we left it at that.

She shot herself in the foot there with her own arrogance didn't she. Sounds like your FIL is very grounded and handy to have around. Actually speaks volumes that MIL hadn't mentioned this to him. She knew damm well he wouldn't approve or back her stupid behaviour.

I hope that she may reign in this attitude now. Your FIL wont want her doing anything that could jeopardise their contact with his grandaughter. I wasn't allowed to see one set of grandparents when I was growing up due to the way my gran treated my mother. It wasn't till she died that I finally formed a relationship with my grandad. We knew each other for just 5 years in the end. He was lovely and we were very close, I have very mixed feelings about the years we lost. If you decide to reduce your MIL contact at anytime may I urge you to leave the door wide open for your FIL. Being cut off from extended family is damaging to a kid. I am sure you will do whatever is best for your little girl, you come across as a great mum OP

minimoneysaver

I wonder where you stand legally with the forms signed for the piercing? Surely that would be classed as assult? My guess is you could take it further if you so wished.

meritaten

I have never ever seen a 7 page thread where every single poster is in agreement!!!
and I am not about to change that!
I am a MIL and a grandma to six gorgeous grandkids and try very very hard not to 'take over'! my mum used to do it to me and i hated it! i didnt want my young son to have a bicycle as I live near a very busy main road - mum overuled me and bought and gave son his bike when I wasnt around! But, I wouldnt let him bring it home - I made her keep it at her house and he could ride it up there.
I wouldnt dream of even trimming the kids fringes without phoning mum to check its ok!
as for peircing the babies years - is the woman out of her mind?
I would be calling in at the salon and asking to see the consent form. if they cannot produce it then they have broken the law. if she did sign the form as guardian or parent - inform them that she was NOT either and that they are not allowed to touch the grandchildren in any way - haircuts peircings even a manicure and if they do you will be suing them! my bet is they know MIL well and took her word she had permission to get the babies ears peirced. Put them on notice that MIL does not have the authority for this!

How did FILs birthday dinner go? OK? I would have stayed home with the little one and let OH handle it.

Flower08

mich13x wrote: »

J

Oh and MIL also confirmed that she signed a form at the salon to have the piercing done, saying that she was my daughters guardian.

:eek::eek:No way have you over-reacted!

I havent read the whole thread, but for what its worth I dont think you have over-reacted at all. I think babies having their ears pierced is awful and if my MIL were to do that to my baby I dont think I would be able to control my temper!

I think you are making the absolutle right decision with regards to not letting her have the children unsupervised until she has proved she can be trusted again.

flashnazia

I think some answers need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Talk of 'waiting for the day she drops down dead' and 'take this further as it could be assault' are not helpful.

My MIL did the same thing btw. She is a nice person and didn't so it to spite me. She just thinks there is nothing wrong with piercing a baby girls ears that's all.

Although it is serious, blowing this thing up will not help. It may even affect the OPs marriage.

The MIL sounds like the sort of person who would not react well to angry words anyway. And whatever happens she will always be the partner's mum - nothing you can do about that I'm afraid, so starting a war with her isn't going to help.

Sounds like the FIL is a sensible person. Be sensible and you can deal with this. Rage and getting on a high horse rarely helps.