Family bereavement - no closure

patchwork_cat

meritaten wrote: »

half - step - makes no difference - she is lying. she cannot know for certain that her father is dead if she spoke to him the day before (if that is true). even if he told her to move money after he died - legally she should not do that!
there is no evidence that this man left the country as yet! for all we know he could be stashed in SILs spare room! far fetched? yes, but so is her story!
as far is the OP is concerned her FIL is missing feared dead - the police could find out in hours whether he left the country entered another country etc.
I quite honestly dont understand why they are taking the SILs word for everything? they dont have the best of relationships and she appears to have taken money she isnt entitled to - yet they dont want to 'open a can of worms'? is there something we dont know? if it had been me I wouldnt have waited for creditors to come calling - and I certainly wouldnt be vacillating about going to the police! I would want to KNOW - is he dead or isnt he? because there is no proof of death here. and if I remember it right a person has to missing for at least 7 years before you can apply to the court to have him declared deceased and his estate to be administered.

The only reason I picked up on the half daughter is that there have been A LOT of made up threads on marriages board lately and it was one thing that the OP didn't know the terminology or realtionship and having a number of step and half siblings I know exactly the relationships.

It was one thing among many that made me feel that this story was made up. If not made up certainly not as innocent as the OP is making out, the fraud implications are immense.

This is a no brainer the OP needs to go to the police and it doesn't need a 4 page thread to know that. Crikey.

Broomstick

Even more seriously, a person has allegedly gone missing, presumed dead, in very odd circumstances.

Regardless of the truth/partial truth of the OP's story and whether she or her OH have gone to the police themselves, I'm curious as to whether the board owners have any responsibility to let the police know about all of this anyway? Just wondering...

whitewing

Broomstick wrote: »

Even more seriously, a person has allegedly gone missing, presumed dead, in very odd circumstances.

Regardless of the truth/partial truth of the OP's story and whether she or her OH have gone to the police themselves, I'm curious as to whether the board owners have any responsibility to let the police know about all of this anyway? Just wondering...

I once reported a thread to the police, as I was concerned about the OP. I did not post on the thread that I had reported it.

I found the non-emergency number for my local police (even though I thought the OP lived in a different area) and called them and gave them the details. I did give my real name and address too.

They asked me to also report the post via the usual forum reporting procedure, as they would be contacting MSE.

The OP updated the thread so I knew that help was given. Of course, I never knew any specific details or the identity of the OP.

(I haven't reported this thread).

DVardysShadow

Nobody has mentioned the word 'inquest' yet.

If he is dead, the coroner at least needs to decide whether an inquest is to be held. If he is not dead, there are a whole load of other questions to be answered.

As for RBS, they need to be told in writing a summary of what is known and they need to be told to cease and desist from making further telephone calls. Personally, if I got another phone call after sending a cease and desist letter, I would neglect to tell them any more about the outcome. RBS need you more than you need them.

ClootiesMum

Firstly - OP - please accept my condolonces for you & DH

But from a practical point of view......
Check for Buddhist monasteries around where you believe FIL passed away - they may have been involved in a cremation - and before anyone shoots me down in flames yes, cremations can be done without death certificates in other countries & my Dad's cremation is proof of that (Thailand).
You have to put what is "normal" for deaths in this country aside & find out as much about what might happen in Cambodia as possible.
And yes, it might be worth speaking to the Police but might also be worth speaking to your MP - we eventually had to do this to get a DC for Dad & they might be able to encourage the embassy to liaise with you a bit more. Or contact the foreign & commonwealth office in London for assistance.
You need some type of help like this to progress anything.

If you have any questions, please PM me, as we did go through this some years ago & I might be able to help.

It's tough & you will get through this but it will take a long time.

CM

DrDolittle_2

patchwork_cat wrote: »

It was one thing among many that made me feel that this story was made up.

Doesn't " he found a beautiful spot and went to sleep." kind of give it away?;)

Mojisola

DrDolittle wrote: »

Doesn't " he found a beautiful spot and went to sleep." kind of give it away?;)

If the sister is telling the truth, I think it does. Maybe he didn't want to wait until the cancer was so bad that he had no control over how he died.

But to know what happened, someone else must have been with him.

thistledome

It amuses me that people take things on face value if the poster has a high post count. Sorry, but it's completely irrelevant. Lots of people live fantasy lives via the internet, sad but true.

IF this story were real then the saddest thing would be that both parties were quite happy to assume the old chap was dead and divvy up the spoils, until one party decided to take over the house in Turkey as well as the bank account. JMHO of course.

IF the story is true then OP's husband needs to contact Police ASAP and stop wasting time.

coin_operated_girl

beasygirl wrote: »

Hi there I'm wondering if anyone can give any advice to the sad situation we have found ourselves in.

My father-in-law has unfortunately passed away. The problem we have is that he passed away somewhere in Cambodia.

He had terminal bowel cancer and decided to spend his final days travelling, we were under the impression he would return to the UK when the time was right and we would take care of him then. He had other plans. He decided that he did not want to burden anyone with his illness and would spend his final days doing the things he wanted.

We found out through my sister in law that he passed away somewhere in Cambodia (we were told it was a National Park) he found a beautiful spot and went to sleep. He did this having no ID on him and leaving no will. To say my DH is devastated is an under statement.

The problem we find ourselves in, is we are now being hounded by Royal Bank of Scotland for his unpaid credit card. He registered all his accounts with us at this address to make it easier when the time came. RBS will only speak to the account holder, and we have no death certificate to close the account as there is no trace of my father in law

We have contacted Immigration in Cambodia and they have told us they have no record of a British National passing away at the time my father in law did. This is exactly how he planned it - no fuss. There is no body to bury, no funeral, so at the moment no closure only constant reminders through phone calls from RBS.

Can anyone advise us what to do. As much as I cared for my FIL I'm also quite angry at the way he has decided to leave things. From speaking to his friends over the internet it appears this was all planned out. All his belongings are locked away in a locker somewhere in Cambodia, his laptop and access to his bank account was passed on to a close friend of his who will only honour his wishes in saying this is what he wanted to happen.

I'm finding it so hard to stay strong for DH when I can't see a way around the problem.

Taking this story at face value it seems very clear to me that the FIL committed suicide and the SIL knew about it/helped him. Otherwise, how would she know that hes dead? How would she know that he found a beautiful spot and just went to sleep? If he had no ID on him and a body hasn't been found then how would she know he was in a national park? Who told the SIL that he died?-surely there would have been some sort of official record of this. How would they be able to get in contact with the SIL if there was no ID on him?...i could go on, theres just so many things which don't add up.

I do find it a bit unbelievable that none of these questions have popped into either yours or your OH's heads, but i suppose grief does funny things.

I'm fairly sure the 'can of worms' your SIL is referring to is that she fears she will possibly get in trouble for helping someone commit suicide (even if she wasn't actually there) and taking money out of a dead mans bank account.

The only other alternatives that i can see is either the SIL had the FIL killed or she is helping him fake his own death...both of which seem very unlikely, particularly if he was dying of cancer anyway.

I guess the one thing that i can't come up with an explanation for is why the FIL didn't send an email to the OH (unless they have a strained relationship) when he sent emails to other people. Unless of course the SIL made that part up, but i can't think of a reason for her to make that up.

You mentioned a couple of times that the FIL's friends know a lot more than you and your OH and you were the last to find out etc, so you must be aware that something fishy is going on and you are being kept in the dark- otherwise, why all the secrecy? Maybe the FIL thought your OH wouldn't cope very well at the thought of him committing suicide, so he was trying to protect him?

Whatever has happened there is something very strange underlying it and i think your OH needs to know the truth in order to be able to move on. As others have said, go to the police, or speak to the SIL or other friends who seem to know whats going on and try and wriggle the truth out of them.

paddy's_mum

On a lighter note and I sincerely hope I don't upset the OP by my meant-to-be-comic remark but ....

I so want to know the end of this tale. It's worse than watching 3 hours 55 minutes of Gone with the Wind and then there's a power cut!