Family bereavement - no closure

patchwork_cat

Your DH as his son surely has a right to know what has happened to his father and his friends should be letting him know. If your DH does not get closure and find out what has happened how will he come to terms with it.

Have you read this http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/cambodia/1502468/This-man-advertises-suicide-in-Cambodia.-I-lost-my-sister-to-him.html

busiscoming2

It strikes me as a bit odd too. I agree with talking to the police or maybe the FCO and ask them what the protocol is for finding out what happened to your FIL's body. Surely your DH would like to know that?
I wonder if your SIL has cleared out her fathers account when she had no right to and that is what she means about 'can of worms'. How come your FIL used your address for his credit cards and not his daughters? It doesn't make sense to me that he would saddle you with the debts while allowing his DD to clear his account.

thorsoak

beasygirl wrote: »

My SIL told us not to contact the police as it was not his wishes, again with the freind, She has told us politely but firmly that she has no more information for us or messages to pass on. That was the end of that ray of hope.

We went into the bank and explained the situation as best they could but again they cannot freeze the account as we are not account holders but she did tell us the account was cleared out 3 days after he dies. We later found out this money went to my SIL.

Not that the money is an issue, but we feel that we have been left with nothing but hassle (from RBS) whereas everyone else he was close to received something from him after his death.[/QUOTE]

Something is most definitely not right here!

Were I in your shoes, I would want to know exactly what had happened - I would NEED to know exactly what happened - and that would be my prime concern.

Your prime concern appears to be hassle from RBS.

Something fishy going on - most definitely - whether by your FIL's actions, your SIL - or heaven forfend - by your OH - but I would be moving heaven & earth to find out exactly what when & where - and if it has nothing to do with you or your OH - then refer RBS to your SIL - let her sing the song to them!

mountainofdebt

Well I do have to say that my FIL died from bowel cancer; we went on holiday the week before he died and there was nothing to suggest we shouldn't go - OK I doubt he could have gone treking but he was certainly up and walking about.


tbh I would tell the SIL & friends that you don't believe the story you are being fed and that you are going to the Police. Might put the fear of Goad into them to tell you the truth.

bigmomma051204

Personally, i would not be able to simply take the "word" of someone who says that someone i love has died when there is no evidence to support this statement. Especially someone who i didn't have faith in or trust completely, which is so obviously the case with your SIL. :eek: Sorry, but you need to know what has happened - it is strange to the point of being extremely disturbing and if money was being moved around after your FIL's death, then it all sounds extremely suspicious if you ask me... Go to the police. Tell them your issues. Let them have a look into things.

At the end of the day, you are accepting A LOT of what your untrustworthy SIL is stating as gospel. I wouldn't.

Good luck - i think maybe you need to be strong here for you OH and take the bull by the horns. He is obviously in a right old state, and rightly so, and is therefore probably not in a position where he feels able to kick up a bit of fuss.... but i really think he will thank you for doing so on his behalf in years to come when he is able to get closure on the situation and not look back with regret.

Good Luck again xx

babyblooz

This has to be one of the strangest things I have ever read on here. Your poor husband must be beside himself. It's normal to want to know every last detail of your loved one's final days or hours. It isn't something that can be ignored and your sister in law seems to be 'in the know' about lots of things that you are in the dark about.

I would advise putting in the hands of the police for them to investigate. If nothing else it shows you had absolutely no knowledge of anything untoward.

beasygirl

Thanks again for everyone's kind words and advice, I wouldn't have believed it all as the story sounds so far fetched, but it is the reality we are facing at the moment.

I have drafted up letters to send to RBS and will show DH this thread when he returns from work. I hope it doesn't push him over the edge, in some ways I feel he is dealing with it better then me. If it was me in his situation I would be so angry with my sister, but they haven't always had a great relationship and I guess this is typical behaviour.

I do find it so odd that he failed to make contact with my DH before he died, I think the matter has been made worse in the fact that we were the last to know and lots of people know hell of lot more than us. DH is my FIL blood son. SIL is only his half daughter - this fact has angered my side of the family greatly. We believe family comes first. I just feel so sorry for DH, he lost his mum to cancer in 2001 so now has no parents left - he's only 32.

beasygirl

Bo_Nidle wrote: »

This story is probably bull but in the hope its true my final bit of advice is DO NOT tell the sister in law that you are going to the Police.

Go to the Police first and let them tell the SIL why they are there.

Otherwise you are giving her warning to make up lies and destroy or hide evidence.

This story is NOT bull it is my life - if you don't believe it why are you still posting

whitewing

If you are writing to RBS, it may be worth getting an incident log number (crime reference number) or whatever they call it.

beasygirl

whitewing wrote: »

If you are writing to RBS, it may be worth getting an incident log number (crime reference number) or whatever they call it.

Thanks, that sounds like a good idea. Something I would not have thought of.