Family bereavement - no closure

beasygirl

Hi there I'm wondering if anyone can give any advice to the sad situation we have found ourselves in.

My father-in-law has unfortunately passed away. The problem we have is that he passed away somewhere in Cambodia.

He had terminal bowel cancer and decided to spend his final days travelling, we were under the impression he would return to the UK when the time was right and we would take care of him then. He had other plans. He decided that he did not want to burden anyone with his illness and would spend his final days doing the things he wanted.

We found out through my sister in law that he passed away somewhere in Cambodia (we were told it was a National Park) he found a beautiful spot and went to sleep. He did this having no ID on him and leaving no will. To say my DH is devastated is an under statement.

The problem we find ourselves in, is we are now being hounded by Royal Bank of Scotland for his unpaid credit card. He registered all his accounts with us at this address to make it easier when the time came. RBS will only speak to the account holder, and we have no death certificate to close the account as there is no trace of my father in law

We have contacted Immigration in Cambodia and they have told us they have no record of a British National passing away at the time my father in law did. This is exactly how he planned it - no fuss. There is no body to bury, no funeral, so at the moment no closure only constant reminders through phone calls from RBS.

Can anyone advise us what to do. As much as I cared for my FIL I'm also quite angry at the way he has decided to leave things. From speaking to his friends over the internet it appears this was all planned out. All his belongings are locked away in a locker somewhere in Cambodia, his laptop and access to his bank account was passed on to a close friend of his who will only honour his wishes in saying this is what he wanted to happen.

I'm finding it so hard to stay strong for DH when I can't see a way around the problem.

McKneff

Who told sil that Fil had passed away, was she told formally in writing

patchwork_cat

What about contacting the British Embassy in Cambodia - http://maps.google.co.uk/maps/place?hl=en&xhr=t&cp=19&rlz=1R2FUJE_en-GB&biw=1259&bih=603&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&wrapid=tljp1307037437525040&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=british+embassy+cambodia&fb=1&gl=uk&hq=british+embassy+cambodia&cid=3654800384362815725. How do they know it is your FIL? In the meantime write letters to all his creditors telling them the situation, they can't hassle you it is not your debt. How does your SIL know he is dead? You need some facts where was he etc.

beasygirl

McKneff wrote: »

Who told sil that Fil had passed away, was she told formally in writing

She was lucky in that she managed to speak to him via skype the day before he died. He said his goodbyes to her and told her he had emailed everyone his goodbye messages. My DH did not receive an email.

There is nothing 'in writing' confirming his death she told us she deleted the message so her children did not see.

Everyone we spoke to is being very 'hush hush' about the situation as this is what he wanted. We did not know how ill he had become and were expecting the call to say he is coming home soon. He died on the 6th May, we found out on the 16th after no contact or reply's to emails and feared the worse so contacted SIL who explained - she was very shocked we did not know of his plans.:(

beasygirl

patchwork_cat wrote: »

There is a body and surely a death certificate only in Cambodia. What about contacting the British Embassy in Cambodia - http://maps.google.co.uk/maps/place?hl=en&xhr=t&cp=19&rlz=1R2FUJE_en-GB&biw=1259&bih=603&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&wrapid=tljp1307037437525040&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=british+embassy+cambodia&fb=1&gl=uk&hq=british+embassy+cambodia&cid=3654800384362815725. How do they know it is your FIL?

We did this as soon as we were aware, I was adament we had to get his body back, but he clearly wanted to make it as hard as possible for us to do this.

As far as the person who discovered his bosy is concerned he could be any Nationality - a nobody. Just a body. It still haunts me to think what has actually happened to him - I'm sure we won't ever find out.

patchwork_cat

Very odd. Why did your SIL not contact you straight away, When I knew my Mum was dying the first person I contacted was my brother, I certainly wouldn't have deleted her final goodbyes, if I was concerned for the kids reading it I would have moved it somewhere safe.

Pass everything over to his friend. No fuss, umm, loads of fuss I would think.

beasygirl

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Very odd. Why did your SIL not contact you straight away, When I knew my Mum was dying the first person I contacted was my brother, I certainly wouldn't have deleted her final goodbyes, if I was concerned for the kids reading it I would have moved it somewhere safe.

I agree, I would be exactly the same. Her excuse was she did not have a number to contact us, and she was also told by my FIL that he had contacted everyone.

I don't trust her but that is another issue completely! I am just concerned about getting RBS off our back.

puddy

this sounds quite odd to be honest, why didnt your SIL bother about finding out where the body was? if it was a national park can she not remember which one and then contact the authorities?

with regard to the debt, its not yours, you simply write to the creditor and say he is not at this address, missing presumed deceased but you have no other details. they wont believe that of course, but thats not your problem.

CH27

What an odd situation.

Write to all his creditors telling them he is missing presumed deceased.

kazwookie

Most odd

I would start with the police locally

Then start to contact the officals in the Country, how does anyone know he is dead if there is no body?

I would start ot put pressure on the firend who has the lap top etc.

I would tell the banks in this country, what you DO know as FACT, and tell them to freeze any accoutn till further notice.

missbishi

Hi OP, I'm sorry you and OH are having to go through this. I second kazwookie, if he is reported to the police as a missing person (presumed dead) then at least there will be a case reference which should keep RBS at bay.