Family bereavement - no closure

meritaten

I smell a rat here - All the information you have has come from your SIL - you have no independant confirmation at all do you? Are you SURE he was even in Cambodia? You must report him missing to the police and contact the embassy in Cambodia to find out if he entered the country and if so could they track him down as you believe he may have died!
Strange isnt it that SIL has so much info yet deletes it! everyone got farewell messages from HIM - or did they?
I know I have a nasty suspicious mind - but I am often right unfortunately!

beasygirl

Another thing I should have mentioned with regards to SIL is that we were given FIL's house he had in Turkey, when he left the UK he told my DH that the house was his to do what he wanted with.

It turns out SIL has the spare keys and is going out there on holiday the end of the month. With this in mind we don't want to rock the boat and cause anymore family tension. Whilst he was still alive, FIL tried to instigate a sale of his house between DH and my SIL, this never came to anything and now that they have the spare keys they are not prepared to pay for anything that they have access to anyway.

We have the deeds to the house but are in no financial position to get this sorted. It wouls involve flying out to Turkey and finding a solicitor that wanted to help. We know how complicated Turkish laws are so again have been left with more complicated issues to sort out.

We are also concerned that the money transfered out of FIL account could be related to a clinic to assist in suicide, so think this maybe the can of worms SIL is going on about.

It's all such a mess with so many unfinished bits,

Auntie-Dolly

My stepfather died from bowel cancer & at the end he was in no condition to go hiking in a Camodian National Park. It all sounds rather unbelievable.

paddy's_mum

beasygirl wrote: »

the account was cleared out 3 days after he dies. We later found out this money went to my SIL.

I'm sorry but I smell a very large and stinking rat!

On whose authority was the account closed without a body to repatriate or a formal death certificate? Even if he left a will, that takes time to prove.

Something very, very wrong here or I'll eat my hat.

I'm so sorry for your sadness and distress.

CH27

I'm sorry but you need to go to the police ASAP.

Plans_all_plans

I'd just tell the creditors he's moved house and give him your SIL's address as a forwarding address.

Let her sort out all this mess herself and tell her convoluted stories/lies to RBS.

I wouldn't bother contacting anyone at the Embassy either: let her do it.

sueeve

Firstly I give my sympathy to you in this very confusing and difficult situation. I think you have a variety of problems. Firstly the money. You do not have to pay his debts. End. Give them sister in law's address as a possible contact etc. Secondly, if there is no death certificate and no probate SIL has stolen the money. Is she dishonest or naive? Ignore her. And don't let her steal a house in Turkey from you or presume you will pay for her usage.
There will be traces of his message on her computer unless she is an IT wizard.

Even if he did go and use an assisted suicide service that makes no difference to you. You did not help him, and presumably SIL was not in Cambodia at the time.
There should be no difficulty for the police checking airlines and passport usage, if you can convnce them it is necessary. Big Brother can do it in the press of a button.
If you don't get anywhere with the police your MP's surgery would be another place to try to get action. They are usually good about stirring up authorities.
The police. Immediately!

Broomstick

Write everything that has happened down in chronological order with dates, times, names, places, contact details, e-mails, phone numbers etc. - as much detail as you can manage and take it to the police in this country. i assume that they will be able to follow up deleted e-mails, records of phone calls having happened on Skype from Cambodia to the UK etc if they think something is wrong.

If something unorthodox has happened and you have been beneficiaries to some of your FiL's estate, you are going to be tangled up in the deception. Until all this is resolved it won't be possible properly to lay him to rest. It could be that his plans for everything at the end of his life have not been carried out according to his wishes after all and it's fine to want to check.

B x

Amanda65

I feel so very sorry for you and especially your poor DH your who, in amongst all this mess, must be trying to grieve for his father

I assume there is some history between DH and SIL (as she didn't have your number to call you and is being extremely obstructive.

I would let her know that you cannot cope with the creditors on your back and are going to the police to report what has happened to stop them from contacting you and also say that you will be passing on her details as you are sure the police will want to speak to her - not least to find out how money was transferred out of a dead man's account 3 days after his alleged death :eek: And then go to the police, tell them what you know and send a registered letter to RBS explaining that it is now a police matter and that you are not responsible for the debt.

I agree with everyone else though that there is some cover up going on - it's all very well SIL and friends saying it's not FIL's wishes but they aren't being hassled.

paddy's_mum

It seems to me that you have absolutely no other option but to go to the police. For all you know with the deliberate blocking of information, your father in law was murdered and didn't die a natural death at all!

How unbelievably shocking and distressing for your hubby.